The Nights We Stay Awake (TemperancexReader)

17. "Something i want to say"

Temperance pov

Y/n walks in beside me, her presence lighting up the room. There's an undeniable spring in her step, a happiness radiating from her that's infectious. I can't help but smile, my heart swelling as i watch her take in the familiar surroundings. Teh restaurant is quiet, the soft murmur of conversations and the clinking of silverware creating a soothing backdrop.

We choose a table near the window, where the facing evening light spill across the wooden surface, casting a gentle glow on our faces. The atmosphere is intimate, perfect for the conversation i've been rehearsing in my head for days. I promised myself that i would tell her as soon as soon as she got back, and that's now- i'm going to tell her how i feel, no matter how terrifying it might be.

As we sit down, Y/n looks at me with that bright, infectious smile of hers, and i feel my nerves start to melt away. She's talking animatedly about her recent case, her voice filled with excitement as she recounts some of the less serious moments. It's clear she's happy to be home, and the way she talks about the little things she missed makes me fall even harder for her. If that's possible.

"I know it's only been three days but god, it's good to be back," she says, her eyes sparkling with genuine joy. "You have no idea how much i missed this place. And you, of course. I never should have avoided you."

"I missed you too," i reply, the words slipping out naturally, though they carry so much weight that she realises. "It's not the same around here without you."

She grins at that, and for a moment, i let myself bask in the warmth of her presence. The conversation drifts from her case to more mundane topics- the current songs in our heads, the latest movies we haven't had the time to watch, and the ridiculous rumours spreading like wildfire around us. It's all so easy, so familiar, and it only makes me more determined to say what i've been holding back.

As we order our food, i take a deep breath, feeling the weight of the moment pressing down on me. This is it- i need to tell her. The words are on the tip of my tongue, my heart pounding as i prepare to finally confess.

Tonight we either become something more, or i ruin the one perfect thing i have in my life- our friendship.

"Y/n," i start, my voice a little shaky. "There's something i've been wanting to tell you.."

She looks up from her menu, her expression curious but warm. "Yeah? What is it?"

I swallow hard, my nerves flaring up again. "I- " But before i can get the words out, she interrupts, her eyes lighting up with sudden excitement.

"Oh! I almost forgot to tell you," she exclaims, setting down her menu. "I took your advice."

The sudden shift catches me off guard, and i blink in confusion. "What advice?"

She grins, leaning forward with a look of pure happiness. "That advice you and Angela gave me about talking to Emily. We finally had that conversation... and, well, we're sort of together now. Even talked to Hotch about it."

The words hit me like a physical blow, and i feel the air rush out of my lungs. I force a smile, trying to keep my expression neutral even as my heart shatters into a million pieces. "That's... that's wonderful, Y/n. I'm really happy for you."

She beams at me, her happiness so genuine that it twists the knife in my chest even deeper. "Thanks, Tempe. I mean it. Your support means the world to me."

I nod, my throat tightening as i swallow back the tears that are threatening to spill over. The confession i was so close to making dies on my lips, replaced by a dull, aching pain that spreads through my chest. I reach for my water glass, taking a sip to give myself a moment to compose my thoughts.

"I'm glad it worked out for you," I manage to say, my voice steady despite the storm raging inside me. "You and Emily... you're good together."

Y/n reaches across the table to squeeze my hand, her touch warm and comforting. "You really think so?"

I nod again, unable to speak for fear of what might slip out if i do. I glance down at our joined hands, feeling the sting of what could have been. If only i had spoken up sooner, if only i had been braver... but now, it's too late. And there's no change she'd ever choose me over someone like Emily.

Our food arrives, and the conversation shifts to lighter topics, but i can barely focus on the words. I'm going through the motions, trying to be present, but all i can think about is the future i've lost. Every smile, every laugh feels hollow, as if i'm watching someone else's life play out in front of me.

Y/n doesn't seem to notice, or if she does, she doesn't say anything. She's too caught up in her own happiness, and i can't bring myself to dampen that. So i smile and nod and pretend that everything is fine, even as my heart crumbles with every passing moment.

Her phone buzzes on the table, and the glances at it, her face lighting up with a soft smile. "It's Emily," she says, almost apologetically. "She's taking me to a movie, a real date, but i told her i needed to eat with you first." It's like pouring glue on already broken pieces, not even trying to put them together. "She's outside, i should get going."

I manage to force a smile, even though the last thing i want is for her to leave. "Of course. You don't want to keep her waiting."

She stands up, gathering her things, and i follow suit, my movements mechanical as i try to keep it together. We walk to the door, the cool evening air hitting me like a splash of cold water. I want to say something, anything, to stop her from leaving, but the words are trapped in my throat.

"I'll see you soon, Tempe," Y/n says, turning to me with a warm smile. "I love you."

"I love you too," i reply, the words feeling like a final goodbye to something i never really had.

She waves and heads out the door, her figure growing smaller as she walks toward the car parked just outside. I watch her go, my heart pounding in my chest, my mind screaming at me to say something, to do something. But i'm frozen, paralysed by the weight of everything i never said.

Through the window, i see her reach Emily's car. Emily steps out, greeting her with a wide smile that Y/n returns, and they exchange a few words before leaning in for a kiss. It's a sweet, tender kiss, the kind that speaks of new love, of shared secrets and promises.

That's when the tears start. They well up in my eyes, blurring my vision until all i can see is a swirl of colours- Y/n's bright smile, Emily's dark hair, the flint of the streetlights reflecting off the car's surface. I turn away, not wanting to watch any more, but it's too late. The image is seared into my mind, a reminder of what i've lost.

I step back into the restaurant, the warmth of the room doing nothing to chase away the cold that's settled deep in my chest. I sink back into the chair, burying my face in my hand as the tears spill over, hot and uncontrollable. I can't stop them, can't hold back the sobs that shake my body as i mourn the future i'll never have.

I cry for the love i never expressed, for the moments i'll never share with her, for the words i'll never get to say. I cry because i've lost her, and because i never really had her to begin with.

The restaurant is quite, the other patrons oblivious to my pain as i sit there, alone and broken. The night stretches out before me, dark and endless, and i know that nothing will ever be the same.