The Nights We Stay Awake (TemperancexReader)

34. "It's eerily quiet"

Temperance pov

The room is eerily quiet, the only sound the steady beep of the heart monitor that seems to taunt me with every passing second. Y/n lies motionless in the bed, her face pale against the sterile white sheets, her chest barely rising and falling beneath the thing hospital gown. Tubes and wires connect her to machines that keep her alive, each one a lifeline that feels more fragile than the last.

I sit beside her, my hands trembling as i reach out to take hers. Her skin is cold, almost lifeless, and it sends a shiver down my spine. How did we end up here? How did she end up like this - so broken, so fragile - when all she was doing was trying to get to me?

The thoughts won't stop, circling in my mind like vultures, tearing me apart piece by piece. This is my fault. She was on her way to see me. She was coming to my apartment, to tell me... to tell me what? That she loved me? That she couldn't stay away anymore? And now look at her. Look at what i've done.

I try to shake the thoughts away, but they cling to me, suffocating me. I can still see her car, parked outside my apartment, where she was taken. She was so close, so damn close, and i was inside, reading a book, oblivious to everything. Oblivious to the fact that just outside, she was being ripped away from me.

Why didn't i hear anything? Why didn't i notice? I could have looked out the window, i could have seen something, done something. But no, i was safe and sound, and now... now she's here, barely clinging to life, because of me. Because of Booth. Because we locked that man away, and he wanted revenge. Revenge on us, and he took her instead.

The weight of it all crashes down on me, making it hard to breathe. My chest tightens, my vision blurs with tears, and i can't stop the sobs from breaking time. I was supposed to protect her. I was supposed to keep her safe, and now she's lying here, fighting for her life, and there's nothing i can do.

"Please," i whisper, my voice cracking as i clutch her hand tighter. "Please, Y/n... come back to me. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this happened to you... because of me."

But she doesn't move. She doesn't respond. The steady beep of the monitor is the only answer i get, and it feels like a slap to the face.

I stare at her, willing her to open her eyes, to wake up, but deep down, i know it's not that simple. She's in a coma. She's not just sleeping- she's fighting for her life, and i don't know if she's strong enough to win this time. Not after everything she's been through.

I can't lose her. I can't. But as i sit here, watching her, i can't stop the fear from creeping in, the fear that maybe, just maybe, this is my punishment. My punishment for not realising sooner how much she meant to me. For not telling her that i loved her, that i've loved her for so long. And now, i might never get the chance.

My thoughts spiral out of control, each one darker and more hopeless than the last, until i'm drowning in them. I don't even notice the change at first- the light irregularity in the beeping. But then it happens all at once.

The machines start screaming, the monitor blaring an alarm that sends my heart into my throat. I jump, my eyes wide with terror as Y/n's body convulses, her chest seizing violently.

"Y/N!" I scream, but my voice is lost in the chaos as doctors and nurses flood into the room, pushing me back, their faces masks of grim determination.

"Code Blue! We're losing her!" One of the nurses shouts, and my world tilts on its axis.

"No, no, no!" I sob, trying to push forward, but Penelope's arms are around me, pulling me back, holding me as i scream her name. "Please, don't take her from me."

They're working frantically, administering shocks, pushing medication, doing everything they can to bring her back. But i can't see right; everything's a blur through my tears, and all i can do is watch in horror as they fight to save her.

"Clear!" a doctor shouts, and they deliver a shock to her chest. Her body jerks violently, but there's no response.

"Come on, Y/n, come on!" another voice, someone i can't identify, pleads desperately.

"Clear!" The shock comes again, and for a moment, everything stops. The monitor is silent, the room holds its breath, and then-

A beep. Faint, but there.

"She's back," someone says, relief heavy in their voice. "She's back... for now."

But i can't breath. My legs give out, and Penelope holds me up, her own tears falling freely as she whispers reassurances i can't hear. My world has narrowed to that faint, fragile beep, and the realisation that it could stop at any moment.

"Please," i whisper again, brokenly this time, to anyone who's listening, to whatever power might be out there. "Please... don't take her from me."

They're still working on her, stabilising her, but they're pushing us out of the room, telling us we need to leave, that they need space fo work. I don't want to go, i can't leave her, but Penelope pulls me away, and i stumble, blinded by tears, out into the hallway.

The door closes behind us with a finality that feels like death sentence, and i collapse into Penelope's arms, my body wracked with sobs i can't control.

"She'll be okay," Penelope whispers, but her voice is shaking, and i know she's just trying to convince herself as much as she's trying to convince me.

But i can't believe it. Not after what i just saw. All i can do is cling to her, sobbing uncontrollably as the weight of everything finally crushes me.

She saved Parker. She protected him, just like she always does. But who's going to protect her? Who's going to save her, if not me? I failed her once, and i can't fail her again. I can't lose her.

But as we wait, time stretching out like an eternity, all i can do is pray that it's not already too late.

And come to the realisation that i'd rather lose her alive, than lose her to death.