Not Like Last Time

Chapter 5

This was it. It's the last individual session before I get to go back. Is it stupid that I'll low-key miss this place? I mean, I'm happy to get out, but there was a comfort in having everything set out for me.

Now it was going to be all up to me again.

"Let's go over what's going to happen when you get back to your home." Bailey said, her fingers drumming on her clipboard silently.

"I'm going to take the bus, and I'm going to sit in the front. Don't take anything anyone offers me. After I get home I'm going to unpack and write. I can't go back to Marcus, Samuel, or Cassie. I have to get a job, and get myself back on my feet so I can live on my own."

She nodded. "Good. If you need to book therapy, do it. And make sure you write whenever you feel like you might relapse. This is your second chance, Dealia. Don't mess it up." For the first time, Bailey wasn't smiling. She wasn't exactly frowning either, just serious.

"I know." I mutter, looking down. I did know, but I was scared I was going to mess it up. It wouldn't be normal for someone like me. People will always stare at my scars if I don't cover them up. People will stare when I randomly bring out a notebook and start writing in it because I'm overwhelmed.

Everytime I go silent and don't talk, someone will think What a freak.

It will not be the same. But I didn't want to stay here for the rest of my life–well, part of me does, part of me doesn't. The part that doesn't outweighs the part that does.

Bailey stood up and I slung my duffel bag over my shoulder. "I'll walk you out to the bus." She murmured. I wondered if it was always awkward and maybe even a little sad when she had to say goodbye to her patients that she loves so much.

"It's bittersweet." She said, as if reading my mind. "I want to see all of you grow and get better. But it's also sad seeing you go. I know that I can't stay in your lives after you leave this place."

"Oh," Was all I could say. We got to the bus and my steps faltered for a moment. I took a deep breath, waved goodbye to Bailey, and got on the bus. The bus wasn't that full, and I handed the driver the note Bailey gave me along with the money. Luckily, there was a seat open two seats from the driver.

I sat in it, avoiding looking at the person across from me. I stared out the window, watching Rivers disappear as the bus sped away. I haven't been outside of Rivers in almost a year. It was spring, so the air was a bit chilly, but not terrible.

I thought back to three days before I left, when I'd gone to check my email to see if Cassie had responded. She had. It wasn't exactly what I'd expected.

Hey, Dee Dee. Of course I remember you. And yeah you've been in there for about 5 months now. Things here are good. Marcus stopped meeting up with Samuel and I, so I don't know where he went. Samuel stopped doing drugs, he preaches about being clean all the freaking time. Like we get it–you're a goody two shoes again. Jesus, I can't wait until you get back so that we can do crazy shit again.

xoxoxoxoxo, Cassie

I was glad that Samuel stopped doing drugs. But the way Cassie had written it, it made it sound like she hadn't. Which was bad for me, especially since I couldn't go back to her in the first place, much less do the crazy shit she wants to.

The worst part is that she's my neighbor, so she'll know the second I get home. I pulled out my phone that I'd gotten back. I scrolled until I found Mom.

I pressed call with shaky fingers.

"Dealia?"

"Mom." I said, my voice shaking a bit. I didn't know how she would react, but I knew I needed to stay serious. "I need you to do me a favor."