I WAS MADE FOR YOU

CHAPTER - 4

Beomgyu's P.O.V

The chestnut old room turned monotonous as the sun had fallen two hours ago. The moonlight seeped through the pane glasses of the window and the lights we still had not turned on.

Inside the room sat me and Taehyun in my bed. There was no sound except all the heavy air we breathed out. Our limbs tired from all the wandering our minds had done.

We inhaled and exhaled, our eyes droopy and lifeless. Our stares aimless and our thoughts heartless.

"In death," I uttered "Will there be peace?" as my tired breaths became one with the air around us.

Taehyun stayed silent before responding "I hope so."

With that, our small company ended as Taehyun made his way back to his chair. His chair, which seemed like it's his little prison he can't say no to.

"Get some sleep." His hands now busy with whatever he was writing after he turned on his yellow table lamp. "It will help you recover fast."

A small tired smile slipped out as I obediently reached for the blanket to cover my weak body.
I drowned to a sleep more peaceful than before.

Each day, it would be easier to talk to him, the boy trapped in the chair willingly I mean.
He would never reject again whatever edibles I would offer him. To see him warm up to me, I can not help but be blissful and felt less lonely.
Day by day, the light that shone inside looks more beautiful.

"Thank you Taehyun." One day, I had said to him out of the very blue.

He didn't question why or scorn at it. Instead, he had echoed "Likewise." making this room feel less heavy and less suffocating.

What was he thankful for ? I didn't have an empirical answer to it.

"Why do you hate beef ?" He had asked me on a very random Sunday.

Closing the book that I was reading, I turned full head onto him. His torso twisted towards my direction and his eyes were curious.

"Sit here and I'll tell you." I tapped the space next to me on my bed. To my surprise, he came and did as I asked him to, having me almost chuckle at him.

"Why are you suddenly curious?" my eyebrows raised themselves in a very teasingly manner.

He shrugged nonchalantly "Just." he quipped.

And to that I chuckled shortly.

"Well." I shifted to help myself in a more comfortable position. "Me and mom, we used to live in a village before we settled down here in this city. Grandpa used to have this really huge barn and I used to play with most of the animals there. I loved to chase the chickens and sometimes I'd trip myself over fences and run home crying to my mother." I told, reminiscing all the better days when life was so full of life itself.
"And one day, a cow named Betty had her cattle just on the same day as my birthday! I was really excited having a same birthday as somone else because you know..." I stretched my words and breathings, trying my best to regulate my emotions and the tears that are threatening to form right there and then.
"I was very lonely in the village, we lived way too far from the heart of the population and there's only adults in grandpa's farm. I used to crave having a friend." My index finger trailed the lifelines of my palm as I heaved up and down.

"And?" Taehyun grabbed softly my pale palms under his hand as his eyes were as sympathetic as I needed them to be.

"I named the calf Blinky." I sniffed inbetween my telling "He has these thick eyelashes." breathing out forced snickers "I loved playing with him. After every school hour, I'd run back to the farm and feed him hays, lots and lots of it." my fingers were tenderly brushed in his hold and there I had wondered if he was this gentle with anyone else.

"But one day..." there was a lump on my throat and it grazed painfully every time I try to pronounce another word.
"One day..." my words fell again as I hopelessly try to form them.
"He was missing and I searched every acre of t-the farm." Tears, they dropped and dropped until they leaked out from the sharp of my chin, wetting the blanket that was warming my legs.

They shuddered, these now white knuckles of mine. To lessen my sadness, a hand that held onto my hands grasped tighter and tighter, comforting me as much as they can.
More anguish swell bigger inside my chest that I had to gasp for air.

"We ate our dinner that evening, I couldn't stop crying and what I found out later on is that, the beef broth that my mother fed me that night was Blinky." My eyes sting from the ache I do not know where it surged from.
Was it the loneliness? Was it the betrayal from my own family? Was it their heartless action to satiate their hunger?

"Shh" whispered Taehyun softly in the dark room. His other hand raised themselves to settle and rub my hair that hugged my temples and all the way down to my nape in a rythym I did not know I needed.
"I'm sorry for asking."

I shook my head to that. I do not condemn Taehyun at all for asking his curiosity because I believed that we all are curious due to something that is missing in us.
We all are just trying our best to seek out our own completion.

"Don't be." I too caressed the tender skin of his fist that held onto my other hand.

Taehyun's P.O.V

Why does an adult man cry over his silly little backstory? You might find it ludicrous.

But that was not what I see.

What I saw in Beomgyu's tears were my own reflections. Who I am. How lonely I really am. How valid my feelings were as a child. How I deserved better. How much all of this sadness is not my fault.

"We cannot change the past." I told to his sobbing body that made his shoulders rise and fall due to the weight of his soul.
"But we can change today."

I slowly stroke his glazed lustrous hair "Let's change today."
We can change the upside down of our lips. We can change the darkness of our eyes into something so full of light that even the angels will be envy of it. If no one is coming to help and teach us how to change. I will learn myself and teach you too. I promise. We will change our today so that our someday will change into something beautiful. Hopefully, we can reach the stars this way.

While holding his crying body, I did not recognize how the night suddenly turned to midnight. His frail body slept on top of my chest and the weight of his bones I was registering in my head. The curve of his spines trailed by my fingers felt like a ride towards home.

Home?

Home. I rested my lips on his raven-black hair and repeat the word "Home."

Yesterday,
we wept.
Last year,
we lost the light in our eyes.
Many years back,
we were clueless on how to dream.

But today,
I will help you dream.

Let me be your dream
and
I will make you feel alive so that you can run with the butterflies.

-Leonsa

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