My little shadow (Bucky Barnes)

23

"Ты можешь есть" You can eat.

Even after being free, some habits remain. For example, this is the one that makes me saddest and I know it has the same effect on J too. We can never be completely normal, completely free.

I bite into the sandwich Sam went to buy undercover. I didn't even realize I was hungry until I smelled food.

"What do we do now?" J asks. A really good question that I'll answer right away.

"The doctor wanted to know about Siberia, so let's go see what he's up to," I say, deciding where to bite into my sandwich.

"What?" Steve says and I feel J's confused gaze burning the back of my neck.

"J, do you want to tell him what's in Siberia?" I ask with my mouth full. I would eat a hundred more of those sandwiches once I get the chance.

"Others like us. Stronger, more ruthless, but more difficult to control,"

I stop halfway between taking another bite and slowly close my mouth. Memories flow into my mind like a noisy waterfall.

"Nyla?" a distant voice calls me and I turn towards it. "Everything is fine?" Sam asks as the two soldiers talk.

"Yes, I was just lost in thought," I say, trying to reassure him, but my voice betrays my sadness.

"Hey," he says, crouching down in front of me, "You know it's not your fault,"

"But I did it," my hands are shaking "these are the hands of Hydra, the ones who killed and massacred,"

"Stop it," he says in a stern voice and I tense up, ready for anything.

He probably notices it, because he puts his hands clearly visible. "They made you do it. If you could, you wouldn't do it, right? You probably wouldn't even know how to handle a gun."

And it's all true, "Yes, it's true, but..."

"No buts, it wasn't you, period. You can't blame yourself for that. You're a victim too,"

And at those words something snaps in me. Tears begin to fall, but my voice is harsh and my eyes are stern. "Thank you, but I don't need your pity," I say and stand up, leaving him behind. And only when I'm alone do I allow myself to breathe again.