Rival Offline (Anya Forger x Damian Desmond)

Chapter Twenty Four: Hollow

Damian entered the classroom, his expression carefully neutral, though his thoughts were anything but calm. He would never admit it out loud, but he had actually enjoyed the class trip. Normally, he attended those sorts of things purely for the sake of his grades, never with the intention of having fun.

But the memories of Anya tugging him along, including him in every little thing, stirred something unfamiliar in his chest. It felt tight, almost uncomfortable. Somehow, she had managed to break through the walls he'd so carefully constructed, and he wasn't even sure who he was anymore. The person he had become over the years was buried so deeply inside himself, hidden beneath the layers of expectations and facades.

Damian constantly lived a double life, suppressing his true self so often that even when he was alone, he still found himself playing the part of "Damian Desmond, son of Donovan Desmond." The only time he felt even remotely like himself was when he was online, hiding behind the alias "Kokei." There, he could type the words he couldn't speak out loud, express the thoughts he kept buried, without fear of judgment or consequence.

"Dammit, I can't be in love with the commoner girl," he thought, frustration bubbling up. "What would my father think?"

But even as he thought it, another question lingered, more painful and persistent: What did his father think of him, anyway? Did he even remember he existed?

Damian clenched his fists, trying to shake off the doubt gnawing at him. It wasn't just about his father's approval anymore. It was about what he truly wanted, and for the first time in his life, he wasn't so sure.

What is the real me?

Damian took his seat, trying to appear casual, but his gaze kept drifting toward Anya. She was sitting a few rows ahead, aggressively chewing on her pen as she concentrated on her work. He noticed the bite marks forming on the cheap plastic, and the way her lips moved as she nibbled on it like a chipmunk.

He realized he was staring at her lips.

His heart skipped a beat, and he quickly turned his eyes away, a blush creeping up his cheeks. "What is wrong with me?" he thought, feeling a mix of embarrassment and confusion.

Why was he so drawn to her? She was just Anya, the annoying, stubborn girl who always managed to get under his skin... but now, she was something more. Something he couldn't quite put into words, and it was driving him crazy.

*Anya was Sakura.* She had seen the real Damian — a side of him no one else knew existed. The secret he kept hidden beneath layers of arrogance and indifference, the softer side he only dared to show online. She could've easily shattered his carefully crafted image, told everyone that Damian Desmond, the prestigious son of Donovan Desmond, was actually a weirdo who vented his frustrations and dreams in the safety of cyberspace.

But who was she to judge? If she said that, she'd be a hypocrite. She was just as weird, just as different, but unlike Damian, she was content with her weirdness. She embraced it openly, with a confidence that baffled him, even infuriated him. That was the real reason he was jealous of her — not because she was his academic rival, but because she was happy being who she was, true to herself in a way he couldn't fathom.

And now that she knew his secret, she could see why he resented her so much. Yet, instead of using it against him, she just... accepted it. Accepted him. She was his friend, even knowing everything she knew. That terrified him more than anything.

This kind of acceptance was what he had always wanted — needed, even — from his father. The kind that didn't require perfection or pretense, the kind that didn't hinge on achievements or status. His "stupid" dad, as Anya had so bluntly put it, had never given him that. 

Damian felt a pang in his chest, an ache he rarely allowed himself to acknowledge. All his life, he had been chasing his father's approval, trying to become someone worthy of being noticed. But Anya... she had seen right through him, past all his walls and masks, and still, she hadn't judged him or turned away. Instead, she'd welcomed him into her world with that infuriating smile, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to accept him for who he truly was.

It was maddening, and yet, it was what he had always wanted.

The girl baffled him. Why was she so willing to be his friend? Even after everything he had done — the insults, the coldness, the countless times he'd tried to push her away — she still looked at him with that same bright, open expression, as if none of it mattered. As if she saw something in him worth knowing, worth caring about.

He felt selfish. Selfish for wanting her friendship when he had done so little to deserve it. Selfish for feeling comforted by her presence when he should be keeping his distance. He had spent so much time convinced he was better off alone, that needing anyone was a weakness. But now, he wasn't so sure.

Anya Forger, with her strange, stubborn kindness, had slipped past every defense he'd built, and he didn't know whether to push her away harder or pull her closer. All he knew was that she made him feel things he wasn't prepared for — things he'd been taught to avoid.

He looked down at his desk, his hands clenched into fists as a wave of emotions surged through him. It was unfamiliar, unsettling. Damian wasn't used to feeling this much all at once. Before that trip, he had been a hollow shell, moving through life with a cold sense of purpose. His world had been defined by duty, expectations, and the relentless pressure to be perfect — nothing more, nothing less.

But now, everything felt different. The cracks in his armor were widening, and he wasn't sure how to stop it. He had spent so long burying his emotions, hiding behind his status and his father's expectations, that he had almost forgotten what it was like to feel anything beyond resentment or bitterness.

Yet here he was, his heart pounding, his mind racing — all because of her. Because of the girl who had seen him for who he really was and didn't run away. Instead, she reached out, pulled him closer, and made him question everything he thought he knew about himself.