Lower- Ed novel

5. Empty

Thursday came, and I was in my third class, taking some notes about the human body and whatever.

I ate Dinner yesterday for the fact my father was at home.

Flashback:

I woke up on A Wednesday morning, and realized I had gotten my period while I was asleep, I got up quickly, all panicked and freaked out, to make sure my bed was clean and thank God it was.
I go in the shower with alot of negative thoughts, not going to school was one of them, do you ever feel like you're not good enough to show up in front of people? Like they shouldn't know The fat you? Or the ugly you? The dumb you?

I hear my mom leaving the house for her work that barely pays off as a cashier, taking my little brother with her to his elementary school, and so I went to school only without work.
At night, I find father on the coach, and he tells me coldely" prepare the table". I reply with "yes Dad" then head up to my room to change as I wanted to run away.
I didn't want to have dinner, it would ruin everything, but I knew father didn't like anyone skipping the food "he" puts on the table. I was truly scared of him.. why can't I have a normal happy family? Or the perfect body that I want? Or someone that loves me? I felt like running away, or swiping lives with someone else so they could eat this dinner instead of me.

I go down the stairs and set the table. Mom had made pasta with steak and vegetables. I was glad there was vegetables at the end of the day... we sit down, eating quietly, I look at my food not wanting to Even look at it, it was tempting and that made me vulnerable.
I noticed my mom was looking at me, and I probably looked crazy for not eating, I take the first bite of carrots, and so the second and third of the vegetables. I ate the whole stake and didn't touch the pasta. I felt proud that I didn't give in completely and eat the whole meal, but even so, there was no escape from my guilt. I guzzle water to top it off before I excuse myself from the table but lovely father had to say something.

" eat your pasta Winter" as he stared soullessly and annoyed. " I'm full ." I say as my heart felt like it was going to rip out of my chest. He stays quite then mom tells me it's okay to go upstairs. It was a night of hell.

Out of flashback:

I go into my last class, in which it was English. My weight was stuck, it wasn't going past 111lbs, no matter how much I exercised. Not seeing results tempted me to just stop, eat and give up, but I knew everything needed patience and I just had to be patient cause going back to fat wasn't an option, not even over my dead body.

I get into the classroom a little early. As I step in, I bump into someone's chest who was going out of the classroom. I look up and see Leo, the Leo that I have been avoiding for almost the whole semester.
" easy there" he says with a little smile.
" oh I'm so sorry I didn't see you going out I was just a little early to class and uh i-" I justify myself like an annoying kid and he just was looking me up and down.

" You've gotten smaller.." He notes with a sense of sadness in his husky voice. I try to avoid him and walk past him, put he holds my shoulder. " don't touch me!" I scream accidentally. He took his hand off right away, somewhat shocked from the sudden response," sorry I didn't mean to" is all he said then headed out, as the classroom was getting fuller by the second later on, he came back and sat behind me in his desk.

I didn't mean to explode like that on him, I was just frustrated with my dad, and the dropping of my grades not my weight, and with my period and hormones I let it out on him. I didn't want anyone to touch me because I felt disgusting.

I see Maggie in the hallway so I reached my hand in the air as I called her name. I haven't gotten to see her this past week, and hardly the weeks before as she went along her parents in a business trip. She sees me, then gives me a soft frown.
I go to her telling her about the latest homework and paper works and that today I'll keep an eye on Jacob for her but all she replied with was "winter, you look ill".