two birds

30

"what happened then?"
mr. han asked jisung's therapist.

chan sighed, closing his eyes, before looking back at mr. han and me.
"jisung told me the whole story. it all started right after they went into the room. the tutor was touching jisung in uncomfortable places, and jisung didn't have enough strength to say something, even tho he sure as hell made it known he was uncomfortable. then, the tutor tried to forcefully kiss him, and when jisung was refusing, he slapped him. many times. after that, he went on the next level, and he pinned jisung down on the table and took off his sweatpants. he tried to fight, the whole time, but he didn't have enough strength. eventually, the worst thing came. his tutor raped him. he was really harsh, and I mean REALLY harsh. jisung told me it was the worst pain he ever felt."
chan said.
"where is the tutor now?"

"the police took him."
I said.
"he will rot behind bars, right?"

chan sighed.
"I...I do hope so. but I'm not a lawyer, I'm a therapist. if you want him to rot behind bars, you need to have evidence of his actions, and hire a very good lawyer."

"we're not doing that."
mr. han said.

I stared at him.
"what do you mean by that?"

"well, it's jisungs fault, isn't it? he's a man, he should be strong enough to fight a 50 year old guy. if he wasn't able to do that, it's his fault for not being strong enough. I'm not spending money for some lawyer, just because he's a disappointment."

red.
that was what I had seen.
"you're a monster. how can you even say that?! jisung suffered so much, and you want to let that man free?!"
I fucking wanted to punch him, and I would have done so...but I would get fired.
and I couldn't leave jisung here alone.
not after....today.

"I don't remember I asked for your opinion, or that you're in the right to speak here."
he said, matching my anger.

I walked away.
because if I didn't, I would have done something bad to him, something I would regret.
and even tho he deserved it, I couldn't.

I made my way straight to jisungs room.
but before I opened the door, I closed my eyes, the scene that happened just few hours ago craved in my mind, forever.

I knocked on the door, but I didn't get an answer.
so I opened the door.

jisung was sitting on his bed, leaning against the bed frame, looking down on his hands that were on his lap.

I closed the door behind me, before walking towards him and sitting on the corner of his bed.
"jisung."
I whispered.

he didn't react.

"I promise he will pay for what he did to you."
I told him, meaning every word.

"I heard what dad said."
he whispered. I almost didn't hear him.
"he will be free by the end of this day."

"jisung-"
I was about to take his hand and hold it, but he freaked out and moved as far away from me as possible, whining in pain.

"don't touch me."
he said, as he started breathing quickly.

I pulled away.
"it's me jisung, minho."
I told him, my eyes wide.

"please don't hurt me."
he cried, his body shaking.

I immediately got up from the bed, putting more space between us.
I just wanted him to feel safe.
"it's me, minho. I'm your bodyguard. I would never hurt you."
tears fell down my cheeks.

but I saw his eyes.
he didn't believe me.
he was scared.
scared of me.
he thought I was actually able to hurt him.

"I...I'm gonna go."
I said, my voice breaking as I did so.

I ran into my room, closing the door behind me and laying down on my bed, sobbing into my pillow.

oh, if only you could see how he looked at me.
it was the worst feeling I ever felt.
he believed that I would be able to hurt him.
he believed that...I would hurt him.

I would never hurt my jisung.
never.

I fucking hate myself for letting all of this happen.
I should have stayed by the door.
if I did, maybe I would be able to hear something sooner and I would be able to stop his tutor.
he wouldn't get raped if I didn't leave.

I don't fucking deserve him.
I caused all of this.
I caused all of his pain.

and now, jisungs rapist will be free, without any punishment, because his father is a fucking monster, and I don't have enough money for a good lawyer.
fuck, I can't even get justice for him.

and that's when I realized I need to get jisung out of here.
out of this house.
probably out of this country as well.

his father won't fight for him, and he won't get his justice, but I'm gonna make sure that his future will be bright and perfect, where he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants.
with me.
I'm gonna protect him.

I need a plan.
plan to get jisung out of this life.

I promise that I'm gonna do whatever it takes.

I promise you that, jisung.
because I love you.