march ² [poetry]

x. caught lying to myself

the best - gracie abrams
“now i feel terrible 'bout how i handled it.”

i thought no one noticed, yet you did
but i'm a ghost, a nowhere-to-belong
i'm not counted, i'm not included
so why do you care to string me along?
are you really that stupid?
didn't you see the wires turn wrong?
that with me, you're socially executed?

you're the fairy-lighted earth angel
i'm the one that colores sunshine blue
you're a friend to every hurt stranger
i take the glamour from the moon
you're happily the world-changer
you shouldn't care for me, but you do
and i don't get it, but i'm grateful

my dreams write every poem about you
the notebook's empty, last page dull
i look up from the paper, somehow cry
but i think that's meant to say goodbye

you've always been too generous to me
giving your all and taking none of mine
i'm always getting asked like a star on tv
but i've never dared to ask for your time

and if that's worth anything, i'm sorry
our interview-talks don't include ties
if it comes down to who's at fault here
please be honest and tell them it's mine

because we both know it's been about me
only i am to blame for not taking your side
i just think you deserve another apology
for not defending you, being too shy

if you've read until now, i'm sorry
that i was just pretending sometimes -
you made me a star, but you were mine
you were the only one in my entire sky.