Old Flame︱Brennan Sorrengail

a glimpse of us

3+ YEARS AGO...

I HOPED SOMEWHERE OUT THERE, SOMEONE WAS AS HAPPY AS I WAS. I hoped I wasn't the only one who knew what it was like to feel alive from the time I woke up to the time I closed my eyes. I hoped that'd never change.

And—I hoped that the someone out there was Brennan.

"You'll pop a vein if you stare at him any harder," Violet whispered as I trailed her brother's movements from the top of the hill to the bottom. Chasing around a six-year-old after running around all day must've been...fun. I did not envy Brennan. Though little Jason...

I did envy my brother. Having Brennan chase me around sounded like a dream come true.

"If I stare any less, I'll regret it later." I didn't spare her a glance. "I have to memorise how he looks. See those two little strands of hair in his face? I've never seen them like that before."

"You're insane," Violet whispered and strode up to the man. I muttered a quick "thank you" before she pointed towards me and pushed him my way.

I couldn't help but smile as he stepped up to me. His smirk was almost enough to send me straight to the floor.

"I bet you would have much more fun if you joined instead of standing on the sidelines."

Reaching up to tuck his hair back in place, I tugged the corners of my lips up for the man in front of me. It was bittersweet. Being here with him. I knew we wouldn't have moments like this for much longer. As much as I tried not to think about him leaving for Basgiath again, I knew it would happen eventually.

And I knew all my hopes would come crashing down.

"Maybe I like watching you," I whispered.

Brennan tugged a corner of his lips up. "Come on, " he said, holding my hand. "You and JJ hide; I'll find you."

I mimicked his smile. "Game on."

☾

"JJ" —I stifled a snort— "He'll find us if you keep laughing."

My brother pressed a hand to his lips to muffle his giggles. "There's no way he'll find us! We're in a good spot—"

"Really?" Brennan called from behind me, wrapping his arms around my middle. I gasped in surprise as he lifted me up, resting his head in the crook of my neck and kissing me. Jason plunged onto the ground, laughing as loud as thunder.

"You scared me!" JJ clamoured as I pulled at Brennan's arms, bellowing.

"Sorry," Brennan called, spinning me around. "But I was supposed to find you. And there wasn't a way in hell I'd let you win, JJ."

"Whatever," Jason said and took off towards Violet. "Last one to Vi is a rotten dragon egg!"

Brennan set me on the ground, glancing in the direction JJ took off in. "We'll catch up with you, JJ," he shouted. My brother's response came in muffled.

Turning back towards me, Brennan tugged his lips up. But there was something hidden in his eyes. Something...dire.

"What's wrong?" I asked, putting a hand on his arm. He shook his head and pressed against my lower back, guiding me down a forest trail that led up the hill. It was the long way, so we'd have a few minutes to ourselves.

I couldn't decide whether that was a good or bad thing.

"Just..." Brennan whispered, "walk with me?"

I took a few long seconds to nod, humming. "You're scaring me." I let out a humourless laugh, gazing up at him. He wilted.

And we walked. It was a few minutes before he finally gave up on the silence.

Brennan huffed. And put his hands on my arms. "I have to tell you something," he whispered, "and you're not going to like what I'm saying."

"Um." I blew out a breath. "Okay." I tugged my lips up in hopes of hiding the fear coursing through my veins. Whenever someone says they have to talk, you're entire world is fucked. I couldn't...I couldn't handle my world collapsing. Not when my world was him.

He hung his head. And met my eyes. "It's not fair," he said, setting his jaw, "that I asked you to wait for me."

I stared at him, my breath catching in my throat. "What?" I squeaked out.

"I want you to live. I want you to enjoy life. And if by some miracle, you still want to be with me in a few years, then I'll be here. But, Milena, until then, you have to forget about me. You have to move on. You have to—"

"What?" I repeated, moving my shaky hand to his arm. He stepped away.

Oh.

"Milena, promise me." He held my glossy gaze. "Promise me you'll live."

Staring at him, swallowing the cries in my throat, I moved my hands to my hips, hoping to wait him out. My frown went deeper the longer he stayed quiet. And, eventually, the only thing surrounding us was the sobs escaping my lips. "Is this because of what happened with Mom?" I asked, swiping at my cheeks. "Because I told you, I swore to you, I was nothing like her. I'm not. I won't ever be like her, Bren. I wouldn't ever hurt you. I can't hurt you—"

"No, fuck, no, Milena. It's not about your mom. It's about how I'm holding you back. I'm not good for you—"

"You are!" I stepped closer to him on wobbly knees. He backed away—but still looked ready to catch me if I fell. "You are good for me! You're the best thing in my life! You've always been—"

"Please don't make this harder than it has to be, Mil." Brennan let out a breath. A long one. "Just promise me. Promise me you'll move on, and I can go."

"Did someone say something to you?" I asked him. "Because you just asked me to marry you two weeks ago. There's no way you could've changed your mind that quickly."

He straightened. "Promise me, Milena. Please promise me."

"How?" I shouted, widening my eyes at him. I hiccuped. And hiccuped again. "How am I supposed to move on from you? You're everything to me. You're it for me, Bren."

"Promise."

I choked on another cry. "I love you."

"Promise me."

I scoffed and turned away from him, towards Violet and Jason. Brennan cursed behind me as I strode up to my brother. Wiping my face, I blew out a trembling breath, hoping to hide those awful tears.

"Come on," I whispered, holding my brother's hand. His smile fell when he looked at me. Violet's too. "We're going home, JJ."

"Milena, I need you to promise. Please promise." Brennan stepped beside me. But kept his jerking hands away from me.

"No." I shook my head. "I won't."

"Lena?" Violet whispered, darting her eyes between me and her brother. "Are you okay?"

"'m fine, Vi." I sent a small smile her way. Ignored Brennan completely. "I'll see you later. Tell Mira I'll have to cancel our plans tomorrow, please. Something came up."