𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 | 𝐁𝐋

𝟎𝟐𝟐

a/n; don't be a silent reader! do remember to vote and comment as it would greatly motivate me

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FIFTEEN YEARS AGO

[ The palace was in an uproar when the butler showed up with a baby in his hands. It was too early to tell who he resembled, but his eyes and hair shared the same color as Lady Sarah's.

I thought the rumor of the butler getting wedded to Lady Sarah was false at first, for it was common knowledge that the Emperor and him adored each other. But on the other hand, they seemed to be getting into frequent fights of late.

The Emperor nearly killed Lady Sarah. I could hear quite a bit of shouting, actually. I could not believe that Lord Ralph had consummated the marriage with Lady Sarah. I simply never expected them to have a child — it was shocking news.

I pitied the child. Lord Ralph seemed to be fond of his newborn son, but also rather anxious and worried — almost unpleasantly surprised. Was the child not expected? Did he not want the child? Why did the butler seem so unstable?

But either way, I felt sorry for the baby. I hope he'll be fine in the future, and that life will spare him heartbreak and grievances. ]

— old excerpt from an official's letter detailing the state of the palace

—

The initial warmth that you felt earlier in the gardens waned off after you slipped beneath the blankets of Silas's bed. Your hair was still wet from showering, and the blanket offered you little warmth.

You glanced at Silas. He was sleeping peacefully, one arm thrown around you. He liked to nuzzle his head into your chest as he slept — Silas was physically affectionate that way. You were glad for the weight against you — it felt like an anchor, somehow, pulling you to bay.

Silas was here. You would choose him. He would allow you to feel normal. You could laugh, joke, and cry with him.

You stared at the ceiling with strange thoughts swarming in your head. You asked yourself: were you becoming the person you hated? Were you becoming too cruel, too jaded? Why was it so hard to be sweet and kind to people now? Every smile felt pained, and your laughter didn't feel genuine around people anymore. Silas was the only exception.

Truthfully, you were glad for Silvia's absence. Her absence meant you could stop pretending. Her absence meant that you could ignore her feelings. Her absence meant...

I should check up on her, at least, you thought, she's still my friend.

The main issue wasn't her. It was your mother. According to your father, she would be visiting very soon. You weren't prepared to see her — your throat still closed off at the sound of her name being spoken, and your heart still did the painful squeeze whenever you thought of her words. You rehearsed patterns of speeches in your head. She would ask you; how are you, Y/n? and you would choose to lie to her: you would say that everything was perfect, that you were marvelous and happier. Then, you would catch her expression fall as your mother realized you didn't need her.