Heartdriven: Too Driven To Drive

25. Still Waters Run Deep

"Good morning."
Sebastian kissed her forehead and stroked the hair from her face. She had been snoozing a bit, thinking he was still asleep, but he had probably done the same with her.
"You're awake?", she could barely open her eyes, but forced them, just to aim her kiss directly on his lips.
"You kept throwing your arm on me the last couple of hours. Kept me from squeezing a bit more sleep out of the morning. "
"What do you mean?"
He took her wrist in his hand, lifted it up and let go, dropping it on his chest, "Like this."
"I'm sorry. I always reach for you when I'm sleeping, and if you are not beside me, I wake up. I guess I kept sleeping since you were there... and then I just kept smacking you," feeling aplogetic, she rubbed and massaged a bit on is chest. "Is your neck feeling better?"
He moved his head around in the pillow he seemingly had taken back during the night after ditching it at first, trying to give his neck a feel, "I was a little distracted by all the smacks," he chuckled, "But it is not that bad anymore. Are your hands still burning?"
"Please, that wasn't anything. I just didn't want to touch you everywhere with the balm, since you are so...", carefully considering her next word, "... delicate."
"Maybe you are just desensitised to it," his hand moved down her waist and took a very firm grip on her buttocks, "You are certainly not delicate."
One kiss hadn't been enough, and she gave him a few more. Morning breath was not going to hold her back, but he didn't even seem to notice. She didn't notice his either. It was lovely to cuddle up next to him while he maintained a determined grip on her backside, distracting her, "You have had a peculiar obsession with it these days."
"The badonkadonk?", he gave it another squeeze.
"Stop calling it that!"
"The more it embarrasses you, the funnier it gets." 
It was also funny for her to banter with him about it... even more so knowing how appreciative he was of her body. And it felt better to lie up against his wellshaped body, than the hard and uncomfortable bed she had been enduring, "I really enjoyed our time here... but I can't wait to go home and sleep in our own bed."
He covered her head with the blanket, blackening her surroundings, "All you think about is sleeping," quckly removing it again and she was met by the shine of his smile, "But yeah, it's nice to disappear for a while. But it is also nice to go back to your regular routine and daily life. "
"About that...", she rolled away and sat up in the bed. A good as time as any, to talk to him about a thing she had felt building inside.
"What? What is it?", he reacted quickly to her hesitation, with a slight worry, attempted to be disguised as curiosity.
The worry was transferred to her, as she tried to think through how she was going to phrase it, "I don't think I am ready to go back to our normal life." The confusion spread on his face as she tried to elaborate, "I feel like I only just came back. And I need a little more stability, instead of running back and forth all the time. I just need to get my head straight."
"Do you want to quit your job?", he reacted so bluntly, it surprised her.
"No! I love my job."
He sat up next to her and reached for her thigh, stroking her comforting, "So you are talking about the jumping in and out thing again?"
"If you want to call it that..."
"You think they will allow it? What was the name of that lady you talked to?", his hand continued up her body and she felt it natural to lean back against him.
"Joanna. She has been very kind and she doesn't make me feel patronised or undervalued. I think she is trying her best to work out a solution that works for both me and the team, and I think, for the moment, this would work the best for me."
He kept stroking her and holding her in his arms, his voice growing softer, "How many races are we talking? How many will you attend and how many will you skip?"
"I'm not sure. Look, I know I only get paid for when I'm there, and it isn't a lot. But I think it would make me happier to have some freedom to choose when I want to—when I can work, so I don't get worn out." It felt good to get all this off her chest... and even more so that he wasn't objecting.
"I'm just... I'm really going to miss you," he kissed the side of her head and held her even tighter, as if he was already saying goodbye. 
"I know, babe. I'll miss you too," she rolled off him and aside, to lie on the bed, looking up to him, "It's only a few weeks and I'll call you every day, and I will follow along on the TV. And if you need me, I'll take the first flight out."
Met with a frown, she stroked his chest like he had stroked her. He grabbed her hand and held onto her, "Then there is another thing we need to talk about, and I need you to be relaxed about it."
"Uhm... okay?", that little sentence giving her slight anxiety.
His pause was followed by a sigh of courage before getting his own thing off his chest. "The money."
"W-what do you mean?", she felt herself move a bit away from her in her confusion... and avoidance.
"You just mentioned yourself, that you are basically paid by commission. And I know how well you take care of yourself when you are alone," ah, sarcasm coming her way, "On top of that, you have been trying to save up for that camera..."
"So?", she knew where this was going but needed him to say the actual word so she could calibrate her reaction.
"I need you to start using my money instead of your own." There it was.
"Sebastian..."
At the slightest movement from her body that she was going to roll off the bed, he held onto her hand and rolled her right back, "I don't mean that you should go crazy and buy Lamborghinis. Just when you are buying food or things for the house, clothes, anything you need and not just a 'want'... anything your pride allows, really. I don't want you to ever worry about money when you have to feed yourself."
"I don't know..."
"I can't leave unless I know you are being well-taken care of." He looked so serious and determined. The worst part was that he was right. She would limit her food supply and calculate her spendings. Always taking care of herself, she worked for everything but now she couldn't do anything.
"I don't like it."
He let her sit with it for a moment, seemingly waiting for her to accept, but every instinct in her body was fighting his generosity.
"Alice... you have been through something horrible—", she couldn't hear the end of it and cut him off immediately, "No! Stop it!", she shrieked and gave her roll away a serious attempt, almost falling off the bed, if he wasn't still holding her hand, "No, you need to hear this!", his voice was raised and she coiled up in the realisation that there was no way out of hearing it, "It has taken a toll on you, and that is something you need time to process and heal from. And it is making it harder for you to work." He could clearly tell she had gone stiff in her stubbornness, and tried to loosen her back up by letting go of her hand and stroking her hair. It was not often he would force some sense in her, but supposed this time she had needed it.
"I... I love my job."
"I know you do, sweetie," feeling his kiss through her hair, his tone had returned to its warm comfort, "But you need help in getting by, so you can focus on healing. And that is what I am here for... to help you. But you need to accept my help. We are married now and you are going to have to get used to me taking care of you. Otherwise I'm not going." And he meant it.
Just on the verge of tears, she managed to hold them in and getting her body back to him, swinging her arm around him and pulling herself close, "I'm sorry. I love you. Thank you." It was all she could say, accepting the care and relying on someone else, and that she was not on her own anymore.
She covered his body in kisses, doing her trademark nibbling all over him, and making him react quite ticklish to her tender touches.
"I see you have... learned a thing or two about using your tongue...", it seemed to be working, judging by his increased breath.
"Maybe it's the France in me waking up, and finally starting to show," doing her best to put her tongue to work. 
A moment's thought and barely a word came out for his reaction, "Huh?"
"Being raised in France, and all."
"What?!", it was almost a mirrored shriek that came out of him, by the break of his voice.
She looked up to his surprised expression, "I've mentioned that before!"
"I thought you were joking, because I made fun of your French!", he was still shrieking and speaking so quickly she could barely make sense of him.
"You thought I could live this long in Switzerland without speaking German or French?"
"I mean, your English is pretty natural...", in fact they only ever spoke English to each other, "... I thought you were Greek."
"Greek?! When have you ever heard me speak Greek?", now she was the one shrieking—borderline shrill. 
"Because of your last name."
"Hecate? That's not my last name, it's my middle name."
The dots were visibly trying to connect in his head, "I thought Cassandra was your middle name. Why is Hecate listed as your last name on your job CV?"
"You looked at my resume? Why?", she could already feel her tone had laid too much on suspicion.
"Eh... It was early on, before we really got to know each other and... and Alonso was waving you about in my face... I needed to know... I needed to know you," hesitant and considerate, of course everything he said made sense. 
"You're right," she moved up and gave him a kiss, "I'm sorry," giving him another, "That was stupid, I thought you had been... mistrusting my qualifications. I'm sorry," a third kiss for good measure. 
He was very welcoming in her affections, and returned a kiss for her. "So, Hecate?"
"I used to say, just make it rhyme with karate. To make it easier for people to pronounce."
"Karate, Hecate. Karate, Hecate," he repeated a few times, eager for approval.
Putting her hand to his cheek, she gave him a few strokes with her thumb, and she could feel his smile in her palm. "You never got it wrong." He did always like getting praise.
"If you didn't get it from Greece, where did you get it from?", he was being awfully curious this early in the morning, but whatever kept him in bed with her.
"It's a... generational family name, but when my mom had to fill out my birth papers, she made a mistake and wrote it as my last name instead of middle name, because she had already written Cassandra... then later, I just started using it with my last name."
The excitement spread on his face when a thought clearly occurred, "You know she was the Goddess of Moons?"
"Really?...", she wondered how long had he been saving that piece of information, "Is that why you called me your moon?"
Moving his head side to side for each word, like he was stating facts, "It's not like I decided to because of it, it just happened because it just makes sense. Was Burton your father's last name, then?"
"Yes."
"Alice Hecate. Alice Burton. Alice Hecate Burton. They all sound good, I get why you couldn't choose," he laid his head back on the pillow with a half smile on his lips.
"I like Alice Vettel." Somehow her hand had rested itself on his chest and began slowly and tickling fondling around him. It really was his fault for laying and looking like a snack. Her snack. Maybe she could just... give his cheek a little taste. She moved up to him and closer, and felt his chest jump a few times. It amused her that she could still get that reaction from him.
He maintained the nervous shakes in his voice, struggling to get through it, "You don't have to..." Clearly, her changing her last name to his, was not a thought that had even crossed his mind.
"I could just add it," giving him a shrug. Another name wouldn't be a bother and after all, she had joined his family. 
"Alice... HBV?"
"HBV?...", it took a moment for the unfortunate acronym to make sense to her, "Why would you say that! Now I can't do it!", with a shove, she pushed herself off his chest.
His breath followed her as he held back a chuckle, "Heh-come on, no one would notice. But I wouldn't want you to change your name," as she laid jokingly with her arms crossing her chest, he gave her forearm a few strokes, "I know how much the memories of your parents mean to you."
"Thank you. I'll think about it... think of something," she took his hand and kissed it holding, it in her arms and rolled back to him. Getting comfortable against him. He always knew how dramatic her physical reactions were compared to his own. 
For a moment she thought she could trick him into snoozing a bit more with her, but he couldn't stop talking, "I'm sorry I made fun of you French, Alice, I really thought you were joking."
"Is it that bad?", worried what her voice sounded like to other people. Particularly the French-speaking.
"Honestly, my French is so bad I can't tell."
"Now that's a lie." In fact, he spoke more languages than she even knew.
"I can't believe I had to marry you, to find out you weren't Greek. Cassandra Hecate, how could I go wrong?, suggesting with a phony frustration.
She freed herself yet again from his arms, sitting up beside him, continuing the phony talk, "You just wanted me because you thought I had Greek ancestry?"
"Absolutely!...", giving her an encouraged smile with banter before pulling it back, "No, I actually hadn't given it much thought before. I mean, your accent is... different. But I guess that's just the French mixed with British?"
"I think the Greek names comes from somewhere along the line of my mom's family, but I actually don't know if it is ancestry or I just had a great-great-grandparent who liked the names. I don't have my family tree," trying to think of anything he would ask her next, her sentences spiralling to answering questions he hadn't asked yet.
"Your aunt never gave you anything or told you anything?" Even though she had talked about her relationship with her aunt before, he always seemed surprised by how cold it had felt to her.
"No."
Still trying to make sense of it... or her, his big eyes filled up with compassion aimed at her, "All this time, I thought there were things you didn't share with me because you didn't want to talk about it. But you really don't know, do you?"
She found it harder to maintain his contact, the eye contact to him, as they got closer to these sensitive topics, "There are things I don't want to talk about, because it hurts. Like my parents. But you know I will tell you anything you want to know." And that was more important to her than the discomfort of talking about it, sharing it with him.
"Yeah. I know."
"I just don't know what you want to know, if you don't ask," her rather frigid approach to opening up, sometimes it felt easier if he just handed her a form to fill out.
"Alright," his fingers tapped across her back and the sunshine came back in his tone, "From Britain to France, how did you end up in Switzerland?"
That quick change from him, made her comfortable enough to return his contact, forcefully trying to mirror it in avoidance of thinking too much. "My mom and dad were English, but we moved to France because of my dad's job. So I was learning French as I was growing up... but not quite getting the hang of it."
"What did your father do?"
"He was an... uhm... accountant, yes," the word had almost escaped her, after never talking about it with anyone. 
"You certainly didn't inherit that."
"Behave." She much preferred the banters than the heart-to-hearts... as more often than not, her heart was the one being examined.
"And then?"
"You know what happened...", she almost fell mute at the memory of her parents' deaths, "... and then my aunt took me back to England and I almost lost my French, but we moved to Switzerland because of her boyfriend."
That pecurious look re-appeared on his face, "This was the boyfriend she abandoned you for?"
"Yes...", her voice choked, ... "Yes."
"How long have we been talking seriously now, and you have only tried to run away once. It makes me... happy when you talk to me about these things."
Even if her emotions had begun at the memory of her family, the tears she could feel approaching felt warmer, from the love she shared with him. "I love you."
"It also makes me happy when you tell me you love me. Because I remember you didn't even want to say it. And now you say it all the time." He looked so proud, like she had just aced a test he had been prepping her for. It made her feel like she had achieved something. Where was her trophy? Oh right, beside her.
Surely he recognised the look in her eyes as her hand slid across his chest and felt the prickling of the curls, "Wanna fool around?"
"Why are you always horny?", that joking annoyance was too vague compared to his intrigue.
She leaned down to him and made sure to press her breasts against him, "Am I wearing you out?"
"We have had a lot of sex... so much sex...", seemingly going through it all in his head.
"So much sex...", she repeated in the most temptuous voice she could muster.
"We could also go for a run, and burn off some energy that way?", trying to convince her with an upbeat suggestion. 
He was fighting a bit too hard to get in the mood she had quickly appeared in, but he was too soft all over for her hand to stop touching him. "You are always running. This is the only exercise I like."
"Boring. When we get home, you have to try some of my equipment," he poked at her wobbly spaghetti arm.
She targeted him with the frown and suspicion of her brows, "Why are you trying to build some muscle in me?"
"Because the only muscles you have, are from carrying your camera around."
"I think you are just bored with me. Maybe you should call Kimi when we get home, invite him over for a playdate or something," trying her best to get out of exercising, she did like hanging around Kimi. He wasn't... demanding. "Or what about biking?"
He nodded in agreement, "Sure, we can get you a bike."
"No-hh. No. Actually, I was thinking it would be something for you to blow off your energy on... I don't think I need to get rid of the little energy I do have."
His eyes moved focused from her eyes and downward her body, "And the little sparks you get during the day, are used on fucking," his finger gliding up her thigh, "But you could use a bike to go back and forth from the town to get groceries, when I'm not home to drive you or get you things. That way you don't have to walk all the way."
"I don't mind walking...", trying not to remind him of her complaints during their hiking, she had walked her fair share over time, not having a car or even a license.
"We could get you a little basket so you don't have to carry everything. With some sunflowers on the rim," he was trying to get her excited about the idea. Maybe his cute enthusiam was rubbing off on her. 
"Yeah, maybe. Okay. I'll think about that, too."
"But don't just pawn me off on Kimi. I want to hang out with you... we have so much catching up to do... maybe if you do that for me, I'll do something for you...", now he was bargaining, but it did intrigue her.
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
He dug his head to her neck, forcing her head backwards. So it was on that. His hand following down her backside and moving around until it found its way to her buttock, giving it a proper grab, before lifting her thigh over his waist. He was very clearly in control with his intentions, and she just gave into it, letting the grip of his hand push her hip against him until she moved along with him.
"You like that?", as he keep nuzzling on her neck.
"Mmh." Quite a bit, in fact.
"Lie back and let me worship you, my goddess."
She snapped out of it, as those words coming out of his mouth, "Oh my God," with a giggle.
"Yes." Letting go of her just as he had got her worked up, he crawled down her body with a mischievous grin. He pulled her with him, and towards him, by her legs and ran his tongue up her thighs. Oh, so it was really on that. She was just as much ready as he was, and he got to work, letting his mouth do something other than talking.
But it wasn't enough to fulfil his hunger, as he let his fingers join the fun, finding their ways inside her, met by her moans. She felt like a boat capsizing into his waves, and he knew just what to do with them, making her roll sideways with her legs tight around him, holding him into position and restraining herself from choking him with her thighs. It was not only her demanding him to stay in position, his other hand held her down by her buttocks to stop her from writhing around. He seemed very determined to continue tickling the spots that made her lose control, surely he could tell what spell he had her under, by that grasp she had on the pillow, flailing around, she put her hand on his between her legs, digging her nails into him.
"Do you want me to stop?", he moved slightly up her body, kissing the lower and quite sensitive part of her stomach that had been moving along with him.
"If you stop, I'll kick you off the bed."
He chuckled and went back down, rolling her back around so his tongue could get another taste of her. Was he not soon fulfilled? She couldn't contain anymore, as he touched her inside and out.
Still kissing her inner thighs as she regained her breath, he let her lie in the moment for a bit, before coming back to her. Even with her eyes closed, she could feel him looking at her. She wasn't falling asleep, she was just satisfied. And yet, he kept touching around her body. Not sleepy, but relaxed in his care, feeling his breath on her skin, slower than her own. "Where did you learn to do that?"
"Research."
She raised herself on her elbows and turned to him, "You read how to... do that?"
"Yes," looking proud of his achievement. She fell forward against him, with a shake of her head and pressing her forehead against his chest. "What?"
"You are such a nerd," whispering to him, as she kissed him back up his neck. Her cheeks still felt warm from what he had been doing to her.
"You liked it though... didn't you?"
Asking a stupid question like that, as if he hadn't almost killed her through pleasure. She couldn't help but chuckle, "Yes, I liked it. And I love you. Do you wanna...?", suggestively moving her hand down his chest.
"If we continue, we'll be here all day, and I promised my sister we would get the keys back to her before dinner."
She took the disappointment in his voice as a good sign that his sex drive hadn't disappeared from her again, and matched his tone with a sigh. "Can we just lie here for a few more minutes then?"
"Sure." He opened his arms for her and she cuddled into him. She was going to squeeze every minute out of this that she could. As much as his hands were stroking her skin, he didn't seem to keen get out of bed just yet. "It's going to be weird to see you with clothes on again."
"Ha-ha," mockingly. "I did like that I could just jump you whenever I wanted to, instead of being on my best behaviour in public."
"That was your best behaviour?", he was judging her sex drive, just because she wanted him every time they had been alone? And here they were alone all the time... how was she supposed to hold back? At least she felt satisfied by how much they had... gotten done. It would make up for a whole month. She would need those memories when she was alone and he was off to the races. Not trying to change her mind about her decision, but she was going to miss him. And the paddock.
"Do you still remember the first time?", he broke her thought process with a question she never would have guessed coming.
"Wha--of course."
"Did it... did I hurt you?", he had much hesitation, it sounded like a question that had worried him for long.
"A little." She didn't want to lie to ease his concern, such a special moment for them was best shared with the truth.
"I'm sorry."
He was so sweet, and the little amount of pain she had felt, was the last thing she remembered from her first time. "No, it's okay. I knew it was probably going to have some pain... but I was lucky to be with someone who knew what they were doing. There was more pleasure than pain."
"What did it feel like?"
"Hmm... uncomfortable."
"Uncomfortable?", making him sound uncomfortable.
Now she was feeling guilty, but he did ask, "Maybe that's not the right word... overwhelming?", feeling her way forward in choosing the correct words, "All this discussion about it, but it never fully prepares you for what it will feel like... to be that bare and naked with another person, to give yourself that fully to them, to succumb to pleasure. It was intense and overwhelming."
"Do you think it felt different because you waited longer? More anticipation..."
"I don't know. I'm not sure. I think it felt different, because you took very good care me and made sure it was pleasurable for me." She knew she had made the right choice, when she chose him to be the one... not knowing just how well, that he would be the only one forever. "How was your first time?"
"Quick, heh."
"Oh, stop it," nudging her head backwards against him.
"My first time with you however...", she could hear his smile, "I was so nervous."
"You were nervous?"
"Yeah," he sounded so obvious, "I have told you many times how strongly I felt about you from the beginning. So yes, I was nervous. I didn't want to let you down."
Well, now she had to roll around from her comfortable position to give him a kiss. "You are too sweet. And you didn't."
"I remember, you were so angry when you found out who I was," he kept that grin on his face.
"I don't like people keeping things from me."
He touched the frown between her brows, which she didn't realise she had directed him with, "So I have figured."
"You were being so mysterious! I think you liked playing games with me," a particular memory popping up was when he had approached her at a restaurant she went to with Fernando, and he had tried to use her attraction for him, to make her make a move. She had really wanted to kiss him. Oh, he knew that, and it probably hadn't helped him stop pursuing her.
"And then I thought I had blown my one chance..."
"Yet, I kept coming back. Over and over. Guess I couldn't stay away from you either," she gave his little nose a boop, making him cross his eyes at her.
She had tried clearing his conscience, but he kept wanting validation, "Are you still angry with me for it?"
"No. Of course not. I was, then. Because I thought that you had been using me, that you just wanted to have sex with me... and that I had just lost my virginity only to find out you weren't who I thought you were. So yes, in the moment, I was very angry with you, thinking you had just used me for sex," it wasn't one of her finest moments, maybe she had reacted rather rashly about it, but she was hurt, and it wasn't fun reminiscing about either.
"I did want to have sex with you," his smirk was back and instantly making her feel better, "And I still don't understand how you were still a virgin."
Not being able to hold a shrill sound from coming out of her mouth, "Why?"
"Because you are so beautiful...", his eyes travelled down her body, "... and sexy."
It became one of those times where his admiration for her made her feel shy, "I never felt beautiful or sexy until you looked at me," and he was the only one who truly made her feel that way.
"I just find it hard to believe that any man who saw you, didn't immediately want you. Like I did."
"Your first thought when you saw me, was 'I want to hit that'?", she kept a bit of snark in her remark, but the idea made her try hard to hold in a cackle.
His eyes went big with a repeated nod, "Absolutely." He was receiving a lot of kisses this morning and just got another. She stroked him across his cheek, where her lips had left a little wet mark, and he continued his questioning, "Have you ever... thought about sex with someone else?"
"Yes."
He had cornered her into telling the truths, and she wasn't about to stop now, but he looked surprised by the revelation, "What?!"
"Not during! Just... on a very rare occassion!! it will pop into your mind, and you're like, 'huh, where did that come from'." Was she really telling him this? She could feel the embarrassment in her cheeks.
He was getting some enjoyment out of this, that she had not expected, "Come on, now you have to tell me who!", giving her a little encouraging shove with his shoulder.
"No!", she rolled away from him again, "It's embarrassing!"
Keeping his arms around her waist, she wasn't going anyway, and he gave her a little tighter squeeze, making her involuntarily release a giggle. That just enticed his curiousity, "Why? Is it someone is know?", he was just full-on tickling her belly now.
"Maaaybe...", barely escaping through the giggles, "Don't make me pee!"
"It's Jenson, isn't it?", he finally stopped the torturing, and she could relax, turning back to him, looking like a detective that had cracked a case.
She covered her face with her hands, the embarrassment had yet to stop, "How did you know that?"
"You might as well have a signal on your forehead that flashes red whenever he is around!", he sounded quite amused but it would be a lie if she said she hadn't noticed Sebastian's behaviour was different when she was around Jenson. She just assumed it was jealousy tingling in. But maybe he was just reading her. And she was starting to have so much confidence in their relationship that no amount of honesty seemed to stir him.
"It's difficult not to get flustered around such a good looking man," lifting her hands back up in search of agreement.
"He's not that good looking...", he noticed the look she was sending him and dropped the act, "Alright, he is very handsome. But you are not flustered around me?", he sat up against the head of the bed and crossed his arms with a little frown and a pout.
She had to claim her territory of him, "Because you are my man. It's a perk that I get to look at you all the time and get to take you for granted, because you are stuck with me," poking at him to get her point across. If only he knew the things she was thinking when she looked at him. 
"You changed your tune quickly. Maybe I should force you to spend more of my money." She had fought it so hard, and he was already making jokes about it.
"Kind of hard to say no to someone who does research on how to pleasure you," actually she was quite charmed by it. 
"I should have known that a couple of years ago."
"Ha-ha," returning to the mocking laugh she had accustomed him to. "How do you know?... If you are doing it right?"
Now he was the one looking surprised by her questioning, "What? Sex?"
"Yeah, I mean...", she didn't know where her thought was going, luckily he interrupted her, "We are married, Alice! And you are just now wondering if you are good at sex?"
She felt dumb for the thoughts in her head, "I don't know! I just do what I feel like in the moment..."
There was a slight suggestion in his tone as the side of his mouth snickered upwards, "I have noticed. But there is nothing wrong with your sexual instincts."
"My 'sexual instincts'?", oh, she needed an elaboration on that one. Clearly he had more thoughts hiding than herself. 
"You are communicating your desires to me with your body, and that is a language I can understand," he did make the silliest things from her side sound poetic. Even looking so serious while he said it.
She leaned over to his shoulder and took his hand to braid her fingers with his, or just having a bit to pick her fingers at, "So you don't mind that I don't do research?"
"You are streetsmart, I'm booksmart," owning the nerd-badge she had labelled him with.
"I'm not streetsmart,"... or any kind of smart, but she kept that self deprecating thought inside.
He let air out in a hidden chuckle, "True. But neither am I. You know, I'm not as experienced as you keep suggesting, Alice. Just because I wasn't a virgin, it doesn't mean I was a playboy before you."
"Oh really? But you do give off such a strong 'playboy vibe'," laughing at her own comment, he seemed a little amused by it too. "You learned all you moves from your 'research'? Books? Internet?... Porn?"
"And y-you go by-by your instinct," that porn remark seemed to have caught him off guard with a little stuttering covering it up. What kind of porn had he been watching, to get nervous by her touching on the subject? He tried casually moving on, but she kept a note of that in the back of her head, "And your instincts make a guy nearly cum without touching his cock. I dare say you are doing a tremendous job. I must admit, I have often thought of that memory when I have been alone..."
That was one way to distract her, as the words nearly made her roll off the bed, "Wait. WHAT?"
"You remember... In Monaco when you... you know... fucked my leg."
She could feel the red hot embarrassment running back up her cheeks, as she tried to hide her scolding face from him, "Jesus Christ! Don't say that... don't! No!"
He was starting to sound quite satisfied with himself, "You were so sexy, rubbing yourself against me. I could never forget that. Nothing I could ever do to you, could replicate that moment. But you... Alice, I would let you do anything to me."
Moving one finger from her face, she was able to just peek out at him, "You're never going to let me forget that, are you?"
"Never."
She sat up next to him at the head of the bed and mirrored his seating position with her arms across her chest, "Alright, but then you have to tell me about your experiences."
"Well," he leaned back comfortably with his arms over his head, "My first girlfriend, we got together when we were teenagers. We stayed together for years, but with all the travelling that started coming with F1 and the work getting more intense with Red Bull, we were growing in opposite directions. And when she... when she realised she never wanted children, we agreed it was best to go our separate ways," he sounded hesitant to bring up that part of their relationship to Alice.
"Do you miss her?"
"I did. But not anymore."
She moved close enough to give him a kiss on the cheek.
"My second girlfriend, I went to a bar and picked up this weird girl. But we didn't actually have sex, and I didn't even get her name. I was miserable and couldn't stop thinking about her. Until one day, as luck would have it, she showed up in the paddock, and I did everything I could, to win her over," he was quite focused in telling his story, beat for beat, but it confused her.
"Are you making fun of me?"
He moved towards her, seemingly to return the kiss, but she moved back and away from him.
Still trying to make the conclusions, it wasn't adding up to her, "Are you joking?"
"About what? What's the matter?", he looked as confused as his story had just made her.
"You have only been with two women?"
"You have been with one man."
She was starting to malfunction, "But you never... why did you never..."
His smirk was trying to pick her jaw up from the floor, "... have sex with anyone else?"
"... tell me!", her shrieking sound returned to correct him.
"We hadn't been broken up that long when I met you, and I didn't want to talk about my ex-girlfriend while I was trying to woo you."
She grabbed the blanket and in a quick jump, was off the bed, shyly covering her naked body up with the blanket, "What do you mean? Was I your rebound? How long had you been broken up?"
"Only a year."
"A year? A year? You were worried about your ex-girlfriend after a whole year of being apart?", her arm was probably doing the biggest talking with her reach moving widely around to make sense of him.
His voice was starting to match hers in pitch, but rather his was high from being seemingly baffled by her reaction, "We were together for a long time. Why is this a big deal to you?"
"It's not... it's not the fact itself. It's actually kind of sweet and endearing... but it's that you didn't tell me about it." It didn't even feel like it was something he had deliberately tried to hide from her, just that he had felt it irrelevant to bring up. Like there were two labels, 'virgin' and 'not virgin'. But it was more grey to her. 
"I have mentioned my ex-girlfriend before. Why does this matter to you?", he looked so confused, like he genuinely didn't understand why omitting this from her was upsetting. 
"It doesn't matter. It doesn't. I never asked," she felt her body language opposite to her words, by the subconscious steps back from him still sat on the bed, "But I thought you would have told me, if this was the case... and now I'm just thinking... The first time... the very first time, when we met, and you didn't want to have sex with me because you found out I was a virgin. Had you thought... had you expected that when you 'hooked up' with me, that I would be the one to share my experience with you?"
"When you put it like that...", he finally got the dumb expression off his face.
She felt having to rethink their whole first encounter in a different light, "And then you stumbled on me, while you were being all confident and in control, and you swept me away."
He switched to the side of the bed, sitting with his hand reaching for her, "You are correct about me feeling confident. You seemed quite... infatuated with me, when I put all the nerves aside, and it became easier for me to find my confidence." She wasn't giving him her hand and he grabbed the blanket she was covering herself with. Not pulling her back to him... more feeling like he didn't want to let her get away.
"So you weren't always that confident, picking up girls in bars?", in fact his confidence had made her relax in his presence.
"Well, no. Since you were the first one I 'picked up', I was so attracted to you, it felt like the confidence just came out on its own, to impress you. It was desperation, really," and she was beginning to feel a bit of that desperation pulling at the blanket... she wanted to give in and go to him, but needed some clarity first.
She gave out a sigh in frustration, "You are not making sense. I made you feel confident and nervous?"
"You always make me feel confident and nervous. Because I feel like myself around you, but at the same time I can't help but also feel like, 'wow, this beautiful girl is with me', me!" Oh no. It was happening. He had charmed his way out of this one.
Finally giving in, she just leaned... bent forward and rested her forehead against his shoulder, "I love you. Even when you say stupid things like that."
"Why is that stupid?", he let go of the blanket and began comforting stroking her hair.
She dug her face deeper into his shoulder, "Because you are so sweet. And kind. And wonderful. And you say these kind of things that make my knees all wobbly, and I don't know how to return the affection."
He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back up, holding her quite tightly, "You don't need to say or do anything in return, I say these things because I love you. It's not an exchange, it's just love, Alice." He needed to tell her that over and over, as she never felt she was doing enough to replicate the emotions. She sat down next to him and he put his arm over her shoulder, "Although, if you do try something later when we get home, I'm not going to fight you on it."
She leaned against him, wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him extra close, "You are wonderful. I'm sorry I called you stupid."
"I am stupid. And I should have told you. I'm sorry," at least he was sincere. It made her feel like she had overreacted.
"Thank you."
He kissed the side of her head. "Now, tell me about your experiences... or close calls at least."
Slithering under his arm like a snake, she fell back on the bed with a groan, "It's so embarrassing!"
"Alice. You are naked right now. How could it possibly embarrass you to talk about?", he was rubbing her belly with his warm hand and making some good points.
She crawled off the bed and grabbed the nearest shirt to cover herself up. "Why are you never embarrassed? You only like embarrassing me."
He chuckled as he looked her up and down, "So I shouldn't tell you, that you are wearing my shirt?"
She pulled out the shirt and looked down herself with a sigh, spinning around to look over the room, "Where is my shirt?"
"I don't know, you were naked when you came in here last night—no, leave it on! It's sexy," he was waving his arms about to stop her from stripping back.
"Sexier than naked?"
"Different sexy! I like that... I like that I can see the shape of your breasts," he rounded his palms suggestively in front of his own chest. 
She lifted the shirt up, flashing herself to him, "Look out, boobs!"
He let out a satisfying laugh and grabbed her hand to pull her back with him on the bed, and she rolled to the head and away from him. He laid down and looked up to her, "Tell me now. Pretty please," with his irresistble big eyes.
She took a deep breath to start her off, "Alright. I was 16... I think. There was one of the boys at the youth center who started paying attention to me, and when we hung out alone, I could kind of tell where it was going. And as we got closer... you know, physically... I told him that I wouldn't have sex with him without protection, so he went to buy some condoms, but when he came back, he was stopped by one of the counselors who confiscated them, because no one were allowed to have sex at the center."
"Really?", he was slightly amused by suprise.
"Yeah. I mean, people still did it and never got caught. And others did... I don't know what kind of trouble he got into, he never spoke to me again. But he also hadn't told them that it was me who had gotten him to buy the condoms. So I didn't get into trouble."
The little confused frown returned between his brows, "Would they rather you were unprotected?"
"Abstinence. Total abstinence," gesturing cutting across the air with her hand, and he grabbed her wrist just before she reached him and gave it a few shakes.
"That doesn't seem like a good idea," an idea that didn't seem to be working for him either, as he had forgotten turning down her earlier advances and began kissing her hand. 
"And it didn't work either, they just had sex elsewhere... those who wanted to. So... not me. Heh. Stop that. Stop it, if you want to hear the rest of it," resisting him and pulling her hand back to herself. 
His eyes followed her hand back up to her face with interest, "There were other times after?"
"Not at the center, no. But when I turned 18, One of the counselors wanted to take me out for a birthday dinner. Turning 18 of course meant I aged out and had to leave, so it was a traditional goodbye dinner, of sorts."
"Did you go?"
Continuing her story, it became difficult to share previously unspoken details with him, of being intimate with someone else, "Sort of. He had to pick up some stuff at his house before we could go to dinner, and he invited me in. We started kissing on the couch, and he asked me if I had ever been with a man before. That was a no, of course. But when he got on top of me and touched my breasts, and I could feel him between my legs... I chickened out and said I had to pee. And then I said that I would wait in the car. He drove me back to the center and that was about it."
His closed brows drooped over his eyes, "Did you report him?"
"Report him? What do you mean?"
"How old was he?", the change of his tone had rather suddenly became serious and she didn't like it—its meaning scared her.
"I don't know...", her voice was almost shaking from looking at the anger in his eyes, "30... 30–something... I don't know."
He gave her a sigh and the confusion continued, "Alice. You just turned 18 and one of the adult, male counselors brought you back to his house to have sex with you?"
"It wasn't like that... it was...", the words came to slowly and he interrupted her, "That is how you told it. What was it like then? How long had you known him before?", he was going so quickly, she couldn't keep up.
It was almost just stutters coming out her mouth, "I don't know, I don't remember... he had always just been there..."
The glass on the bedside table flew across the room and smashed against the wall, as his fist was clenched and he sat heavily breathing. The startle and shock threw her down on the bed and curled her up with her hands and arms covering her head, "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!", unsure if the words even were released or it was just screams.
"Oh Alice, I'm sorry," he touched her shoulder, "I'm sorry." He felt hesitant about getting closer to her, "I didn't mean to scare you. I just... needed to destroy something."
She could feel herself shaking as he let his hand go off her. He knew it was too big of an explosion for her to handle, but she didn't want him to leave and rolled back to him, holding his leg in her embrace, cuddled up around his thigh, "Why are you angry with me...", she grabbed tighter and tighter, not wanting to let him go.
He leaned over her, kissed the top of her head and she released the tension a bit. He stroked her cheek comforting, or maybe he was wiping away her tears. "I am not angry at you, sweetie. Please don't think that. I am not angry at you, I am angry at him. You were a kid under his protection and he tried to take advantage of you. I am angry at them for allowing him to come near you. I am angry at everyone who didn't help you and everything that has ever happened to you. You didn't deserve any of it. You deserved to be protected." Maybe he was the one she had felt shaking in anger, rather than herself.
"It wasn't... it wasn't that bad...", she had gotten control back and sat up and held his face in her hands. He was warm and his cheeks were red. The fire had disappeared in his eyes but the breath was still rapid. She kissed his lips, just for a moment.
"You only say it wasn't bad because you don't know of anything else, you don't know better. You deserve so much more and I am so angry that there weren't anyone to take care of you. And all I can do is throw a fucking glass of water," he shook his head and turned away from her. He sat for a moment and got up from the bed, putting his underwear on before beginning to collect the broken pieces of glass. He didn't say it, but he seemed angry at himself too, for displaying his emotions with violence. She never got to see him like that, only recalling his fury when Fernando had called her a whore for being with Sebastian.
It wasn't even a memory she had thought of the way he had written it out to her, and now it had changed the whole perspective of how she looked back an uncomfortable memory to something more sinister. She didn't want to think about it more, she was concerned about Sebastian. "I didn't mean to upset you."
"I know. Sweetie. I know." Emphasising a bit too much on the 'sweetie', perhaps he thought she was still the one that needed calming down. He was so focused on those pieces of glass. It wasn't scaring her, but she was scared for him if he kept clenching his jaw like that while picking them up. She went to the closet and got a broom to help him. But he didn't want her help, taking the broom out of her hands. Clearly he wanted to clean up his mess on his own. Fine, let him.
She took some of his sweatpants from a chair and put them on and went to the kitchen for a bag. She could just leave it beside him.
She looked quickly over the rest of the cabin, it really was all set for them to leave. They had done the cleaning and packing, just a few things here and there. She took their phones from the suitcase and put them in the chargers so they were ready for when they where going home. She imagined Sebastian had a lot of catching up to, especially after the phonecall from Britta that he had blown off earlier in the week.
As she returned to the bedroom, he wasn't quite as red anymore and accepted the bag from her hand. "I hope you know how sorry I am, Alice."
She sat back on the bed and crossed her arms, "Yes, you said that."
"I didn't mean to scare you, I didn't mean to blow up like that." He had gotten the glass all cleaned up and put the bag by the door, looking at it for a moment, embarrassed. "You just tell me these things like it's nothing, but every time it's absurd what you had to go through," he went to her and kneeled down in front of her, taking her hands in his, "Every single thing. Like those round wormy scars on your arm. Don't think I didn't notice them and want to know what happened. Were you in a fire? But you never tell me and when you do, it's in such a manner that I get all the anger you should have felt."
The scars were at the back of her arm. She never thought of them, it wasn't a place visible for her. "One of the older girls cut me with a cheese grater." Covering the scars with her hand, she was still able to feel the bumps a bit, but it was far less visible than it had been before. After the stitches, it was just some swirly lines, previously even being mistaken for tattoos.
He shook his head with a smile, looking in disbelief, "Fuck's sake, Alice. Were you raised in a prison? Why the fuck would she do that to you?"
"She thought I stole her bra from the washing machine, but it was fine, she got transferred to another center after," she let go of the scar and waved her hand for a topic change.
"You are doing it again! 'It was fine'," mocking her tone of voice, "No, it was not fucking fine! I'm tempted to pick up that bag with that glass and throw it again! I'm starting to understand how you were able to keep William from me for so many months."
"Shut up."
That got his attention and he looked back up with surprise, making her feel bad. Even if he had snapped with throwing a glass, snapping at him felt worse.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she covered her face, shaking her head. She wasn't sad about it, but now she felt his anger inside herself, at herself.
"No, I'm sorry, I should not have said that," he pulled the hands off her face, holding her wrists quite tightly in his hands, "Don't you ever be sorry about any of this. You didn't do anything wrong. You never did anything wrong. You shouldn't have had to put up with this... you have become too accepting of bad things happening to you."
She ripped her wrists loose and threw herself back on the bed, "But what else am I supposed to do? I don't want to just be the bad things that have happened to me, I can't succumb to the darkness!"
"Talk to me! Just talk to me! That is what I am here for. Alice, my love," he laid back on the bed next to her, "We share our lives together now. You are my other half."
"Some things I don't like to talk about," she almost when mute, trying to hold back the thoughts she didn't want to talk about. 
He was stroking her cheek again, just gently letting his thumb trace across her skin. At least he had calmed down again and his breath returned to normal. "I know. But if I ask you, will you tell me? Will you talk to me?"
"Yes. Yes. Everything. Every time."
His smile kind of made the whole thing worth it, as he leaned over and kissed her. She grabbed around him and pulled him close, not wanting to let go and kept kissing him. And he wasn't able to stop himself from what he had resisted earlier, and they enjoyed each other, one last time before concluding their honeymoon.