𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄

𝟎𝟏𝟎

a/n; this chapter is strangely very dearly beloved to me, so comments would be appreciated! truthfully told most of this are moments of their life but each paragraph was crafted very carefully in the sense that it's like a knitted sweater or something so I would love comments (allegiance, you will always be special to me)

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The days whizzed past. You quickly lost track of them, and the only indication of the fleeting weeks was the calendar on the wall slowly becoming thinner. Its pages had been torn from it and now lay in the waste paper basket.

You spent the majority of your time in the palace. It served as a pleasant reprieve from the noise in your household — while you had gotten used to the fighting, the noise distracted you from your studies. Initially, you had not been able to put down a word next to the feeling you felt, but now you knew it was grief. Grief didn't necessarily require a loss of someone — you realized you were grieving for the loss of something you always wanted — a family.

The weeks inched closer to your birthday. You remembered all the memories you had made fondly: your first mana-casting, your first lychee, your first friend. All of this had happened in your eighth year of living, and you felt exhilarated, convinced that things could only get better from then on.

You worked hard; your nose bled, your hands grew rough and sported callouses. Your skin became sunburnt from all the times you spent running around barefoot in the garden, treading on soft moss and slipping occasionally. One subject you tended to be far better in than Silas was botany, and it was always a pleasure to depart knowledge to him.

"There's roses over here —look," you told him once. "I mean, the meaning of them is pretty well-known, and it's mostly everyone's favorites. But I love the daffodils. My mom told me that they mean new beginnings, rebirth, and hope. New beginnings. I like the sound of that. It's like a fresh start."

You waited patiently for your family's fresh start. That one day you would wake up on your bed with the cold wind kissing your cheeks and whispering to you that everything was going to be fine, and that your family had changed. Then when your feet stepped onto the cold tiles of the floor, it seemed to mock you, telling you that your dreams were naive and stupid, that your naivety would be whisked away.

Like the heavens were mocking you, your father and mother quarreled even more so. Sometimes you wondered if you were making a big fuss over their arguments: after all, unlike Silas, you had been blessed with a loving mother. Was it greedy of you to demand more? But still your heart remained selfish: you continued to demand. But there was a silver lining in every cloud, and you found your relationship with your father improving, albeit rocky at times.

You worked extra hard to please him. At times, it pulled over. Other times, it didn't.

"...I thought you were getting good because you mastered the first tier. I must have been wrong." He said once.