Carry you home - Rachel Green

I HATE THAT GUY

The one with the boobies

Luke arrived to Central Perk to meet Phoebe's boyfriends.

"Luke!"

"Hey guys!" He saw Roger and went to shake his hand. "Hey, I'm Luke, nice to meet you."

"Hi."

"Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower." Phoebe urged.

"That's pretty much it." Roger said.

"Oops!" Phoebe blushed.

"But you tell it really well, sweetie." The man said and kissed her cheek making Phoebe grin.

"Thanks. Okay, now go away so we can talk about you."

"Okay. I'll miss you." He said and stood up.

"Isn't he great?" Phoebe asked once her boyfriend had walked away.

"He's so cute! And he seems to like you so much." Rachel agreed.

"I know, I know. So sweet... and so complicated. And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky, y'know?"

"So, you think you'll do it on his couch?" Monica said with a smirk on her face.

"Oh, I don't know, I don't know. I think that's a little weird, y'know? Vinyl."

"Okaaay. Any of you guys want anything else?" Rachel asked.

"Oh, yes, could I have one of those—" Chadler began saying, but was cut off by Rachel.

"No, I'm sorry, we're all out of those. Anybody else?"

"I'll have a coffee, Rach thank you." Luke said.

"Did I, uh, did I miss something?" Roger asked as he came back.

"No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies." Chandler explained.

Luke rose and eyebrow and glared slightly at his friend. "You saw her boobies?"

Chandler gulped at Luke's intimidating stare. "It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts."

"Okay, okay, could we change the subject, please?" Rachel pleaded.

"Yeah, 'cause hello, these are not her boobies, these are her breasts." Phoebe said. 

"Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a change."

"Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies." Chsndler said before cowering under Luke's stare.

Rachel scoffed. "Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice."

"Okaaay, rock, hard place, me." Chandler gestured with his hands.

Roger started laughing. You're so funny! He's really funny! I wouldn't wanna be there when- when the laughter stops."

"Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by that?"

"Oh, just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy issues. Y'know, that you use your humour as a way of keeping people at a distance." He explained.

"Huh."

"I mean hey! I just met you, I don't know you from— Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit puberty."

Chandler stared at him. "Uh-huh, how did you know that?"

"It's textbook." Roger mentioned as he kept eating.