If Jasper were to see how badly you're sinking, you're sure that he would ask a few things of you, and you wouldn't be able to agree to any of it, because you want to feel like an adult. Because if millions of other college students can juggle homework, jobs, kids and home life all at the same time, then why can't you?
You're one of those students that came from their high school with such good grades, that glided by with hardly any problems. The one that looked like they'd succeeded when they got out of high school and went straight to college. With more straight A's and perfect GPA's.
Yet, it's been only half of a semester and you already feel like quitting this entire dream of yours. There's just so much homework alone, that you haven't been able to even propose the idea of getting a job to yourself. You keep thinking that you'll get a hang of it when the second semester rolls around, but you haven't even found a good rhythm to go by this semester.
The professors don't care if you can't handle the workload. You're adults now, you should be able to get the work in by their deadline with no problem. Except the problem is you have more than one class to attend, and do homework for, and study for tests.
You've tried bringing this problem you're having up with a couple of classmates, but they just don't get it. They look at you like you don't belong to be in the university with them. As if you bought your way in, because they have a job, some of them have a kid or two and all that homework and studying is a walk in the park for them. You ask them how they make time for all of that, and they shrug you off.
You want to quit each time you think about going back to one of your classes. It would be just too easy to call up the Dean and tell them you want a refund on your semester, and they can keep the money that they need for however many classes you did attend. Or just not fall through on next semester's bills.
You're smart, getting a job without a degree would be too easy to do. When you were in high school, you had worked jobs before. Back then the work was easy, and the tests were a walk in the park. You were promoted quickly, and sometimes you'd work more than one at a time.
Jobs nowadays like the experience, so it would look good on your applications. At least you have that to fall back on. Fail in college just to go get a job as a barista instead. And to think that you had your entire life planned out ahead of you.
You have to keep all of this from Jasper, whether you like it or not. You were so excited initially, and now you're so tired of it all. You're afraid that if he sees you like this, he'll realize that you're not as independent as you normally are. All it would take is for him to walk in while you're doing homework or something, and he would be able to feel all the stress and frustration that's been building over time.
You want to do this by yourself.
There's a couple of swift knocks at the door, making you look up from where you're staring at the textbook. You find yourself annoyed with yourself already for just looking at it instead of reading it. Just as Jasper begins to open the door, you've thrown in the bookmark and slammed the book shut.
You look over in time to see the sour look on his face, and then there's a serene feeling settling over you. He caught you red-handed so badly, and he doesn't even know it just yet.
"What's up?" you ask, raising your eyebrows.
"Are you always that stressed?" he dodges the question, coming into the room.
You shrug slightly, "Just the same as normal."
He scowls at you slightly, not letting this go as he takes a seat on the bed, "You're lying."
"What gave it away?" you turn back to your books, beginning to wonder if doing the work would be better than talking to him about this.
You don't need him to sit in here and make you feel calm all the time. Stress is good for you, you can't go your entire life feeling like it's a slice of cake.
Then again, only a couple of minutes ago you were contemplating on quitting this entire gig. All it would take is a few emails back and forth and it would be over with. You could go back to working for the rest of your life.
You really thought that school would be an escape point from working. That if you do school, it's a good excuse. You're focusing on that instead, but it all goes back to the fact that other people can do both.
Maybe you should be accepting the fact that you're not like other people, and you just can't do both at the same time for once.
"What's wrong?" Jasper asks.
"It's the workload." you finally tell him, thinking 'there goes keeping it to myself'.
"That bad?" he gets up and heads over to you, "You know I wouldn't mind sitting in here."
"That's the thing, I want to do it by myself but it's so hard and I can't focus on it," you motion to the book slightly, "I was basically dozing off when you came in."
Jasper laughs, "I can help."
"Great, you're not even studying the material and you'll be able to tutor me on it."
"There's no shame in asking for help." he tells you, "If you don't want me to do it, then I can get Rosalie, or Carlisle–"
"I don't want anyone's help." you try to emphasize, "I want to do it alone."
He nods a little bit, "You're prideful."
"Shut up!" you go to punch him, but he catches your hand before you end up breaking your knuckles.
He laughs a little bit, before standing you up, "Dinners ready for you."
You begin to protest, "I have like three classes to catch up on–"
"You can do it later," he keeps you from going back to the desk, "With me."
"That won't be distracting." you mutter.
He kisses you slightly, "Don't worry, I'll keep us on track."
