Every Single Thing I Touch || HeartLiming "Moonlight Chicken"

18. Everything I Don't Want

"Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk. Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side, so I don't get hurt. Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me. Because of you, I am afraid"

—Kelly Clarkson, "Because of you"

Liming stood rooted to the spot, his breath catching in his throat as he locked eyes with Heart, the person who had once meant everything to him. The distance between them seemed insurmountable, though it was only a few feet. Liming's insides churned with a mix of emotions so intense that even the simple act of breathing felt like a monumental task. His first love—his only love—was right in front of him, and yet, the familiarity of the moment was tainted by the cold anger simmering in Heart's gaze. The smarmy, sly smile that had once made Liming's heart flutter now looked like a weapon, sharp and dangerous, ready to cut through the defenses Liming had built over the years.

"After eight years, I finally found you," Heart's voice was low, filled with a gravity that made Liming's stomach twist into knots, "and the first name I hear come out of your mouth is 'North.'" Heart's eyes narrowed, his tone biting. "Man, and I thought I was special."

The words hit Liming like a punch to the gut, leaving him momentarily speechless. He could feel Heart's pain, as tangible as if it were his own, but the shock of seeing Heart—standing before him, speaking to him, hearing him—had rendered him mute. And then it dawned on him, like a bolt from the blue. Heart could hear.

"You can hear," Liming managed to say, his voice a breathy, unpolished whisper, laden with disbelief and awe.

"Honestly, right now, I wish I couldn't," Heart replied with a laugh that sounded anything but amused. He turned away from Liming, walking towards the window, his back stiff with the tension that Liming could almost taste in the air.

Liming felt something sharp catch in his throat, and he swore he could taste blood. The love of his life was standing in front of him, and the only name he had uttered was someone else's. The enormity of the situation was suffocating—the fact that Heart was back, that Heart could hear, and that Liming was facing every single one of his nightmares in the very place he was supposed to feel in control. He clung to the back of a chair, his knuckles white with the effort of staying upright.

"I've waited years to hear your voice again," Heart began, turning around to face Liming. He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back against the window sill as if he were the one in control, as if the years of silence had never happened. "I was excited. I was finally hearing you and seeing you."

"I—" Liming stammered, his voice wavering just like his heart (organ—fuck, he felt glad to mention the difference after years!), "I thought you were—that you were North."

"Why?" Heart's voice was sharp, cutting through Liming's fragile defenses.

Liming took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, but all that came out was, "Heart, I'm s—"

"It's a simple question, Liming," Heart interrupted, his tone growing more insistent, more dangerous. "Why? Why did you think I was North? Why did I remind you of your fucking crush?"

There was no honest answer that Liming could give. He couldn't admit that even when he thought it was North, he had wished it was Heart. He couldn't explain that the guilt he felt at being attracted to 'North', especially since it wasn't North he was attracted to. How could he possibly convey the chaos in his mind, the fact that every part of him had been yearning for Heart, when Heart looked like... this?

"What?" Heart's eyes crinkled as he leaned forward, his voice mocking. "Cat got your tongue?"

Fuck no.