Lower- Ed novel

4. Midnight

Days went by, as I avoided both Leo and Maggie. Leo because i didn't want him to see me, we only had English class together so it made it easier to avoid him, and Maggie because I was embarrassed of how fat I still was, even if I knew somewhere deeply in my heart that she didn't do anything wrong.

Leo and his friend Jacob, who both were new to the school joined the basketball team right away and were the hot topic of all the girls.

I began to just have an apple or some fruit for breakfast instead of the healthy bites cereal that mom gets for me and my little brother JJ, and I cut lunch completely.
Some days I could go without dinner and somedays I had to if my father was at the house. He viewed anyone who rejected family meals as ungrateful for the blessing on the table.
It's the second week since that accident at the cafeteria, and the more time that went by, I only felt fatter and fatter even if the scale was somewhat decreasing in numbers.

I get by the first two classes tired, then I had English class, which meant I would see Leo, i haven't gotten to the past two classes of English because I would feel like crying whenever I see him, however today I decided to take the class.

I get in and noticed they changed the desk rows a little bit. They had changed my spot to the second row instead of third but thankfully still next to the window. I go in, and people still stare at me, I felt so anxious and insecure, but I tried my best to just ignore the judging stares.
I spot Leo behind me in desks, third row but not next to the window.
He was talking to the boys of the team, and the cheerleaders were flirting with them and so on. He was wearing a black cap hat and I couldn't see his expressions that much, only his smile if he smiled, but I felt his gaze towards me when I sat down.

" Good morning class" Says Mrs. Lopez.
" Today we'll be discussing the origin of languages.." and so she finishes her topic. I just wasn't feeling it, English. I barely could focus with the new starvation thing and I was getting a little dizzy so I put my head on the window and just shut my eyes, making me accidentally fall asleep.

I woke up to the bell ringing, and as I was going out I heard the students talking about a group essay that we had to deliver on Friday. Today was Monday.
I don't remember anything about an essay, nor a group one. So I asked a girl politely what they were talking about,
" Leo put you in his group and it's not even good enough for you? What a pick me" She said rolling her eyes.
I didn't understand. Her friend jumped in saying" besides you shouldn't have let him carry you out the cafeteria like that, it only makes 'Slut' fit you even more"
I was confused, I was a slut?? I mean I occasionally wore short things, and he did carry me that day.. but..

I had two options, ask Leo what's going on, or Mrs. Lopez. I chose Mrs Lopez of course. She told me that everyone had a group essay that had to be delivered about the aim of life and some bullshit, and that no one wanted me in their group, so Leonardo added you to his, alongside Lily and Jacob.
I thanked Mrs Lopez and went straight to the bathroom feeling confusedand somewhat annoyed thst he picked me, i was avoiding you man.
I was so hungry and tired and thinking about this whole Leo essay made my head spin even more, I just took out my big water bottle and guzzled the whole thing. I even ran out of breath drinking it so fast. I sit down on the floor thinking about what I'm going to do about this essay. I remember suddenly that i still haven't deleted the pic from my phone. I look at the girl in the phone, deleting the picture as I said "goodbye."

School was ending and everyone was putting their books in their lockers and all, I wasn't done, I want to go the library today and confront Maggie, before I go to my night shift at the Cafe.

Jacob, who seems to be Leo's closest friend here, came up to me to remind me to be at his house on Thursday to do the project. I nodded then went to the library where Maggie was sitting. I look at her and she quickly got up and gave me a hug. " I came here everyday, I took down every poster, I missed you so much Winter" She says. I tell her" I'm so sorry Maggie... you didn't deserve what I did to you ,I should've believed you, I know you're a good friend."

I decided to tell her about the English project, and she was smiling all along, " What?" I chuckle, " you know he carried you in front of the whole school? She says, I laugh "well yea, I was the one being carried". " idk, maybe he likes you" She adds. My laugh slowly drops as I replay" Nah no, I don't think so", knowing for sure he doesn't after our history back then.

"Well, you should totally go to Jacob's house, It's an important grade and we need the marks so we can get into our dream careers" She tells me, knowing I was unsure if I should go. I mean What if it's just some prank? I think.
Maggie continues "I wish Jacob picked me in his group, OH I would melt, Winter! You need to tell me EVERYTHING about how the project goes, anything about Jacob".
" Why, do you like him?" I smile at her waiting for a replay but all I got was her red cheeks and a nervous uh- No why would I hah..".
" Jacob is only on the basketball team, and the son of my father's friend" she noted, I look at her still smiling, with a little heart break in me, I knew I could never get into a relationship for I was so filled with flaws, and she was beautifuly perfect. I knew no one could love me or would try, so I didn't try either.

I go to work and see Dae-hyun serving some customers. Dae- hyun was korean- American and a college student that worked with me at the Cafe I applied to. I believe he's 20 or 21. I go in the shop and say good afternoon to everyone. He replies "good afternoon winter.." with a little frown on his face.
I change into my uniform and begin serving. I felt dizzy alot and really drained today, everytime i was about to trip or hit my head, Dae-hyun would help me out kindly, I just focused on finishing the day so I could go home, see how much I weigh and sleep. I'm not even going to walk home, I'll just take the bus.

I trumpled alot today, and it was embarrassing. I barely could walk around the shop and serve on time, However the day was finally done and I was really looking forward to my bed.
" Hey Winter, How are you feeling?" Dae-hyun asks me nicely, " I'm alright, why?" I reply getting worried that it looks like I'm tired. I barely eat, and I stay up doing set ups and leg raises, so my eyebags are probably showing even if I applied makeup today.
" Nothing, just seems you're tired." He says, " yea just alot of studying" I lie, he looks at me for a minute, i mean i haven't eaten in three days but he did not need to know that.
he takes out a chocolate bar out of his bag and gives it to me. "Well, be easy on yourself, even if it means not studying 24/7 lol, here have this, it'll make you feel better".
I thanked him, then he drove off. I took out the trash that was filled with half eaten croissants and baked sweets, before shutting the shop with the manager. I go on the bus looking at the chocolate bar he gave me, and ended up not eating it and gave it to a kid that sat next to me on the bus with his dad. I get home, take a shower.
I glance accidentally at myself in the mirror and tried to avoid it too. I get up with my racing heart and read " 112.3lbs." It ticked 12 midnight as I was proud I have lost about 10pounds in 2 week, and I have a new fasting record of 3 days.
Next week I shall weigh lower and 110lbs was in my mind..