Veridis Quo

Chapter 8 - Here's Johnny!

The curtains were so thick. No breeze could move them, only manual labor, a mechanism of the hand of Man; mine. Soon. Out there were waiting hungry eyes, growing impatient by the rising chatter.

Why did I agree to this?

Taking a step back, I looked over myself again, smoothing out any wrinkles. As if I hadn't done that ten times already, but the harder I searched the more I found. Above my butt, near my right knee, on my left sleeve. They were everywhere, crevices in the costly fabric made worse by the color. It was a perfect white, similar to my casual clothes, but it had this royal shine, neat and clean like a newly built hospital.

Once I felt satisfied, hoping the cycle would end, I adjusted the red tie. I couldn't do it for the life of me, but like always, I had Miya. I had sadly forgotten the technique she taught me earlier in the morning. Over and in, something about a loop and a fold.

Next, the hair. The time had come for a haircut, I could no longer prolong the inevitable. I had little fashion taste but there was no way in hell I was going to agree to a bun or a ponytail. What am I? A faggot? Maybe down the middle and groomed outwards like a straight slide, but in the end we settled on slicking it back.

„Thank god my forehead isn't big," I placed my hand over the part and indeed, it wasn't a dominant feature, although the cut wasn't helping.

What else... what else... perfume! Wait, no, it wouldn't matter in this scenario, I wasn't going out to prom or mingle amongst the populace. My shoes' laces... didn't exist. They were a just fit, no need for strings on synthetic leather. My teeth were clean, so was the rest of my body since I had showered an hour ago. What else... what else...

„Fucking hell, man... get a grip..." I straightened my posture, mainly my back.

How did I agree to this? It was insane, nay, blasphemous! I was no stranger to presentations in front of a full classroom, but the entire world? What am I? An alien? Technically, yes, but this was my home just as much as theirs!

„God... I'm such a pussy..." I stumbled away from the curtains, hitting my back against the wall. I locked my knees so the legs wouldn't buckle under the pressure. My heart was beating so fast, taking off the weight on my chest for a while. But it wasn't natural, or real, like any of this. Was this really happening? Was I actually going out there to face the whole world? To tell them what the president wanted them to know?

The president, I remembered bitterly. The bitch, literally. Being a dog and all made me lower my guard when she called upon me. I swear, that was the last time I was looking at life through pink lenses. I should've seen the signs, how uncomfortable Miya was during the talk and the constant glares she sent the female dog. What was it that triggered her? The borderline baby-talk or the empty promises?

I wasn't a charity worker. Just like last time, if they wanted me to do something, I needed an incentive. "For the greater good" my ass! What about me?! Aren't I part of the good? Don't I matter? How I feel? How I'm handling, questioning this world every morning?

„Am I real?" It wasn't the first nor the last time I had to ponder that. It couldn't be. I refused. How, when, why would this happen? What led to all of this? I wanted to go home. That made me choke a sob. I had to be strong, there was a time and a place for everything.

Carefully shifting my weight back to my feet, I took a deep breath, that helped calm my nerves. Perhaps optimism lost its appeal, but it still had uses. For doing as the president wanted, I could actually, maybe, possibly do what I wanted for so long. I had given it thought, I knew of the responsibilities that were attached to that kind of system, eleven years of experience, that would qualify me for a Chinese factory. If- no, I was going to do it and it'd be fine. Success was my only option. One way or another, I was going to make it. And I wouldn't have to be alone.