"What is it that you want from me? Huh?" He spat, raising his voice. There was a vein in his neck and he was turning red. I've never seen him this upset, I must've really hit a nerve.
His lips were tight but they were so juicy and kissable. "I want...
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Z A R I A H
Self Harm Trigger
I was alone today.
Damon went to take Winter shopping for the wedding, Kenvy's in Seattle, Sara's at her parents and Isaiah... he's somewhere.
I didn't like being away from him for so long. I hated it so fucking much. He filled my mind for days and I couldn't get him out. I wanted to talk to him but I don't know if he would let me. I'm so torn, I couldn't think right.
I stayed in my room for two days after that conversation with Kenvy. Sara and Damon tried to come in to check on me but I ignored them every time or told them to go away. I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to see anyone.
I sniffed and looked at my arm. The bite mark was still there but it had some new friends to keep it company. Purple and red; the colors on my skin. It hurt to touch so I pressed down on them on purpose and hissed.
I didn't mind the pain, I welcomed it with open arms.
Kenvy was right about one thing; I was unstable. But I didn't care. This is who I am, this is who I will always be and have been before I started taking them fucking pills. If this is who he wanted to lead a whole fucking Mafia then so be it. I'll be the Donna but on my own terms.
I felt.... Relieved? No, that's not right.
I felt free.
I eyed the knife that I stole from the kitchen. It sat by my foot, daring me, taunting me, challenging me. I clenched my jaw and took a deep breath.
I grabbed the knife and lifted it up to my face. I stared at my reflection in the metal. I looked sick and dead. My eyes were sunken, my hair was dry and nappy. My eyes were swollen and red from my crying and my lips were chapped.
Not wanting to look at myself anymore, I moved the blade to my arms. I balled my fist tightly, tucked my lips in my mouth and ran it across my fresh bruises lightly. I tilted my head and sniffed. Its cold.
I turned the blade around so that the sharp ends were touching my skin. I pressed down and ran it across my flesh. Crimson red spilled out and I kept going. I didn't flinch, I didn't move. I just let it happen.
