Anxiety Guide

Chapter

(ATTENTION: The following text contains sarcasm, in case that won't be obvious enough lol.)

*insert relaxing piano music*

So you are worried about a thing...are you?

Might be a bill you can't pay, might be a job interview, might be your career falling apart.

Whatever, but the best thing you can do in this situation is just to thing about it, as much as possible.

Don't do anything about it, just make sure you keep worrying, because that always make problems go away.

Look at all those people. Whatever you are worrying about must be a million times worse than anything they can imagine. They definitely never had to face a personal crisis...

I'm sure they've never felt lonely, been sued, lost family members, spouses, children. They've probably never been fired, or been in love with someone who didn't love them back, or panicked about their career. Or anything most humans go through in a lifetime.

Because whatever you are worried about is definitely the biggest thing that's ever happened to anyone. Ever.

No one has ever been to war, so they wouldn't understand what you're going through. They haven't approached Omaha beach, and known they will probably be dead in a few minutes. No one has ever been trapped in a damaged spacecraft, thousands of miles from the earth, running out of oxygen. No one has had to face constant bombing from the air that turned up without warning.

Somehow, whatever it is recently you've got on your mind, that justifies you losing sleep and being a total dick to your self. Well you know best. Luckily, humans live forever, and never age, so don't worry! You've got infinite time to hold yourself back with doubts.

And actually, is worst that that...

You know, if the bad thing does happen, or you don't get the job, or you embarrass yourself somehow, we're all gonna be laughing at you. ALL 7 billion of us. We don't have our own lives, or relationships, or childeren, or careers. We're just waiting to see you fuck up. The entire planet is gonna turn up at your house, and write"LOL" on your door. That's what's gonna happen. And even after you're dead, we're going to erect a shrine on your grave. that says "This person made a mistake". And we'll visit it every day with flowers, but not the nice ones, like, white Chrysanthemum, but petrol station roses, that we found in the bin.

And don't even think about taking any creative risks. That project you are working on, book, movie, video or whatever. If you screw up any of it, we're gonna laugh at you, because we're certainly not busy worrying about our own lives.

Homer, Beethoven, Tolstoy, Hitchcock, Tarantino...

None of them EVER worried about their careers. Just keep sabotaging yourself so you don't have to ever fear doing something original, that's the safe path. Same with doing what you love, actually. No one's ever taken a risk before. You're the first one to do it. Ever. That's what we are all doing here, that's what get's us all up in the morning. You. Failing.

Maybe just spend the rest of your life fixated on worrying, instead of ever doing anything, ever again! Instead of, let's say, becoming the best possible version of yourself, and be kind to people, and talkign wild, and bold risks, that scare you, and will propably pay off some of the time.

Probably better just keep your head down, don't rock the boat. Can't risk embarrassing yourself.

But none of that really matters, does it? Because you are worried about that thing, aren't you? Might be a bill you can't pay, might be a job interview, might be your career falling apart, whatever. But the best thing you can do in this situation is just to think about it as much as possible. Don't do anything about it, just make sure youkeep worrying. Because no one has ever been in a bad situation before, ever. And, i'm sure, whatever it is, it's very important, and won't ever go away.

Just like all the other things you used to worry about before...

And now can't even remember.