The (Abridged) Absence of Complete Dark

Chapter 5

As Yidarica was remiss to admit, the more she learned, the more she realized there weren't really any reasons for her to strike up a conversation with the glasses-wearing man, who Muiren mentioned was named August, that were related to work. Although they both assumedly worked under the same department, their specific positions didn't seem to touch each other unless it was in very abstract ways. This was fine, but inconvenient because that left her with one option, if she ever wanted to sate her curiosity about this man: she'd have to approach him socially.

There were many layers as to why this was not what she wanted to do.

At the foundation: there was not a single soul in this world that would ever claim that Yidarica Verbestel was a social creature. Beginning conversations with unfamiliar people was a thing she never did; in fact, every friend she currently had was the result of either being introduced by a mutual friend, or of an extrovert finding her interesting enough to take her under their wing.

Furthermore: it was always difficult to tell the appropriate level of casual conversations in the workplace because of how dubiously social workplaces were. Sure, she was cordial enough with Shiori, and she and Muiren were practically on their way to being friends, but that didn't mean this would be the case with everyone. After all, she reminded herself, there was that "walking on thin ice" feeling she always got around Hadiza, and the fact that she couldn't tell if Iris had loved or hated her during their meeting.

Additionally: she had no idea what kind of person August was. Who was to say he would even be open to having a conversation with her? Just because everyone in the Project Garden was kind, didn't mean everyone in the office was. And while Muiren had mentioned that he had been kind to them, that didn't mean he'd be kind to her. She'd lived long enough to know that she wasn't always afforded the same graces as everyone else, for reasons she didn't understand.

I should just do it. I should go up to him one day and talk to him in the cafeteria. He seems too demure to cause a scene.

Then again, this wouldn't be the first time Yidarica misread someone's temperament. There was a nonzero chance that he was not too demure to cause a scene, and that he certainly would yell at her for daring to speak to him.

Yeah, these are very healthy thoughts I'm having here.

Holding her hand up in the air, Yidarica concentrated until the object she was trying to conjure appeared: a transparent board, divided down the middle. "Okay, board. The comparison we're making today is: the pros and cons of speaking to a cute guy at work."

There was a barely audible hum before the title appeared on the board: "Speaking To Cute Gentleman At Work." One side labeled itself, "Pros," and was colored green. The other labeled itself, "Cons," and was colored red.

"Beautiful. Now let's think about this." It was a silly statement to make, given that the board was only semi-sentient and didn't have the capacity for independent thought; Yidarica knew this, but felt more comfortable framing things as if this were a group project. That way, she didn't have to consider the implications that came with the fact that she was talking to herself.

Reasons to, or not to, talk to someone who she had never spoken to before...

Well, there is my track record.

"It's probably a little silly to have my history preclude my potential getting to know someone new, but..." Yidarica sighed. "Humans are creatures of very specific behavioral patterns. All you have to do is study them long enough, and you recognize those patterns. And a pattern that surrounds me, for better or worse, is cute people not being interested in me. Let's put it up, board."