I WAS MADE FOR YOU

CHAPTER - 5

Beomgyu's P.O.V

It happened rather quickly. For me to desire him in a way that never happened to me before.

Living and breathing with Taehyun in this shared room, everything changed within me. He made me feel things. He made me desire things. He made me desire him.

I wished I could touch him - those hands of his. The memory and senses of how gentle and tender his touches were are now fully embedded in my head and it made my hands yearningly reach towards his direction in the air. I vision touching him and that alone brings me a comfort I had always been craving for.

Seeing him in his study table, seeing him pouring his heart out on something he was studying, made me wonder if I will ever be that important to him. Studying seems like his sweet escape, although from my perspective, it looks like a limbo he is cursed to be stuck in.
Can I ever be his sweet reverie?

To desire someone this much, is it okay? Will he hate me if he could read my mind? Will it be disgusting for him? Am I allowed to feel such pleasant feelings as this?

All these wondering and self-loathe led my hand back to myself, trapping them in their own hold. Thinking that I don't deserve such good things as him, I closed my eyes once again, wanting to seep back into a deep slumber afresh.

Will this self-hatred ever end? I'm afraid the disgust will last forver. It is better to sleep-more preferably-to never wake up again only to feel like this all over.

It's heartbreaking really, to have your mind and your heart constantly at war, killing each other all the time. Till now, I can't comprehend whether my heart killing my mind is better or whether my mind killing my heart is better ?

How does peace feels like ?
Is it as nice as Taehyun's soft touches?
Is it as nice as Taehyun's apple blossoms smell?
Is it as nice as his consoling big saturn eyes?

If so, I would like for it to consume me until all this droplets of sadness are down the drain, leaving me all alone.

I like seeing him the first thing in the morning. Hearing the shuffles of his dressing wake me up every day this passing week. I like to stare at him changing or just him moving around doing absolutely of nothing important.

The sunlight will struck his brown hair that enhances the colour of it, they would turn almost golden under the rays. And when the sun beams at his big eyes, they become more breathtakingly hazel.

Sometimes, our eyes would meet and instead of turning pink and blushing away, we would smile, it would be magical. There's this thing that's been lingering in the cavity of my bones whenever we exchange some simple words or so, filling it up like bubbles blown under a pretty daylight. Something light and nice, warming my hands almost unbearably lovingly.

His mere words like It's warm today. Are you cold? Should I close the window? The breeze feels nice here, join me. Have you eaten? to offering me the bathroom first. Staring at me through the reflection of the mirror while we brush our teeth together. Explaining to me what certain marine species eat and et cetera et cetera.
These would melt me inbetween the many emotions inside of me swirling into the pool of everything pleasant.

Despite all these candy-like days; at night, the unhealed child in me would get the best of me as he throw it in the wastelands.
I dreaded the nights that will come by. Longing for Taehyun during the days would curse me to sleep through my tears at night.