two birds

17

I have fully embraced the gay inside me.
do you know how fun it is to watch gay porn?
why no one told me?
I could be gay years go.

as I gaily made my way to jisungs room to wake him up, I had a feeling that today will be a nice day.

the sun is shining, the birds are singing ( they are not ), and I slept well.
and I'm telling you, when I sleep well, it's about to be one god damn good day.

I knocked on jisungs door.
I always do, even tho I know he isn't awake.
he never is.

so imagine my surprise when i actually heard 'come in' from jisungs room.

I opened the door, feeling a little confused when I saw jisung sitting on his bed in his big ass shirt and shorts, looking out of the window.

"why are you up?"
I asked him.

"I couldn't sleep."
he told me, without even taking a glance at me.
"it seems like it's a pretty day outside."

I nod.
"It does."

he sighed, before burying his head in his knees.

I made my way to his bed.
"hey, are you okay? is something wrong?"
I asked him as I sat on his bed.

"I just...I can't do this minho."
he whispered.

"what do you mean? what you can't do?"

"everything."
his voice breaks, and my heart along with it.

"what do you mean? what happened jisung?"

"I can't do any more interviews. I can't go on any more events with my father and socialize, I just...I can't do this. I can't take over the company."

"jisung, I'm sure that you will eventually get used to it, and-"

"you don't understand."
he whispered, his head still buried in his knees.
"you don't. no one does."

"jisung-"

"where will my tutor come?"
he asks, finally lifting his head, tears falling from his eyes as he does so.

it breaks my heart.
it really does.

crying jisung is a sight that I hate probably the most.

I sigh.
"In about twenty minutes."

"then come for me when he arrives."

"you still have to eat your breakfast."

he doesn't answer and just lays down.
"I'm not hungry."

"jisung-"

"just leave. come for me when the tutor comes. and that's an order."
he says, and without any other option, I walk out of his room with a sigh.

maybe today won't be that good of a day after all.

•~•

if there is something that I like more then a gay porn, it's Jo Nesbø's books.
this guy knows how to write a book, I'll tell you that.

I was never the person who enjoyed reading, but when you have to sit more than forty five minutes on a stool without being able to be on your phone, you kinda get desperate.
and this house has a huge library.
so...that's that.

the time passes quickly while reading a book, okay?
like right now.

the door of the study room opened, and the tutor said goodbye to me, before walking out of the building.
jisung wasn't behind him, so I walked into the room, just to see him still sitting on the chair.
he looked like he was deep in thought.

"jisung."

he flinched, before looking at me.
"you scared me."

"sorry."
I chuckled, before I made my way to him and sat on the chair his tutor was probably sitting on right now.
"hey, what's happening with you today?"

"what do you mean?"

"don't play dumb with me, I know very well something is wrong with you, you're acting more miserable then you normally are."

"wow, thank you so much."
he glared at me.

"just tell me what's wrong, will ya?"
I rolled my eyes.

I'm not his therapist.
he already has one, and a good one.
but there was something really wrong with him, and...I care about him, okay?

jisung sighed, before looking on the table again.
"I had a dream."

"I got everything I wanted~"

"you're not funny."
he said, not amused.

"I'm sorry."
I was trying to hide my smile.
honestly, I was trying to make him laugh.
apparently I'm unfunny.

he sighed, before continuing.
"the dream was a memory of mine. I was free back then. at four am, I sneaked out of the house with my camera to take photos of the early Seoul, with the sun slowly rising up. it felt so real, minho. I had no worry in my mind, I didn't care about what my father would think, because I didn't have to. I felt so free...and then I woke up. it was just a dream. I'm still locked up in a cage, and all I want to do is to live like I did before. going to my school and study what I really want, hanging out with my friends at a local coffee shop, or just sitting on the back yard tree and watch the sunset...but I can't. I try not to think about it, but my friends are still probably going to that coffee shop without me. do they miss me? did they forget about me and just moved on?"

I placed my head on his shoulder.
"hey, there is no way your friends forgot about you. you're such a special person, no one could forget about you after meeting you. I'm sure your friends miss you too. I would miss you if I was your friend. I know it's a lot on your plate right now, but I know how strong you are, and I know you can take it. I'm here to support you, you can always turn to me. I will always be by your side."

he was looking into my eyes, as his own eyes became teary, and a pout appeared on his face.

I sighed.
"don't cry."
i told him, before I pulled him in for a hug.

I hate hugs.
but if it's han jisung, it's okay.