Gauri Desai
After disconnecting the call in the middle of the conversation I felt too heavy. So to ease it I went out of the cafe to get some fresh air. The moment I came out I had to rush to the restroom because I was on the verge of breaking down but my gut broke faster than me ......I puked till all the stuff came out.
Then I had water and made myself ORS as Nina was off today.
After settling down I came out to get my own shit together but being the universe's favourite child....again I got saved.
As I saw my light coming towards me ,Sidya.....my love and light.
She is someone who is my human diary, best friend, soul sister , my everything...... simply my everything. the day I met her was the best day of my life and keeping her forever was the best decision I ever made. She is so dear to me as we both have seen each other's most cracked, vulnerable, cranky , moody sides. But also she can read me too well and describe my insides by my outsides.
Which is the only thing I feared right now.
And it's useless to lie to her....when my face gave her the climax with subtitles.
Sidya-" heya! "
"Hii babe!"
Sidya- "so, why wandering out?" And truth please! I am not in the detective mode so drop the truth at once."
"Ahmmmm..... actually....... it's -------"
Sidya- "what, it's....?"
"He called me today again after so long."
I said all of it in one breathe.and my chin wobbled.
Sidya- ohhh! Honey.......come here
She hugged me tightly and patted my back .
I almost broke and cried like hell in her arms.
Sidya- It's okay .....it will be fine .....I am here!
"I know....." I sobbed.
Sidya- will figure it out.....relax honey!
"You know how much time and effort it took to forget that person's existence more than I made for us to end up together......the prior one took most of my time and efforts and was full of hurt and pain.....but I had no option left and latter one was my wish"
Sidya-"I know dear ......how much it costed you .....your mental peace and emotional unavailability were the price .....and your priceless tears! I know it all."
"It was just a call .....but still it brought so many memories which haunts me.
I know I am being dramatic."
Sidya-" no you are absolutely not! You are not being dramatic."
" I don't want him in my life ......never......you know na.....I can't see or face him....he scares me now ....he can't reappear out of blue........I am feeling scared!"
Sidya-" I am here with you .... don't worry!"
"You know na ....I don't lo------"
I hated myself for not being able to complete it
Sidya-"it's ok, you need not complete that sentence!"
"It took so much of my time to detach from him when I wanted to be with me....or him being with me in those moments when no one can comfort me except him but he left no other option for me.....I never wanted to leave him but that's what he wanted ......he wanted me to leave him.
I weeped!
Whereas I always prayed ....pray .....no prayed for us to be together.......I even pray that he may get wisdom to see what I wanted to show him......and peace about the things he can't discuss with anyone. I know it's difficult to let him go....but I did...... because it was for him."
I wiped the tears rolling down.
Sidya-" I know everything! Please don't hurt yourself like this! Please,love!"
"All these years I bottled my emotions and threw that bottle away......but today why that bottle hit me hard without any warning.
You know , he used to be my home, that person who was my personified home.....he held me when I was in stormy nights (metaphor).
But after that betrayal ....or betrayals he can't be called my friend or anything.
He lied to me , he decieved me, he made fun of me, he manipulated me, he played with my feelings......and when I needed him the most .....he never picked up my call .....I called him 1000times he didn't gave a fuck about why I called? He simply asked me is that related to him and when I said no ......he never picked my call.
And always lied that his phone broke.
And after all this shit, I never portrayed him as a bad figure in front of others..... because I don't want him to think that if I can't have him I will spread rumours about which were not rumours either but still I chose to respect him......when he forgot the one....... it's okay if we didn't ended up together......but it's totally awful to spread negativity about him. It's not my thing.
And even today I can't wish anything bad for him or curse him .....cause I fucking lov----------. No no no no no!
I don't, I don't........I don't --------"
I broke on the floor
Sidya- "ohh no! Please honey handle yourself .......I know how it feels .....I am here with you until you are okay."
"Tell me na, I don't love him anymore!! please tell me I don't......I hate------."
Sidya-...........calm down!
"Please bolna .....ab mai nahi........."
(Please say.....now I don't......)
She simply hugged me tight enough.
After that I don't remember anything....as I woke up in her car after my vulnerable breakdown.
It was a quite emotional chapter!:)
Hope you enjoyed!
Stay tuned!:)
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Damsel in Delusion
FantasyA carefree delusional girlie falls for her best friend who was a manipulator and narcissist. But falls for her harder just when she has moved on and win her back at the perfect timing! Her delusions made things work out when she was completely unaw...
