I WAS MADE FOR YOU

CHAPTER - 8

"Stop picking your food, eat it." She tsked at my usual way of treating the beef in my plate with sorrow on my face.

My stepfather fumed through his nose before shaking his head in a way that communicate how angry he was with me.
He knew my story. He knew why I can't eat beef.
Eileen knew too.
And yet, they never had the slight humility to act like they understand unless their hearts are just made of stone.

"It was just a calf, no depth, so eat unless you want to starve." Said he who had no remorse in his words that gravelled out of his mouth.

I wished Taehyun was here. He had to go to another competition in stead of his school again. Thinking about it, I really depended on him a lot nowadays. Many things has changed once we had our first encounter and upto all the things that had happened lovingly between us. My happy days were just because he exists. And my saddest days were the same old anguish days like the past if he wasn't near. I was not able to make myself happy. I was not able to smile without him. With these thoughts, I drowned in self-loathe again.
What will become of me if Taehyun left?

"I will not tell you again." Growled lowly he who has his eyebrows twitched in fury. "Eat."

Is it fear that made me obey ? Or is it the acceptance that this is what my life is supposed to direct to—that this is their world and I am just living in it? That I was made to obey and be trampled? Is this my role in this universe?

The self-abhorrence ate me first before I slurped the beef broth down my throat with a painful gulp.

      The living room was filled with an atmosphere that churned my stomach into deep sickness. My nerves jerked everytime he changed his sitting position on the couch, his dark eyes scanning my whole body like he detest me most, which was true.

"You cut your hair?" His mere questions had my nails dig deeper in my white thighs, I nimbled on my lips tighter everytime the pain stings on my lower skin.

I just nodded after gulping down a saliva, quenching my dry throat due to this nervousness.

"Why?"

Why did I cut my hair? "I...I..." My words flowed hopelessly in the air, fear consuming the courage I wanted to evoke.

"Change. I wanted to change." I finally mouthed to which made him slowly get up from his seat as his heavy footsteps walk towards me.

"Change?" He inquired with that same disgust in his tone. His wrinkly hands began to run through my hair that had not longer hugged my nape, my hair that had no longer rob me of my spirit with their length, my hair that had no longer imprisoned me with their memories.
His now index fingers rub themselves on the fringes of my hair that had no longer hide my eyes.
"Isn't that ludicrous?" His dark chuckles sent all my remaining composure down the limbo "You? Change?" He shook his head while having that wide grin on his face that made me want to just kill myself.
"No no no Beomgyu." He kept on clicking his tongue until his fingers smoothen my hair that he just rubbed.
"People who are born sick are not supposed to get better. That's their only role in this earth." His words shot many holes inside of my chest "Your sickness is innate. You are born that way. And you are supposed to stay that way." His whispers in my ears are louder than any sound that I have ever heard. Not even my mother's is as loud as his.

I fell apart at that sentence. All things sweet and flowering left me like it had never been there. He is my dictator and I hated him for it.

He made my life a living hell. He is the hell on this earth and there is no escape.

       Another day has passed and I had not met my ransom yet. Taehyun, when will he come back? Can Taehyun change me? Can he fully mend this broken soul of mine? Do I really love him or am I just desperate for his rescue ?

I rot, thinking lots in this dark room of mine that ate me up.

Oh. The nail marks on my thighs hasn't healed yet. I was starting to embrace it, all these marks and bruises that I had made on myself as a part of my life. The agony, the anguish, the broken, maybe that is my character that I have to live out in this world.

Some people are meant to be happy and prosperous. Some people are meant to be loud and cheerful. Some people are meant to love and be loved. Some people are meant to live their peace.
Maybe people are born to be this and that. Maybe I am born to be this. Maybe he's right. Some people are born sick and they will die sick.

I got it. Some people are born to die sick. No doctor or religion can deliver their fate. No person can deliver me. Not even Taehyun it seems.

But.. but, there is this tiniest light in my room that shone down from my neighborhood's streelight. A very delicate light, yellowish and flickering in its fragile life.

"Taehyun..." I touched my unkempt hair which my hands had furiously ruffled after their contact with the devil's hands. I smoothen out any strands of it that remained astray in the air.

Nobody deserves to love a sick man. Especially not Taehyun.

The world was getting attuned to his laughter.
The sun was shining brighter.
The puddles they glittered.
The marmalades, they had gotten sweeter.

But the devil heard the innocent voice
and wanted his beauty in his box and turn it into a noise.
The sweet sounds were now muffled.
His feet that once ran could only now shuffle.

The summer died
when the devil rolled his dice.
He who was once alive
was drowned in the devil's lies.

— Leonsa

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