Diary of a lo$er

{008}

Hi,

It has been over a year since the last time I wrote anything here so I thought "I can do it now so let's go... ig"

I don't even really know why I'm writing this in English because the only person ever reading this is my cousin, and even more sad is that as far as I know she's never really on wattpad anymore. I feels weird and honestly cringe to write something out in the open when no one but myself cares.

I don't really want to judge my younger self to harshly because, to be honest, I've basically been depressed since I was Eleven. I don't mean that in like a quirky way or something, I've genuinely hated myself since I was eleven probably even before that.

I am now Fifteen and I'm doing quite a bit better, I still don't really like myself but it's better than constantly wanting to k!ll myself. 

The point I was trying to make is that once upon a time this was a way of dealing with my thoughts and just coping to be honest.

As opposed to last year I feel like I have a goal to live for, I want to become an acheologist.

Having a goal in live has really helped me in wanting to stay alive and sure once I have reached that goal I won't have one anymore but I hope that by then I will not need that to live anymore.

I'm not sure I've me writing in this "book" will become a regular thing again, It could be but that really depends on if I feel motivated and if I even remember that this thing exsists.

Quick little win for me: This year I wore a bikini outside of my bedroom for the first time in years!

I don't think that anyone will read this and that is okay but just in case:

A note to who ever reads this: It will be okay but you need to seek help if you can't do it alone, asking for help doesn't have to be with a profesional unless in goes too far but please to talk with someone you trust. I will probably be here if you need to vent about anything.

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[04-09-2024]