𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄

𝟎𝟑𝟖

a/n; I know it's been pretty long - sorry about that, but haha I've been focused on a lot of other fics! do note; chapters from now here will not be as long as before for the sake of my sanity & also because I don't want to drag things out if necessary. Everything is always tightly planned so the chapter basically ends whenever I finish writing whatever needs to happen lol. but that said, the chapters r still decently sized!

do comment as it would greatly motivate me! vote on this chapter too <3

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You wandered around like a ghost after the ordeal. You hardly got any sleep those few days — your posture was wilting, unlike the regal and proud way you used to stand — and your eye bags were dark and heavy, like black crescents had been left to hang on your eyelids.

You told yourself that this would be temporary. You told yourself that this period of depression and sadness that was enveloping you — it would all be temporary. You kept telling yourself that this wasn't supposed to be how things played out, but then the cold, hard facts would be tossed at your face: oh, but Y/n — this is exactly how it is. This is how everything is playing out.

The palace people must have heard of the news, for they looked at you with piteous eyes. They whispered condolences to you as they passed by in the corridors and yet they steered clear of you. You were glad they did so, because you weren't ready to listen to hastily uttered apologies and you weren't ready to look at people's pitiful gazes and looks of sadness. You were holding enough sadness in your heart already — you didn't need other people's borrowed pain either.

The funeral was arranged at the courtesy of Silas. You were grateful to him for that, and it made you doubt your suspicions that he was the culprit. Maybe you had been hasty in jumping to conclusions. Maybe it had been a freak accident. But still, to your surprise, many people attended the funeral. Your cousins, who stared at you like they had seen a ghost, your father, who you meaningfully avoided, and the palace servants who had watched you grow up. They brought little gifts and flowers and bowed their heads towards you.

Without you even being aware of it, you had become a key figure in the palace. It was ironic, that at the funeral of a person you had once loved most in the world, you realized how many people loved you. You realized how many people cared for you. And it allowed you to think that maybe you weren't alone anymore, after all.

Silvia had attended too, but you couldn't bring yourself to even talk or look at her. She patted you on the shoulder before she moved away to place a small basket of flowers and cakes on the table.

You clung onto Silas when you first arrived at the funeral scene. No expense had been spared: everything was beautiful, even the funeral wreaths. The casket was laid at the very front. It was an open casket funeral, Silas told you. You could go ahead and look at your mother's face at any time. But you found yourself tearing from it, not doing so. You wished to delay it for as long as you could. You wanted the moment between her and you to be intimate and private, and not in front of the numerous wandering attendees.