Not Like Last Time

Chapter 4

Dinner was loud. Well, it wasn't quiet. Everyone was talking. We're getting a new girl, apparently. I listened, but I wasn't that interested. Maybe I should be, but then again, why should I? It's not like I'll talk to her anyways.

***

A few days later during Group, sure enough, a new girl came. She had dark brown hair, with striking blue eyes. I saw the scars immediately. They were all the way up her arm, cross hatched. There was a mark around her neck. Probably tried to hang herself.

She looked at me, and her expression changed, for just a moment. Just a single moment. But it was all I needed. Cassie. I blinked. It wasn't Cassie. Cassie didn't have brown hair, she had blonde. She didn't have brown eyes, she had green ones.

Hope had fluttered in my chest for a second. A selfish hope. I would never wish for someone to end up here (maybe some people). And Cassie deserved it the least. She needed, or maybe still needs, help, but not from a place like this.

The new girl sat next to me, which I was surprised by. I'm not very welcome-looking. My eyes look like a dark chasm you could fall into, a chasm of pain, and anger.

She gave me a once over and then glanced at Bailey. "Do you want me to introduce myself or some shit?" Of course she would. The first day of Group we all introduced ourselves.

"Please."

"I'm Lucy." She said shortly, then looked down at her lap at the scars crosshatching her skin.

"Alright then. Today, we're going to talk about what to do when you feel that you want to relapse." Bailey put her clipboard down on her lap. "We're going to go around the circle, and everyone is going to share." She cast a small glance at me and I tensed. Out loud? I asked with my eyes.

Bailey gave a subtle nod. Lucy glanced over at me, raising her eyebrows. I met her eyes and she held it for a few seconds before looking away.

"I'm going to call someone, get them to distract me or come over so they can watch me." Kailey replied, fiddling with her hands. She'd put on a bit of weight since she got here, and she looked healthier.

"Deal with it. Write my feelings down or go for a long walk." Selene's voice was much quieter than usual. Something seemed off about her today. I tilted my head slightly looking at her and she glared at me.

Judy answered next. "Listen to music and paint." She was a really good painter. She could paint anyone in hyperrealism.

Carlee shrugged. "Get out of my head, I guess."

I took a deep breath, clenching the marker in my hand until my knuckles turned white. It was my turn to talk. "Dealia?" Bailey prompted gently.

"Write." I mutter. "Write every last thing."

Lucy was next. She scoffed. "I haven't been clean long enough to think about that."

The corner of Bailey's lips turned down, the closest thing to a frown I'd ever seen her do. "Think about it. Is there anything that helps you when you feel down?"

Lucy paused, visibly tensing. If there was something, she definitely didn't want to share it. Finally she responded. "Yes."

Bailey didn't press her, just wrote on her clipboard. It was silent for a while. "Right. Now, what would you do if you couldn't do any of that? Say you had no service, or you didn't have any art supplies, or a pen and paper, things like that." A pause. "I'll give you a few minutes to think about it."

I thought hard. If I didn't have a pen and paper, which would be likely if I got a job or went out with a friend or something, what would I do? I'd need to clear my head. Take deep breaths, maybe just look out the window. I was still thinking when Bailey said my name.