The Nights We Stay Awake (TemperancexReader)

24. "I don't wanna be anywhere else"

Temperance pov

I sit quietly in the corner of the living room, watching Y/n as she rests on the couch. She's finally fallen asleep, her breathing deep and even, and for that, i'm grateful. It's been days since she came home from the hospital, and while her physical injuries are healing, i can see the weight of everything she's been through pressing down on her, making her look smaller, more fragile that i've ever seen her.

The room is filled with a soft, golden light from the setting sun filtering through the curtains. It casts a warm glow on Y/n's face, making her look peaceful, almost like the Y/n i remember before everything become so complicate. Before Emily. Before i realise how tangled my feelings had become.

My hands are folded in my lap, fingers clenched together as if to stop them from reaching out. I don't dare touch her. Not because i don't want to- god, i do- but because i'm afraid of what that touch might mean. For her. For me. For everything that's still unresolved between us.

It's strange, being here like this, so close and yet so far from her. I'm not sure what my feelings are anymore. I know that i still love her, that much is undeniable. But the lines between friendship and something more have always been blurred, and now i don't know where i stand- or where she stands, for that matter.

Not with what she made me promise in the hospital. And i intend to keep it, i'm never leaving her side again. No matter what happens.

She shifts slightly in her sleep, a small sigh escaping her lips, and my heart tightens in my chest. The urge to reach out, to smooth her hair away from her face, to just be close to her, is overwhelming. But i stay where i am, my hands clenching tighten in my lap.

There's so much i want to say to her, so many things that have been left unsaid between us. But the words stick in my throat, tangled up with the uncertainty and fear that have been gnawing at me since the moment i saw her run into that burning building on the news.

I know i should be grateful that she's alive, that she made it out with only minor injures. But there's a part of me that's still terrified, that's clinging to this need to be near her, to make sure she stays alive. It's irrational, i know, but it's all i can think about.

The truth is, i don't want to be anywhere else but by her side. Even if i don't know what my feelings mean anymore, even if i'm scared to touch her or say the things i'm feeling, i can't bring myself to leave. I need to be here, to watch over her, to make sure she's okay.

Penelope's been so good at keeping everyone at bay, making sure Y/n has time to rest, to heal. But when she leaves, when it's just the two of us, the silence in the room is deafening. It's filled with all the things we're not saying, all the things i'm too afraid to say.

I look at Y/n again, my heart aching with everything i'm holding back. She looks so peaceful, so vulnerable in this moment, and i can't help but wonder if she feels any of what i'm feeling. If she's as confused and uncertain as i am. Or if she's already moved on, left whatever we had- or didn't have- behind.

I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. I've always been good at compartmentalising, at keeping my emotions in check. But with Y/n, it's different. She's always been different.

There's a knock at the door, and i startle, quickly rising to my feet. Y/n stirs, but doesn't wake, and i hurry to the door, needing the distraction, the chance to put some distance between myself and the overwhelming need to be close to her.

When i open the door, it's Morgan standing there, a bag of takeout in one hand and a familiar, easy smile on his face. "Brought dinner," he says, his voice low, as if not to disturb Y/n.

I nod, stepping aside to let him in. "She's asleep," i whisper, closing the door behind him.

Morgan sets the bag on the table and glances over at Y/n. "How's she doing?" he asks quietly, his concern evident.

"She's... healing," i say, my voice faltering slightly. It's the truth, but it doesn't feel like enough. There's so much more beneath the surface, so much more that i don't know how to express.

He nods, understanding in his eyes. "And you?"

I force a small smile, trying to brush off the question. "I'm fine. Just... worried about her."

He looks at me for a long moment, and i can see that he's not convinced. He'd seen me rushing through the hospital, talked to Booth about what happened. But he doesn't push, just gives me a gentle nod. "We all are."

We sit in silence for a while, Morgan occasionally glancing at Y/n, me trying to focus on anything but the aching need to be closer to her, to say something - anything - that might help make sense of the mess of emotions inside me.

But in the end, i say nothing. I can't. I'm too afraid of what it might mean, of what it might change. That courage i'd gathered over a month ago, when i had planned on telling her, is all gone.

So i sit there, on the edge of the room, watching her sleep, and tell myself that this is enough. That just being here, making sure she's alive, is all i need.

Even if it's not.