Saviour of Neither

22 - Blue

Heartbroken. The second time, and now I've taken a sledgehanmer and ground the shards of my heart to lifeless dust.

What am I on about? I'm Adrian Longthorpe, have been as long as I should remember. And Adrian is an independent man. He doesn't need anybody else. He's tough like that. Strong.

Not pining after somebody else so pathetically.

Of course I've put what I thought over what he might have thought - think, perhaps. Not anymore. He hates me now, surely - he's a good man with strong morals. He doesn't deserve somebody so insecure about the very idea of love - any love, be it platonic or more - that they'd deny both themselves and him their happiness. He ought to have somebody as certain as him, who thinks as freely as him, who's as brave as him.

Coward.

The rest of the afternoon I spend in a dreamlike state, a shadow, weaving aimlessly and forgetting to eat.

Weren't you a capable human, mortal, or must I help you out?

WEAKLING - LILY-LIVERED THING

Both the Angel and Demon seem to speak louder, voices bouncing around my mind and threatening to shatter it. I don't care. They can do what they want now. Either way I'm a pathetic excuse of a human being, rejecting his kindness, friendship, his camaderie so harshly.

Do I even want to leave this building? I'll have to, won't I?

Solomon. Solomon Morgan.

I'm a dead man, and I'll be ferried to my death in two days.

Dead!

The Chief Paladin would have almost certainly found out by now. Perhaps word of mouth, or Chester's gone to visit himself. Or perhaps Zantham would tell him. Or Nora, since I suppose she's the chauffeur for his carriage back to Mason Valley.

See? If you and Chester hadn't been friendly, you would've never fallen out. Why else do you think you made that promise?

I can't turn back now. I'm in too deep. Wherever I go I'll be met with glares and disapproving shakes of the head. I could never show my face again.

The sky seems darker now. Pathetic fallacy. Good. Perhaps this life isn't worth living out. Ruby won't need somebody to protect her - she's married now. Matthew is much more capable than me.

And who else would care? I hardly know anybody at Aureus Castle. I'm distant from all the residents in Hilsbury. I have no other family to turn back to - after all, I've already made sure of that.

Is that a storm approaching? Something ominous seems to loom nearby, thundering and thudding. People have suffered for my actions, and many of which I cannot put right. Would the world, perhaps, be a better place, had I not been willed into the world? If my birth parents were satisfied with a female heir?

CRACK

What was that?

The sky hasn't gotten darker. In fact, I can't see the sky at all.

The capsule.

Except, this time, it's not an observatory for an ongoing spiritual battle - I am within the arena itself. The next thing I am aware of is a stabbing, sharp pain within my chest, as well as immense fatigue.

They're after the flame.

Immediately I pounce towards the centre, running on adrenaline alone, clasping the small flame close to my chest. It seems to warm me, give me life, and I feel the pain alleviate. Glancing at where the crack came from, I can see it begin to heal.