Recollection

eighteen | wishes

Egzod & Maestro Chives - Royalty (Lyrics) ft. Neoni

I didn't have many expectations in life.

From my father who shot me.

From the awful couple who took me under their care at the orphanage.

From my days in the cardboard box.

From the second and third orphanages, I was put into.

From Mrs. Dickton and her obsession with her cane.

From the five families, I was fostered into where every single one was somehow worse than the one before.

From the Rubrum Mortem.

From Flynn Miller.

From Kai Martin.

From Arlo Creed.

I survived.

And my defective heart was still beating.

I got out and I was grateful for the life I got to live with my family and the people I found on the way. For the life I was going to live.

I was only nineteen, two months shy of twenty.

I shouldn't be worried about being killed or experimented on or tortured by selfish narcissistic assholes who tried to stomp upon my life.

It took me a while to figure out that I deserved to be happy.

I deserved to have a family.

I deserved to have a dad.

I deserved to have a mama.

I deserved to have a mom.

I deserved to have siblings and cousins and an aunt and an uncle and friends.

I deserved to have a family.

I DESERVED TO LIVE!

And I was going to.

The ball was next week.

The calmness I was feeling wasn't the calm before the storm.

It was the peace in my mind that finally let a breath of fresh air enter my lungs.

My head wasn't underwater anymore. I rose to the surface and breathed.

I was finally home.

Back to the apartment, everything started I took everything in.

I was alone in the kitchen.

The twins had gone to the hotel room their parents- Zeta and Leonidas- had booked.

Drystan and Cassian were outside to get us food.

And the Lionesses were out on missions. They would arrive within the week.

and Leone is still back in New York with Imani and Ace working on the antidote. She was close. Which was a matter of days. I hoped she could manage to complete it before the ball. It could alleviate a huge boulder over my shoulders.

Which gave me enough time to do this.

Sitting on a barstool on the kitchen island I used to color on I was writing letters.

To everyone.

To Roman, Seraphina, Leo, and Levias.

To Rosalyn and Asa.

To Drystan and Cassian.

To Haley and Duke.

To Sebastian, Alessandro, Chanelle, Volna, Marcelo, Mateo, Ezra, Romeo, to little Dominic.

To all my friends.

To Imani and the Lionesses.

To Ciro.

To Kieran.

To Eros and Sofia.

To my love, the man my soul spoke to and my heart had been beating for. To Atticus.

It wasn't a goodbye. It was just life boat that aided with the peace of my mind.

I explained everything. I explained Maeve, and Kieran, and Flynn. What I hid from them. What I was still hiding from all of them. Why I did everything. What they should do in the worst-case scenario.

Because truth be told anything could happen.

The universe wasn't aligned with me all these years but right now I was feeling a change. A shift.

The Indigo dagger had become heavier on my hand after I watched the latest entry in Hummingbird.

A good shift. A positive one.

I wrote how much I loved them. How much I missed them this past year. How proud I was of them and the fact they didn't give up. I wrote how sorry I was for doing this to them.

I poured my heart on those papers and in a few parts I stained the pages with tears.

I asked my family not to be mad at Roman.

I wished I could get to eat another cheesecake with my twin. Or stay at the beach with my Leo. Or race with Marcelo. I wished I could laugh with the triplets one more time. I wished to go shopping with the twins and mess with Alessandro about his style. I wished I could have a rematch with my big brother. I wish I could hang out with my friends and have the wildest of days. I wished I could watch Rosalyn laugh one more time. I wished I could hug Asa and mess with Sebastian. I wish I got one of those of those motherly hugs from Haley. I wished I could hold little Dom and wave his little body in the air like my mama did with me like airplanes. And I wished I could feel the love of Duke and talk about anything and everything. I wished I could joke around with Cassian and Eros. And I wished I could drive Drystan crazy one more time

I wished I could get another chance to see the stars with Atticus. And get married under them. And have a family. And so many things more.

I wished to get to live to see passed next week.

As I finished my last letter and put all of them in their respective envelopes, I sealed them and wrote their names on the front.

When I doodled a little star next to Atticus' name something shifted in me. Something snapped.

My calmness turned to anger.

I DEMANDED TO LIVE!