My little shadow (Bucky Barnes)

37

"You know you can just ask me anything you want about Hydra. There's no need to make this big deal," I ask calmly.

"What the-. No. I don't care about it. I want you to be okay,"

"Steve, please,"

"Nyla, you'll get better in time,"

"Some wounds are incurable," I say softly.

"Don't talk about it and start healing them,"

"It's so easy for you," I say and head to my room. My hunger is gone too.

"Then talk to me," Steve stops me.

I turn to him. "Talk to me," he says confidently, "I want to know who you are. Who is the strong and brave girl who survived,"

I smile sadly. "So many beautiful words for such ugly stories," I turn to leave, but Steve grabs my shoulder and turns me around. "I don't want you to look at me differently," I say, looking straight into his eyes.

"I wouldn't,"

I never thought I'd meet Natasha Romanoff so many times. And to think that the first time I just wanted to kill her, now instead I'm about to tell her my darkest secrets.

"I don't have a chip or a microphone, so feel free to say what you want," she says, sipping her coffee.

I look at the steaming cup of tea in my hands and sigh. The smoke changes direction for a few seconds, but then it comes back to blow in my face.

"Thank goodness I don't remember anything from when I was little. I don't want to know what they did to me. All I know is that I don't remember a real home or family. I was always alone. I never played. Even as a child, I never laughed. I was calm, maybe I understood that my life was on too thin a wire for that age. I don't like children,"

"Why?"

"I think I'm jealous. They have everything I don't have. It makes me feel empty. And then I don't have good memories of my childhood. But I learned a lot. Children learn very quickly. As a child, if I remember correctly, they didn't do any experiments on me, but when I was ten they started training me. Hand-to-hand combat, weapons and strategy, as well as languages ​​and other basic subjects. I spent my days like this. If I was sick, they gave me a day off," I hesitate "But then came the day that all little girls fear,"

"Let me guess..."

"My period, yes. At ten and a half. A little early from what they told me, but given my extreme conditions I grew up very quickly. And then..."

"It happened to me too,"

"It's not that I would like to have children, but it bothers me not to be able to choose,"

"I understand," Natasha says, looking at her coffee.

"I was great at everything. And that started a series of events that I didn't want to happen. Soon after that I met James and he was my first friend. My only friend," I smile when I think about it "He was the first one to be nice to me, even though he always knocked me down," the pleasant memories come back and I feel a lump in my throat, but I continue "Hydra sent me on small missions, a few small assassinations and some stalking, but nothing unmanageable," I stop "Please don't judge me,"

She looks at me and her eyes are full of compassion, because I feel like she's been through something similar too.

"During a training session with J they called me. They took me to the horror room and I didn't remember who I was. They took me to Paide, Estonia. I wanted someone to see me and shoot me for what I had to do. Hydra assigned me to kill children. All the children in an orphanage. And to make it look like an accident, a fire. And I did it, because I was still a fifteen-year-old girl and I was scared. Crazy scared. I watched them fall out of the windows hoping they would survive, but whoever survived was killed. Killed by me,"

"Killed by Shadow," he says immediately.

"I am Shadow,"

"Not anymore,"

"I always was and always will be,"