I WAS MADE FOR YOU

CHAPTER - 10

Beomgyu's P.O.V

The birds settled on the wire, chirping sweetly to notice me that morning has arrived once again. I stared at the new morning, the new day which made me wonder when I could fly, like those sparrows.

Can you believe what I just said? I now have the gut to dream of flying.

It all began from the night where Taehyun had taught me how to cook an egg. He taught me how to survive on my own.
I like my state of mind today, I like that I woke up dreaming to fly high. Soaring above the clouds with someone by my side, someone like Taehyun.

It is true that I have my desperation and devotion to the boy, but I just don't know whether this feeling is the right feeling or not. If he knew that I needed him only, would he hate me? The truth is, even I don't know what this feeling is or how it stems from my heart. Desire, fear of losing, or just a love which he deserves.

Moreover, he did vow to love me through my sadness and sickness, and I'd really really hate to break his heart, it would be the same as getting mine broken, until it all turn to ashes.

Assuming that I really do just think of him as a selfish exigency to survive my daily lives, I would spent my time feeling like I'm using him, won't that kill me just the same?

Any way, any how, these thoughts don't change the way I liked seeing him the first thing in the morning. His manners of buttoning his sleeves of his kamis, his relaxed yet composed state when he tie his shoelaces or the way his eyes steal glances at me from time to time.

I don't hate this. I don't feel guilty about having his warm existence in this room which he seemed to be the bringer of the sunlight and not the sun itself who is the source of the brightness of the mornings.

I don't feel guilty about letting him do all things for me which I am perfectly cable of. From how he would wash my body, smudging foams of soap across my torso to the way he'd slyly brushed his nose into the curve of my neckline. All of these and more, I am not guilty for feeling these warm tinglings sizzling inside my veins.

"Taehyun." I called from the bed watching him get dressed for school.

He hummed and turned to me, his eyes pliant and lips a bit parted, indicating how attentive he was.

At this instance, guilt build up in my belly, praying that the words I will say now won't pick him apart like petals to die and dry.

My mouth hesitated which I pressed them into a thin line of reluctance. This action of mine made him crashed his eyebrows together.

"I have been thinking." I started "and the guilt has been eating me alive for days now."

This hurried his steps towards me and kneeled down on the side of the bed, facing me.

"Gyu?" His voice was as fragile as ever and I don't wish for that tone of his to ever leave my ear.

Trepidation. That was what coursed through my whole skin.

"I am so selfish Taehyun." I gritted out and there is a big lump on my throat which could be the size of a toad, disallowing my other sequential words to escape.

"Tell me still."

I dared my eyes to now look towards his way. Here I am, about to confess my sins to him and here he is, ready to listen and perhaps, hopefully be quick to forgive.

"Taehyun." I crawled closer to the edge of the bed, close to the point that I can feel his breath of life on my lips "I am afraid I'm just using you." My breath hitched and let the tears streamed down on my cheeks and all the way to my chin, dripping, wetting the white blanket.

"Why do you think that?" His breathy voice said, now I can feel the warmth of his air that escaped from his lips.

"How do I know if I love you or just desperate for your proximity, your existence?" I chewed my words out, hurting myself at every sentence, slashing myself at every pronunciation.

His slender fingers neared my face, I closed my eyes and leaned on to his touch, oh the warmth, not even spring or summer could compare. His palms of the right heat coated my wet cheeks, trying to dry them with both his palms on either side of my face.

Do I deserve this god? Do I deserve this feeling of being loved to the extent that he is so gentle towards my sin ?

"You don't have to figure everything out at one go, we still have time, you don't have to Gyu, some things take time." And let our foreheads touched, my pliant self and his leading one were perfectly merging into an acknowledgment of each other's feelings. "It's okay." My eyes slowly opened through my wet eyelashes that blurred my vision a bit but I saw how delicate his eyes were, how securing his eyes were "When I told you to bring your sadness with you, I meant this too." A sloppy kiss was planted on my the tip of my nose "Bring your confusion as well, I'm okay with it." His eyes levelled mine before rubbing our noses together, I closed my peepers to the intimate touch that lingered even after he backed off "You don't have to figure out everything at one go." His repitition told me that he wanted to let me know this so badly as well.

"Okay." I nodded. "I will take my time." in a whisper which he nodded along to.

Taehyun then leaned forward, having me to lean back until my body thudded down softly on the mattress. His ten fingers intertwined on either side of my hands and I tightened the hold. His body now hovered on top of me. Silence fell and my tears were drying. On his angle, his hair turned honey-yellow because of the sunlight that strucked perfectly on his strands, his eyes turned honey-brown again, the colour that brought out the life in this dark room, in my dark soul. He was the light bearer of all beautiful things.

"You're beautiful." I told and prompt myself up with the help of my elbows, our proximity seperated only by a burning centimetre which I closed off the space by my lips that now cuddled his eyelids, his breath stopped for that mini second. I changed my target to his other eye and down the corner of his lips. His pliant body stayed still, letting my lips love him.
"So beautiful." I breathed out, stopping my kissing track on the crook of his neck.

Despite not uttering another word,Taehyun let his lips do the talk as he kissed all the skin on my complete fingers and then at every area of my face, leaving my lips unattained and untainted.
After doing all these only he was opening his mouth to say "You may be confused now Gyu, but I know that your heart speaks to me in a similar tone of my heart. There's no difference."

I do hope so. I truly hope so.

Your heart speaks the same language as my heart.
Their tone bearing no difference.

The way we kiss,
it's a given,
it's the same.

You love me,
everyone can tell.
I hope that you can tell me soon too.

-Leonsa

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