Recollection

eight | recollection 03

song: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

I was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, trying to get comfortable. The lighting in here was soft, warm even, and I could see my own reflection in the mirror in front of me—a little tired but smiling. I put hummingbird up against the sink outlet and took a deep breath before I started talking.

"My sweet girl. Today is December 20th, it's been fifty weeks since you have been in my life and I wish more than anything that I could be there with you forever. But since I haven't found the elixir of life or maybe an anti-aging face cream that can make me look younger, I only hope these recollections are there when you need me the most."

I paused, my heart swelling with love as I thought about my little girl, wherever and whenever she might be watching this in the future. Her long voluminous hair reaching her waist.

God forbid she let me cut an inch the other day.

Her two beautiful eyes filled with joy and happiness.

"There's something I want to tell you today. I met someone a while back. Long before you came into my life. He's... well, he's really special. He's kind, and funny, and he makes me feel like I can breathe again. I didn't think I'd ever find someone who could do that, especially not after everything. But Kieran... he just does. And every time I see him with you the butterflies in my stomach go crazy"

I smiled, "devious little insects. You trust those! They know their job in recognizing the one. I didn't believe in them but when I met him I had a lot more reason to believe because I felt their magic. When you find the right one you will know. Don't fight it. Maybe a little bit to see if he or she is worth your love."

I looked down, fiddling with the hem of my shirt, feeling a little nervous even though I was just talking to a camera.

"I know this might be a lot to take in, especially if you're older now and have been through so much without me. I will say this to you in person too soon. But I need you to know my sweet girl, that loving Kieran doesn't mean I love you any less. You will always be my baby, my whole world."

Just as I finished saying that, the bathroom door flew open. I couldn't help but laugh as the girl of the hour walked in, my little whirlwind, came bursting in, holding up a piece of paper like it was the most important thing in the world.

"Mama! Mama! Look what I drew with uncle Ki!"

I reached out to scoop her up into my lap. To have a better look at Lia and that drawing.

"Oh, wow, Lia! Did you draw these stars all by yourself?" if I didn't know beforehand her little game I wouldn't recognize them as such.

She nodded so hard. I held up the drawing for a second, showing it to the camera, then looked back at her, beaming.

"They're beautiful, just like you."

I kissed the top of her head, breathing in the sweet, familiar scent of strawberry. Then I asked, almost casually, even though my heart was pounding a little, "So, what do you think about Kieran? Do you like him?"