Lessons in Desire

[21] L- Shadows of Paranoia

The email has been burned into my mind for days now, like a stain I can't wash away. Every time I open my inbox, I half-expect another message to be waiting for me—another reminder that someone knows my darkest secret. It's eating away at me, slowly. I've barely slept, my mind running in endless circles, trying to figure out who could've sent it.

Every time I pass someone in the halls—whether it's a student, a colleague, or even the damn janitor—I can't help but wonder: Is it them?

My paranoia is creeping up on me like an unwanted shadow, always lurking, always present. It could be anyone. Someone from my class? Another professor? Or... could it be James? He's been getting a little too close to Sophia for my liking, and the idea that he might have seen something—anything—makes my blood run cold.

No, that doesn't make sense. If it were James, he wouldn't be so casual around me, would he? He still greets me with that easy-going smile of his, completely unaware of the tension roiling beneath the surface. Or maybe he's just playing the long game—keeping his cards close to his chest while he waits for the perfect moment to strike.

The thought makes me sick.

I haven't seen Sophia in days either. We haven't spoken in person since... that day. The day I lost control in James' classroom. The day I thought I had everything figured out. She hasn't contacted me, and I haven't reached out either. Maybe she's part of this. Maybe this was all her plan from the beginning, to lure me in and then use it against me. But why would she do that? What would she gain? If anything she had just as much to loose as me.

The questions swirl in my head, one after the other, with no answers in sight.

I lean forward in my office chair, rubbing my temples, trying to push the thoughts away. I need to focus. I can't let this paranoia consume me—it'll drive me mad.

But I can't stop. My mind keeps going back to the email, dissecting every word, every image. Who has access to the faculty offices? Who could've been in the library that day? I was so sure we were alone—so lost in the heat of the moment that I hadn't even bothered to check.

Idiot.

I slam my fist against the desk in frustration, the sharp pain grounding me for a moment. I need to calm down. I need to think rationally.

There's a knock at the door, and I nearly jump out of my skin. My heart pounds as I force myself to stand, my legs shaky beneath me. I open the door cautiously, expecting to see... well, I don't even know what I'm expecting anymore.

But it's just James. He's standing there, holding two cups of coffee and flashing me that same friendly grin.

"Morning, Lorenzo," he says, stepping into my office without waiting for an invitation. "Thought you could use a little pick-me-up. You've been looking... tense lately."

I stare at him for a second, trying to figure out if there's something hidden behind that easy demeanor. Does he know? Could he be the one behind that email? Or is this just James being James?

I force a smile and take the coffee from him, my hands trembling slightly. "Thanks," I mutter, sitting back down at my desk. "Just been... busy with lesson plans and all."

"Yeah, tell me about it," James laughs, sitting across from me. "This semester's been rough already. But hey, at least we've got Sophia to help out, right? She's been a lifesaver."

Sophia. Her name sends a fresh wave of anxiety through me, and I have to work hard to keep my face neutral.

James takes a sip of his coffee, seemingly unaware of the storm raging inside me. "She's smart as hell, you know? I've been thinking about asking her to help me with some research I've been working on. Might even co-publish something with her."

I nearly choke on my coffee. "Co-publish?"

"Yeah, why not? She's got potential," he shrugs, completely oblivious to the jealousy clawing at my chest. "You should see the way she breaks down texts in class. Sharp mind. Reminds me of you, honestly."

Reminds him of me?

It's almost laughable, the irony of it all. Here he is, talking about how brilliant Sophia is, how she's such a good assistant, and all I can think about is her in my arms, her lips pressed against mine, the sound of her moans still echoing in my head.

Does he even know? Does he have any idea that the woman he's so impressed by is the same one who's been driving me insane?

I nod, trying to play it cool. "She's... good," I say, my voice tight. "Definitely... capable."

James chuckles. "Understatement of the year. Anyway, I've got to run. Just thought I'd drop this off. Don't work yourself to death, alright? You've been looking like you could use a break."

I give him a weak smile as he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

The second he's gone, I exhale sharply, running a hand through my hair. My paranoia flares up again. Could it be him? Could James be the one pulling the strings, trying to get inside my head? But why? What would he gain from this?

Unless...

What if it's not James? What if it's someone else entirely—someone I haven't even considered? Could it be one of my students? Another professor? Hell, it could be anyone on this damn campus.

The thought terrifies me.

I pull up my email again, scrolling through the inbox, searching for any sign of another message. Nothing. Just the one email, still sitting there like a ticking time bomb.

I stare at the picture again. The panties. The buttons. The evidence of my carelessness.

What do they want? Money? Power? Or worse... could they want to ruin me?

I can't keep going like this. I can't keep looking over my shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I need to figure out who's behind this before they make their next move.

But for now, all I can do is wait.

Wait... and hope that I haven't already lost everything.