My little shadow (Bucky Barnes)

38

The frozen water flows through my back and a shiver of cold makes me tremble. Despite this I cannot do without it. I've never taken a shower with hot water and I don't even intend to try. I can't understand how people can relax under such a warm jet, instead under the cold, he holds their teeth and feel every drop go down the body.

I go out and put myself in the soft drying. It is white and seems expensive. I never owned one, I always used towels. I look at myself in the mirror, my pale reflection stares at me.

"I should go out," I say, but I know I won't.

My gaze falls on my scar from the neck to the left cheek. A few centimeters more upwards a small scar under the eye.

Then I look at the right half. My hop in half is J. we were training and I was not yet good. The blood had had in the eye and I thought I had become blind. J did not stop apologizing until the guards had to drag him away.

I make a deep sigh and I dry the lonely tear.

I started feeling better. Ten months have passed and I don't cry anymore if someone mentions J. now I only hear the void he filled.

They told me to make me friends until they find how to remove that shit from my head. I decided to never go in freezing. With J it was easier, they said. I grew up with those words on their heads and if said, you risk big.

I have time for myself. I never really had time for myself. I never thought about what I liked to do. There was always someone to fight or we had to be careful and I never had time. In Romania I liked to cook for J, but now I don't like it. J said that everything I cooked was good even if it was disgusting. Over time I got better, because he taught me how to cook well. One time we even made plum jam. It was his favorite fruit and I have to say that the jam wasn't that bad either. We always ate it for breakfast until Steve came.

I sigh and punch the punching bag. I don't cry anymore. It's like all the tears are gone. The trial will be in a week and I hope I'll be granted clemency. It's been a year since Thanos and I'm tired of being sad. Now I'm pissed at the world, because I've suffered too much. The most frequent question I ask myself is, why me? Of all the people on earth, why me?

"Water?" Steve asks. He's been watching me for a few minutes.

I wipe the sweat from my forehead and grab the bottle of water and sit down next to him. The silence is loud as I pop the top off the bottle to drink.

"What time is it?" I ask to make conversation.

"3 AM,"

I don't say anything. I've been boxing for five hours without stopping.

"Steve," he looks at me "I need some advice,"