Lessons in Desire

[5] L- The Waiting Game

The days following that kiss felt like a slow burn, simmering just beneath the surface. Every moment, every second was filled with the weight of what I'd done. I had crossed a line with Sophia — a line I'd sworn to never cross. The tension that had built between us for weeks had finally snapped, and now, I couldn't stop thinking about her.

I replayed the kiss over and over in my head, the way her lips had responded to mine, the soft gasp that escaped her when I pulled her close, the way she melted into me as if she'd been waiting for that moment as much as I had. It was intoxicating, overwhelming, and yet... utterly wrong.

What the hell had I been thinking?

I spent the next few days buried in my lesson plans, trying to focus on anything other than the memory of her touch. But no matter how hard I tried, my thoughts drifted back to that moment in the classroom. The way her eyes widened in surprise, the way she looked at me afterward, breathless and stunned.

Part of me knew I'd crossed a line I couldn't uncross, but the other part of me — the part that craved her attention, her teasing glances, and the way she made me feel like I was losing control — that part didn't care.

Still, there was a nagging voice in the back of my mind. Had I ruined everything? Would she come back to class and act like nothing had happened? Or worse — would she report me?

I had no idea how she felt. Her reaction had been a mixture of surprise, excitement, and something else... uncertainty, perhaps. And now, I was left wondering if I had completely misjudged the situation.

Was she toying with me, or had she genuinely wanted that kiss?

The days dragged on, each one longer than the last. My mind was a mess, a tangle of guilt, anticipation, and fear. I knew I had to see her again, to gauge her reaction in person.

And yet, the fear of facing her was almost paralyzing.

When Thursday arrived, I was wound so tight I could barely think. Today was the day. Sophia would be back in my classroom, and I'd finally know whether I'd made the biggest mistake of my career — and my life.

The bell rang, signaling the start of class, and I stood at the front of the room, hands gripping the edge of my desk as students began to filter in. My eyes scanned the faces as they entered, searching for her — for any sign of her curly hair or that teasing smile.

But as the room filled up, Sophia was nowhere to be found.

My heart sank.

She wasn't here.

I tried to keep my expression neutral as I started the lesson, but my thoughts were spinning out of control. Where was she? Was she avoiding me? Had she decided to drop the class altogether? My chest tightened with anxiety, and I found it hard to focus on the students in front of me.

As I lectured on literary themes, my mind kept wandering back to Sophia. I'd glance at the door every few minutes, hoping she would walk in late, but she never did. Each second that passed only deepened the pit in my stomach.

Is she okay? The thought crossed my mind over and over, filling me with a gnawing sense of worry. Was something wrong?

I tried to shake the thought, reminding myself that I was overthinking. But then again... what if something had happened? What if she was avoiding me because of what happened between us?

The class seemed to drag on forever, and by the time it ended, I was left feeling more uncertain than ever. As the students filed out, I stayed seated at my desk, staring blankly at the papers in front of me.

I had messed up.

That much was clear.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of lessons and meetings, but my mind remained on Sophia. I kept imagining the worst-case scenario — her reporting me, her never returning to class, her avoiding me at every turn. Each thought only added to my growing sense of dread.