More Mercury angst for y'all 😘
Sorry for being inactive, I've just been very unmotivated and I have recently joined the Gravity Falls fandom which has been a new hyperfixation of mine
Trigger warning:
Implied self harm
So I hope you enjoy :3
__________________________________________
If you were to ask Mercury what his biggest wish was a while ago, it would've been to be accepted and to finally join the other Rockies in the card games and asteroid dodgeball. But now that he plays card games and is pretty much a part of the group now, he sometimes just wants to be alone. Even if the others want to invite him. He still declines sometimes. Why? He doesn't know. Maybe it's because he's afraid that they'll push him away again, so he does it first? Maybe he doesn't want to be rejected? Or forgotten?
These are things that Mercury doesn't understand WHY he's feeling. He's gotten what he wanted, so why does he feel so.. Detached? He always hated being pushed on the sidelines, but now that he wasn't being pushed away anymore.. He wants to go back? Why the hell would he want that? He doesn't understand. Why did he wish to be apart of a group so bad, and when he finally was, he doesn't even want it anymore?
Was he getting bored of them? Was it because of all the inside jokes they had that he didn't understand? Was it because he still was different from them? Because he didn't try sooner to join? Everything felt so overwhelming now. He joined to too late or that's what it felt like. The others don't really understand his interests, so he doesn't talk about them. He doesn't understand their interests so he just tunes them out. Is this what being different was? Seen as a weirdo?
He didn't like feeling this way. God, he loathed it. He's seen how the others are without him, so what difference does it make when he's there with them. Nothing. That's the point, nothing at all. Nothing fucking changes. Maybe he's had a few good conversations with them, but other than that. He just feels so distant, like he's viewing everything from third person. It's started to feel like he's being dragged into that dark pit again. Old habits die hard.
He doesn't want to go back to that. He doesn't want to give back to the endless nights of tearing at his own flesh, drowning in a sea of self-loathing thoughts. Back to thinking something was wrong with him. That something made him so unlovable and likeable. Not that. Not ever again. But, hey... Not like he really has a choice at this rate. Maybe it's for the best.
There was also something else. Something deep within his core. A feeling. A feeling of something rotten. Something so rotten that is buried deep inside that is starting to claw it's way out. He doesn't know what it is or what it's capable of. But he doesn't like it. Not one bit. What even was this feeling? Was he going to snap? Was that the feeling?
He didn't know
He was so confused
Oh, god make it stop
It's all so overwhelming
Maybe, he didn't have a reason to stay. A was it of space one would call it. Did he even serve a purpose? Everyone else had something unique, and what did he have? A rocky surface and an oversized core.
Maybe that's why he felt so detatched. So different. Like he didn't belong in his own system.
Maybe, because...
He didn't belong
__________________________________________
Sorry if this sucked ass
I'm running out of ideas
I would appreciate for some requests, but I probably won't be able to get to all and anything is welcome (except smut. I can't write smut or am I comfortable with it)
BAI BAI
Word count: 649
