Our Little Group :) (Carl Grimes x Male OC)

37. It'll Be Over Soon.

TW:
GORE
BLOOD
WEAPONS
WALKERS
DEATH
SWEARING
MENTION OF SUISIDE
MENTION OF SEX
<<<MAX POV>>>

Rick and Michonne found their way to Hilltop after two days, this morning. A bunch of people from the Kingdom are here, though a lot of people are dead. I was told I can't go in the infirmary anymore, I ask why and they say 'because Daryl and Rick said so.' And that's the only answer they tell before changing the topic. I'm not allowed any of my weapons while alone, someone told Dad I could be suicidal after the fact. Carl's death has impacted my head so much, and my actions. I'm used to getting out of bed in the morning and he's there sleeping peacefully but he wasn't this morning and I sobbed. Carl also always was outside with Judith watching stars, so I continued Carl's tradtion of holding Judith showing her the stars. He did it every night, looked at the stars with Judith telling her the constellations and how to find the little and big dipper, the northern star and other little stories he said Lori told him when he was younger. It sometimes got to midnight when I'd have to go out and get him from the porch, Judith was always asleep.

Lillian, Judith, Jax, and Charlotte don't know Carl's dead, the only reason Judith and Charlotte don't know is because they're babies. But they've both been crying alot more recently, Carl was the main one to take care of the two if everyone else left. Cecily, Jax and Lilly are all super close now, after they all stayed at Hilltop for a few weeks waiting out the fight that still hasn't ended. Carl wanted it to end, we had a talk a few nights ago over the walkie talkie while Faith was asleep. He didn't want us to fight, but not surrender either, he wanted us to form some sort of deal with the saviors and Negan. I also read the letter he gave me, i could barely read it my heart hurt so bad, I got angry too and almost killed an innocent person.

Most people tell me I've been a lot angrier over 'stupid shit' including dad, Remi said that anger is my main emotion when I've lost something or someone special. I can't help that, I was taught anger is key by my parents and I'm surprised Remi isn't the same way. She takes her anger and turns it to sadness I've seen her cry so many times just because she was angry. I take it the violent way, it's gotten better over the years of being with Carl and our group and it scares me that I'll go back to that way. Carl was my savior in a lot of things, the most important one was showing me that I can show emotion other than anger and I love him for that reason and every reason ever.

"Remi? Are you in here?" The infirmary door creaks open and Remi rushes to close the curtains. "Max! They said you can't come in here, it's dangerous!" She pushes me out of the door closing it behind herself and glaring up at me. "Sorry, I was bored." She sighs pulling me away from the infirmary and to the fence holding In prisoners. What does she mean by dangerous? For me or something else? I'll ask her later, she seems busy. "Sorry Rem, you can go back to work I'll find something to do." My sister runs back over to the infirmary and slams the door shut after she enters the house leaving me alone. What does she mean by dangerous, seriously I'm confused on that.

"Dad, seriously. What's in the infirmary this so dangerous I can't go inside?" It's later in the day, close to six pm and I've been asking everyone about the infirmary again. Dad is the last person I've asked today and I won't give up until I get an answer other than 'because Daryl and Rick say so'. Dad sighs sitting me down and removing both my knife and bat from my belt. "Just don't get pissed off we didn't tell you, it was for you're own good." My heart starts pounding and so does my head, dad stalls looking back to the infirmary and to me. "Theres a chance Carl is alive, hes in the infirmary but it doesnt mean hell ma-" I cut him off my boots thuding against the dirt as I run to the infirmary. Tears run down my face as I swing the door open, this time to quick for my sister to close the curtain. Carl lays there, pale but his usual pale and not sickly, his eye is closed, chest rising steadily. He looks better but sick, his side is wrapped up in gauze and medical wrap, his hair messy and blood all over his body but as always he's beautiful no matter what he looks like.