Not Like Last Time

Chapter 8

Cassie swung from the ceiling fan. Back and forth, back and forth. Her legs were kicking but her hands remained firmly at her sides. She saw me and her eyes widened. She kicked out at me when I tried to move closer, hitting me hard in the arm. I winced.

I yelled and screamed for her parents until I heard running footsteps from down the hall. I kept trying to get to the rope, to cut it, but Cassie kept kicking at me. Her kicks were getting weaker and weaker and her face was turning purple.

Tears started streaming down my face. I heard myself yelling, but it all sounded muffled. Her parents burst in and they stopped in their tracks.

I yelled for them to do something to help me, but it all just sounded like I was yelling through water. After what seemed like forever her dad lunged forward and cut the rope with his pocket knife.

Cassie fell with a loud thud to the floor. Her dad checked her pulse and burst into tears. He shook his head. Her mother screamed and sobbed into the phone as she called 911. I screamed at them to try something, anything.

Start doing chest compressions for god's sake! I heard myself yell, but Cassie's dad just sobbed harder. Fine. I'd have to do it myself. I positioned myself over Cassie and started chest compressions. I learned it from Rivers, what we had to do if we ever found someone without a pulse in the hospital.

One two three four.

Breath into the mouth.

Repeat.

Tears dripped onto her face as I kept going. I kept going harder and harder, I could hear her ribs cracking and breaking. I didn't even hear the paramedics come upstairs until I felt one dragging me away from her. I kicked and screamed.

"No! She's my best friend! Save her! Don't just stand there! Save her! Save...her!" I screamed, breaking into sobs as the paramedic coaxed me away.

"Sweetie, where's your parents?" She asked, taking me outside of Cassie's room.

"The white house next d-door. That's where my mom is." I stammered in between gasps.

"Okay, honey, it's okay. Breathe. Deep breaths. Come on. What's your name honey?"

"D-Dealia." I gasped out, trying to get a hold of myself.

"Okay, Dealia, let's get your mom okay?"

I nodded and let her lead me outside and back to my house where my mom was stumbling out of the porch. I assumed Cassie's mom called her. She wasn't giving me the cold look anymore, she looked like my mother.

She pulled me into a tight hug again, telling me that it's alright and I need to breathe and that it's not my fault. I couldn't have saved her. I cried so hard that my head hurt. It took Mom hours to get me to stop. She stayed by my side all night, comforting me everytime I woke up.

In the morning my eyes were puffy and bloodshot. Everything crashed over me again from last night and I felt fresh tears bubbling to my eyes. I forced them back down. Mom was slumped in a chair, snoring softly. I sat up.

Her eyes snapped open. "Oh, Dealia." She whispered, pulling me into a tight hug. "It wasn't your fault."

"I know." I breathed. No I didn't. I blamed myself. If only I hadn't been so harsh on her yesterday. If only I had gone over a few minutes earlier. If only.

"Let's get you some breakfast, okay?"

I nodded and followed her downstairs and watched blankly as she made scrambled eggs and bacon. All I could think was Cassie's dead. Cassie's dead. Cassie's dead and it's your fault. Your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault.

I ate breakfast. "I'm going for a walk." I said, forcing some feeling into my voice. Mom looked like she was about to refuse so I added, "I'll be fine. Promise."

I checked my phone. The guy who sold me the bike had replied. 'Perfect. Come whenever you're ready. I live on Easton Road. Second house on the left.'

I grabbed a wad of cash from my savings in my room and then started heading towards Easton Road. I glanced at Cassie's house and sadness welled inside of me. I wondered where her family was. If they were inside sobbing, if they were already planning the funeral.

I didn't want to think about it but it was also the only thing I could think about. I distanced my mind until I was numb, just the sounds of my footsteps occupying my brain.

It took me about an hour and a half to reach Easton. I knocked on the door. A guy who looked to be twenty opened the door. My eyes widened and his did too.

"Samuel?"

"Dealia?"

We said at the same time, and he smiled. I managed one as well. "That's my name. Here to pick up a bike." I laughed. "I'm assuming it's yours?"

He nodded. "Yeah. And you don't need to pay, now that I know it's you." He took me around the back where the bike was waiting. I was about to protest about paying for it but he gave me a look and I put up my hands.

"Alright, alright." I laughed, in a better mood now.

"Good. Glad you got out of the hospital. Are you and Cassie still friends?" He asked and my mood switched immediately.

"Actually, Sam, there's something you need to know." I blinked hard, willing my voice not to crack.

"Okay. Let's sit down, yeah?" He sat down in the grass and I sat across from him. He frowned. He definitely knew something was wrong.

"Cassie's ... She...she committed last night. Her and I got into a huge fight the other day because of the way she treated me while I did drug runs and she wanted to get right back into doing the crazy stuff we used to do. She called me last night at 2 in the morning, saying she was sorry." I took a big shuddering breath. "I felt like something was off but I ignored it for a bit and then I snuck in her room. She'd hung herself. And she wouldn't let me cut her down. She wouldn't let me help her. She died. If I had just been a little nicer. If I had just gotten there a little earlier maybe–"

"Hey, hey. Don't blame yourself." Sam whispered, wiping his own eyes. "She made her decision. She didn't get the help she needed. But she's gonna be okay now." He wiped the tears that had started streaming away with his thumb. "Let's get you that bike, okay?"

I nodded and stood, calming myself down. After a few minutes of silence and adjusting the bike I whispered, "I heard you're clean now."

Sam smiled sadly. "Sure am. After you went away, I knew it was our fault. We made you do those runs, and I knew what kind of guy that we were buying from was. I knew what he would make you do. And I never told you you could stop." He paused, his eyes flitting around, his hands fidgeting in his lap. "Anyway. I checked myself into rehab and got better. Some days I still struggle but I'm never going back to how I was."

"Do you know what happened to Macus?"

He shook his head. "No. He just stopped showing up one day. I figure he's probably dead from an overdose." He shrugged. "Guess it's just us now."

I didn't answer, changing the subject quickly. "Do you still have the same number?"

"Yeah. Do you?"

"Yeah." I answered, checking the time quickly. "I should get back home before my mom starts worrying." I walked my bike from his driveway.

"Keep in touch, yeah?" He called from his porch, waving.

I smiled and nodded, waving back. I hopped on the bike and rode home.