Lessons in Desire

[18] L- Forgotten Plans

The day had dragged on like molasses, each hour slower than the last, my mind an unforgiving loop of Sophia and James. That casual hand on her back, the laugh they shared, the way her eyes lit up when she talked to him—it haunted me. I tried to brush it off, to focus on my own classes, but it was like trying to shake off a heavy weight. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't dislodge it.

I'd stood in front of my own class that afternoon, attempting to discuss Keats and his brilliant use of imagery in Ode on a Grecian Urn, but the words felt hollow. I couldn't concentrate. My mind wandered back to the sight of James and Sophia together, their shared laughter ringing in my ears like a taunt. My students must have noticed the shift in my mood. I could feel their eyes on me, confused, waiting for something insightful. Instead, they got fragments, half-formed thoughts, and a distracted professor who didn't even notice the bell ringing until the class was already packing up to leave.

It wasn't until the last student left the room that I snapped back into reality. What the hell was I doing? This wasn't me. I wasn't the kind of man who let something—or someone—consume him like this. And yet, I couldn't stop. I was losing focus, and the only way to get it back was to confront the source of it all.

I left the classroom quickly, barely noticing my surroundings as I headed straight for James' lecture hall. My pace quickened with every step, my mind a jumble of jealousy, anger, and—if I was honest with myself—fear. Fear that maybe, just maybe, I had lost her. That I had pushed her away, and James was now filling the space I had vacated.

When I reached the lecture hall, I stopped just outside the door. My breath came in uneven bursts, my heart pounding in my chest. What was I doing? Was I really going to storm in there, confront her in front of him? What would I even say?

The rational side of me knew this was a terrible idea, but my emotions had long since taken control. Before I could decide what to do next, the door swung open, and out walked James—followed closely by Sophia.

James spotted me first, his face breaking into a wide smile. "Lorenzo! What's up, man?"

I cleared my throat, trying to appear as if I wasn't on the verge of doing something incredibly stupid. "I was, uh... I came to grab the old lesson plans I lent you. The ones from last week?"

James frowned for a moment, glancing down at his watch. "Oh, right, right. I have those in my office. Let me—actually, I've got an appointment I'm running late for." He glanced at Sophia, then back at me. "Sophia, do you mind grabbing them for Professor DeLuca? Just make sure to lock up when you're done."

My heart sped up, a surge of excitement shooting through me. James was handing me an opportunity on a silver platter. "That would be great," I said, trying to keep my voice steady, as if this wasn't exactly what I had been hoping for.

"Of course," Sophia said, her voice light and unbothered. Too calm. Too collected.

James clapped me on the shoulder as he passed, rushing toward the parking lot. "Thanks, Lorenzo. You guys take care!"

As soon as he was out of sight, I turned to face Sophia, but she had already went back into the lecture hall, so I followed her. She didn't meet my eyes at first, instead busying herself with collecting the lesson plans from a drawer. The room felt charged, the air thick with unsaid things. I took a step closer, unable to contain the frustration that had been building for days—weeks, really.

"Sophia," I started, my voice low, but laced with the anger I'd been swallowing for too long, "why have you been avoiding me?"

She paused, her fingers stilling over the papers she was rifling through. Slowly, she straightened, turning to face me with a look that made my stomach twist. "Avoiding you?" she repeated, her tone incredulous. "If anyone was avoiding someone, it was you."