drifted | M.R.

018 | goodbye...

trigger warning: mention of suicide, suicide attempt, implied self harm, mention of self harm
word count: 792
(very big trigger warning. I'm so sorry.)

For so long, Brooke always wanted to be a mother. She would lay in bed, her covers up to her chin as she smiled towards the ceiling. She pictured what she wanted her future to look like. She would want 4 kids, a small house on a lake and a loving husband.

But now when she's in the same position, looking at the ceiling with the covers up to her chin, all she can think about is leaving the planet. She would remember being extremely happy when she was younger but all she was filled with now was sadness.

Theodore came home about an hour ago, walking straight to his room and shutting the door. He told everyone he was going on a walk. Obviously that wasn't the case. It made him sad that no one else was checking up on the broken boy.

Everyone was making sure Brooke was okay, and he understood but that made everyone forget that Mattheo was broken too. If Theodore had it his way, the couple would be together and helping each other when it was needed.

Sadly, that was just not the case.

Brooke felt herself slowly slipping away. She wasn't present in the world anymore, not like she was to begin with but it was becoming more noticeable. When someone came into her room, she wouldn't even know because she was too busy staring at the ceiling.

Belle was trying her hardest to keep her happy but she could see her slowly falling apart more and more. Honestly the girl was just waiting till she broke. She was hoping she could be there for when that happened. Draco and Daphne were checking on her daily as well.

Enzo was with Belle most of the time. He became Brookes safety net when she wanted the comfort of Mattheo but he obviously wasn't there for it to happen. Theodore checked on her but not as much as he did with Mattheo. Everyone questioned it but he would always get defensive so they just let it happen.

Pansy, Daphne and Belle would visit all together at times for it to be like girls. They tried making her smile but she hadn't in a while. They didn't know how much she appreciated it though. Everyone tried in some way to help her get better.

But it had been like this for a month now.

It was breaking up the group. Everyone was slowly falling apart and Brooke could see it. She wasn't stupid. They used to all come to her room at least once a week just to talk and laugh. It would have been more if she wouldn't have gotten scared with it being all the time. Now they never did.

Brooke cried most of her time now. She didn't like human touch. It made her feel uncomfortable and scared. The only touch she wanted was Mattheo. She hadn't showered in about a week. The only reason she did last was to wash off blood that was pouring out of her cuts. She didn't know how to cope. All she did was drink and cut. It was her way of escaping the world now.

Mattheo was doing okay, he was slowly getting better. His head was clear more often and having Theodore was a huge help. It made him have something to focus on. He still talked to Mila daily, but it was a comfort thing for him. He wondered how Brooke was doing every second of the day.

He wondered if she ate, if she showered, if she was crying. He wanted to help her but he didn't know how. And he didn't want to try and help her when he couldn't even help himself.

Back with Brooke, she was sitting on her bathroom floor with a razor in her hand. The door was open. The shower was running. The lights were off. She was staring at her wrist with tears streaming down her face.

She had written the letters. It took her almost all day. Mattheo's was the hardest. She sobbed while writing it. A blanket was around her body as she sat at the desk she hadn't sat at in almost a month and a half.

She slid the razor across her wrists, whispering "I deserve this." The blood gushed from her skin, making her smile slightly. She set the razor down and stared at the wall across from her, waiting until the dizziness kicked in.

When it did she shut her eyes. Soon enough she was falling on the floor, her breathing slowing down.

And her world went black.