Back from the veil

Chapter 2 : Guilt and reunion

Harry was throwing everything that was in front of him in Dumbledore's office, wishing Voldemort had just finished him off. Because of how stupid he had been, Sirius was dead. How could he continue living while the only family that he had was dead because of him? He didn't want to feel anything ever again. He didn't deserved to be alive after that. If only he had listened and practise occlumency nothing would have happened. It was entirely his fault and he knew that. Therefore he never wanted to feel anything again.

Nothing could ever fill the void he was feeling and the fact that Sirius was dead while everyone thought he is a crazy murderer when he had risked everything for him in the last two year. The only hope he had of ever feeling loved was gone with him and it was all his fault.

He continued throwing everything away as the door opened behind him. He didn't heard it thought. He didn't care about Dumbledore seeing the state of his office. He didn't cared about anything anymore. He just wished he was dead too. He didn't deserved to be alive.

"Harry? Harry ! Are you alright The voice that spoke wasn't Dumbledore's. It sounded like Sirius, but it couldn't be as he was dead. It was just his imagination and his guilt talking."NO! Harry shouted, to the voice in his head, "stop, stop torturing me, I can't, I can't, I don't want to feel anything. I don't deserve to feel anything anymore. I killed him..." "Harry, I am right here, you didn't killed anyone. I am well and I'm worried about you" said Sirius softly. He tried his best to not let his voice tremble but seing Harry in such a state was really hard and even thought Sirius was everything but a crier, tears were starting to fill his eyes by seing this godson so devastated.

He always knew he cared about him. At first because he was all that remained of James and Lily, and because of how he reminded him about his long list bestfriend. But with time he had begun ton be found of the boy for who he was. The fact that Harry was ready to risk everything for him tonight just proved how much the feeling was mutual.

Harry slowly turned around and froze. "You are not real, I saw you getting killed by bellatrix, you are here to tourment me even more,THERE IS NO NEED, I died inside too" shouted harry. "Harry, I swear it is me, I am still here. I won't leave you anytime soon believe me. If only you knew how much I care about you Harry and how much it means t me that you wanted to save me... I swear to you we are going to be a family" a tear run down Sirius's cheek while saying that. Harry first thought that he was lying because how could someone really care about him ? No one does. Of course Ron and Hermione liked him and his parents may have loved him but that was a long time aho. Now he was just liked or hated because he was the boy who survived. but somthing in the way Sirius said this finale line and the fact that he had never thought he will see his godfather cry made harry finally broke down in more tears that he knew he could produce.

He felt on his knees submerged by all the emotions he was feeling and Sirius broke the distance, kneeled besides him and hugged him tightly "I am so sorry Sirius, you must hate me so much" said harry between his sobs in a crackling voice "I could never hate you prongslet, I am really proud of you, I love you and you're stuck with me for a long time" responded Sirius quietly

Love? Harey never thought he would hear that from a relative as he was always "the freak" or "boy" to the dursley's. But for the first time something in him wanted to believe it was true "I love you too Sirius" murmured harry. Saying the words he never thought he would be answering to a relative because well the only one he knew for most of his life hated him and until 5 minutes ago he was sure that the only relative left that may have cared about him was dead because of him.

They stayed like that for a long time, until Harry finally calmed down. Sirius broke the hug and made harry sit in a chair besides the one he took for himself and said more seriously "Harry, I want to listen to me very carefully. As thought I am profoundly touch by your gesture and proud of your courage. I never want you to do something like that again for me. I know I am not in a good place to tell you that because well I'm not good at thinking before acrin either but you can't act so recklessly, I know what you felt like when you went after my cousin, because I did the same with Pettigrew" Sirius's voice broke a little before he continued " but I will regret this forever because if I haven't let my need of vengeance take the best of me things could have been so different. You have to promise me you will never do that again "

" I know but, well actually I did think before acting. I couldn't let you die, after When I check up if you were home by umbridge's floo and Kreatcher told me you weren't I just lost it, that was the proof I needed, I couldn't stay without doing anything. As for wanting to avenge you, I wasn't thinking straight, I thought I just lost you, that you were dead because of me and I truly lost my mind"

Sirius pause for a second before understanding what Harry said "Wait, what? Kreacher told you WHAT? I am going to murder him! I never left grimmauld square until Snape told us where you were and I couldn't stay behind. Harry why didn't you used the two ways mirror I gave you?

"What mirror?" Asked Harry clueless "Wait, is this that gify you gave me when Christmas break ended? I...actually never opened it. I had promised myself I would never tell you anything that could have resulted to you leaving grimmauld square and that ended up doing the exact opposite. I am sorry Sirius... It's just after seeing you so angry at Snape I feared that you would juste came to Hogwarts the second something was wrong with my scar or occlumency lessons and I couldn't be the reason you were send back to azkaban"

" I am sorry too, I guess you wouldn't have thought that if I hadb't act so reckless and actually listened to your concerns about people seeing me. I am the one who offered to come and see you as padfoot when you warned me that Malfoy knew something. I am never making that mistake again believe me"

"I'm sorry, it's just, I thought that if I told you what was happening in hogwarts and my thoughts about Voldemort you would come check up on me and get yourself arrested, I couldn't bear the thought of you getting back in Azkaban or worse because of me"

Sirius sighted loudly "I am sorry you believed that Harry. I would indeed do anything to keep you safe, but not if it meant having a chance to loose you for good. I indeed left home and acted reckless by coming in the ministery today, but like you, I couldn't let you being killed because of me. Besides that won't be a problem anymore. Fudge actually saw me in the ministery and wanted to arrest me at once but Dumbledore obliged him to make a fair trial for me and placed me under his protection until them"

Harry couldn't believe what he just heard. It was too good to be true, for the first time there was a real hope that his godfather could be cleared of all charges" "what? You mean that you could be freed?" "Yes and once I am we will be a proper family I swear" Harry couldn't resist the urge to hug his godfather. Sirius responded to the hug, he was so relieved that they were alright.

"I need to tell you something else, when I went thought that damn veil, I actually "died" I found myself in the place between life and death, and I saw your dad" Harry's eyes lit up "you what? You talked to him?" "Yeah, he made me choose between continuing with him or going back, but I couldn't just let you. He also asked me to tell you that he and your mum loves you and that they are beyond proud of you"

A tear run down Harry's cheek as he realized what Sirius told him. He could have chosen to stay with his dad that he missed everyday' To be at peace but he chose to come back to the living world where everyone saw him as a crazy mass murderer. Someone had chosen him despise everything else. He was indeed loved.
"You mean, you chose to leave my dad and come back somewhere everyone thinks you are a murderer for me?"

"Harry, I am your godfather. It is my duty to take care of you and until now I was a failure at that job but I wan't to try again and succeed this time. You deserve at least that. I would have never let you alone you know" responded Sirius softly.

Harry couldn't hold down the tears that were coming up again. And at that moment he did not care that he seemed vulnerable. He was. But he also was incredibly relieved and touched by everything his godfather told him

At that moment Dumbledore entered the room.