Life without him

Telling it Like it is. 1

HEY INTERNET, IT'S ME! BILL CIPHER!

Man, wasn't that last story such a sob show? You must be feeling back for poor Fordsy. And you're probably side eyeing me, huh? Well let me tell it like it is, sister!

1. I didn't mean for him to get shot! It was my duty to protect him, remember? Even if I didn't want to, cosmic forces would make me. So how did we get shot? They obviously snuck up on me and shot me when I wasn't looking! Wasn't pleasant for me either, reader. You think I like being covered in blood? Of course not! I just enjoy the occasional glass of blood every now and then. I only drink it!

2. He acts like he's never had a wild vacation before. Hell, even those pines twins had a body swapping day. Half those activities even kids could do! (with adult supervision of course) So I took some Xoinar and got a little cut up? That's what happens when you're high on Xoinar. What does he want from me?

3. Some people are going around and calling me selfish for hogging his body for a week. I'm not selfish! He was a jerk. Did you see what he said to me before I left? Doesn't he remember I can hear his thoughts? They're so hurtful! Who wouldn't need time away from somebody after that? And I thought this generation was all about mental health. 

 Now, I'm not going to bore you to death with all the drama. I'm gonna tell you a better story. This one was back when Ford was in Gravity Falls. We had been talking for a few months or so. And the portal's production was already in the works. Our story begins when Ford decided to show me what human drugs and alcohol were like:

"You're not going to join me?", I asked disappointed.

He chuckled. "I did my fair share of coke in college. And Adderall. And shrooms. And weed. And probably other stuff. Trust me, coke doesn't last long. You gotta keep doing it throughout the night. Besides humans get addicted to that stuff pretty easily. I better not get back into it. But you're not human. ... maybe that's worse....", he trailed off.

"Oh don't you worry about me! I just feel weird if I'm the only one, IQ. You need at least two for a party!", I said enthusiastically. I was really hoping Sixer was going to join. It's lame when it's just you.

"Oh, I'll get drunk quick after some shots, some scotches, maybe even a rum if I go buy some from the bar . . .", he said.

"Well what are we waiting for?! Let's get fucking wasteddddd!!!!", I yelled and we got to it. Flashforward til after Ford had taken 5 shots, two scotches, and started smoking weed. I made another line of powder on the desk and snorted it up. Although, doing it in front of Sixer made me embarrassed. In order to snort it, I had to sink my eye into my body and deeply exhale through my socket/hole. But Ford made it a point not to stare.

" heEYY BiLLlll you got a lighter? I can't find it.", he said looking around. I held out my finger and lit it with a small flame. After lighting his pipe for him he thanked me and let out a cloud of smoke into the air.

He looked over at me with his cute droopy eyes. "Hey Bill? Hhowww-how do I know if you's in my dream? Like whhaat-what if-if like I dream you but 's not realllly you? Like how would- how would I know?", he asked. Clearly he was were inebriated. 

"I guess you could just ask me. Why? You had a strange dream of me?", I asked. He smiled widely and blushed.

"No! Noooo! Not at ALL! Just good to know- to know that, uh . . . what are we talking 'bout?", he asked.

"dreams?"

"Aw, yeaa! Uh, yeah! We did NOT have sex! 'Cause I don't think that's how it works, you know? Hhoooww-how does it-does it work with triangles?", he asked. My eye was wide with surprised. Sixer had a sex dream about me? 'I should get him drunk more', I thought.