Lessons in Desire

[13] L- The Thin Line

The morning sun streamed through the large windows of my office, casting golden rays across the stacks of books cluttering my desk. The air was crisp, promising a bright, productive day, but I couldn't focus. My thoughts swirled in chaotic loops, constantly returning to the same point of tension: the meeting. The resignation. The faculty member who had been caught. I could still feel the cold sweat that had slicked my palms as the Dean made his announcement.

It wasn't me.

But it could have been. And that knowledge twisted my stomach into knots.

I shifted in my leather chair, running a hand through my hair, trying to will the unease out of my body. My mind wasn't here—it was still in that auditorium, still tethered to the fear that had nearly suffocated me. The realization that I wasn't as invincible as I'd convinced myself.

Someone had been caught. A staff member was involved in a relationship with a student. And instead of facing the consequences, they'd chosen to resign. The Dean's voice still echoed in my ears: "We hold our faculty to the highest ethical standards."

He could've been talking about me.

I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my temples. I had to pull myself together. Dwelling on the possibility wasn't going to change anything. Not now, anyway. But I couldn't ignore it either. The line between risk and disaster was thinner than I'd imagined. We were walking that line—Sophia and I—and I wasn't sure how much longer we could balance.

I glanced at the clock. Fifteen minutes until my class. I had no idea how I was going to make it through without losing focus, especially today. Today was the day Sophia was scheduled to give her final poetry presentation.

Sophia. Her name alone stirred something deep in my chest. I couldn't deny the way she affected me—the way she had seeped into every crevice of my mind, distracting me, intoxicating me. But right now, I needed control. I had to regain that professionalism I was supposed to uphold.

I stood, shrugging on my jacket, and grabbed my briefcase.

*Focus, Lorenzo. Keep it together.*

The walk to the lecture hall was a blur, my body moving on autopilot while my mind replayed every moment we'd shared over the past few weeks. The library, the tension-filled faculty dinner, every fleeting glance and stolen kiss. We had pushed the boundaries too far, too fast, and now we had to face the consequences. Or rather, we had to *avoid* the consequences.

When I entered the lecture hall, my students were already settling into their seats, chatting amongst themselves, blissfully unaware of the turmoil in my head. I scanned the room for her and found her sitting in the back, quietly thumbing through her notes. Even from across the room, she was a force. Her long hair cascaded down her back, and her fingers moved with graceful precision.

She was different today—more composed, more serious, perhaps because of the presentation. I couldn't tell if the slight smile she gave me when our eyes met was just a polite acknowledgment or something more. My heart skipped a beat, and I quickly turned my attention to the front of the room.

I had to be careful. We had to be careful.

"Alright, everyone, let's get started," I said, my voice echoing in the large room. I forced myself into my role as the professor, pushing aside the lingering thoughts of the meeting. "As you all know, today we're finishing up our poetry presentations. I hope you're all ready because I expect insightful analyses and passionate readings."

The class chuckled, and I managed a small smile. This was the easy part. Being the professor, being the guide. But when it came to Sophia, there was nothing easy about it.