𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 | 𝐁𝐋

𝟎𝟐𝟏

a/n; don't be a silent reader! be sure to comment and vote for my motivation! thank you all for reading!

—

You hated living in your thoughts. You despised the way you thought so much; the way you allowed your mind to haunt you. And now as your father spoke that dreaded sentence to you, you felt your thoughts collapse into each other: you felt your mind teetering off the edge.

One of your biggest fears that you never dared to admit out loud was your family crumbling. You had been too stubborn and shortsighted to admit that it had fallen apart a long time ago.

"You—" you whispered, "you're divorcing? You're divorcing Mother?"

Yes, they fought. Yes, they no longer talked. Yes, you knew they didn't love each other. In the years you had seen them, you had never seen the presence of their smiles. Your common sense told you that your parents' divorce was inevitable, but your eight year old self told you that there was still a chance. There was still a way to cement those cracks.

No. Perhaps you had been too adamant in keeping a picture perfect family in your head. And you had been clinging to vestiges of the past — now you realized that there had never been a time where you had seen them look at each other passionately.

All things were too fleeting. But in the case of your parents, there had never been a relationship in the first place.

"Yes," your father softened. "There's something else that I will have to tell you in the future, Y/n, but for now, you will have to choose a route. Will you continue being His Highness's butler, or will you go with your mother?"

"But —" you found yourself stammering, "this is my duty. This was my role since birth. My birthright. All that training, all that...I am your son, Father. You said I was meant to follow your footsteps. So why are you giving me a choice now? What about last time, when I wanted a different path in life? Why is it that once I grow attached to my job, you choose to give me a choice?"

Your father closed his eyes. "That does not apply to you."

"Doesn't this apply to me? Is this your way of saying that I am not your son? Do you think it's so easy for me to toss away my birthright to serve the future Emperor? Is this your way of saying that you don't acknowledge me as your flesh and blood?"

"It's complicated — I told you. I will tell you everything in the future."

"So I was right," you swallowed, "you only choose to see me when there's grave news."

"Grave?" Your father raised an eyebrow, "I assumed that you would have seen this coming from a mile away."

"That doesn't mean I want it to happen," your voice cracked, and to your horror, you found tears welling up in your eyes. You clenched your fists. "Did you ever try? Did you ever try to have a family with Mother and I?"