💙💙HOODSTAR💙💙

💙💙HOODSTAR-11💙💙

✨HOODSTAR✨11

💖Lauren💖

Losing the twins was excruciating.

My milk had dried up and my belly was flat as a board. No signs I had been growing two beautiful souls.

It had been about  three months since the passing of the babies.  I fake smiled ALOT.
I didn't want to walk around being inconsolable and bringing everyone down.

I had to make some decisions.  Fast!

The only way for me not to dwell on my loss, was to go super hard focusing on something else.   I had always wanted my own business! I enrolled in classes on a whim after a doctor's appointment.

I had already lost my brother  and now this new blow just stacked on top of my ongoing grief.

I just needed to decompress and heal some pieces on my own.

I'd get up every morning about 4:30. Shower and go into the nursery.  Their cribs still in boxes against the wall, brand new. I felt closer to my babies in this space.

I'd close and lock the door and meditate, pray, cry and sometime I would peek in  the memory box or not.

I'd come out, get Dior together for school and make breakfast for everyone.  I'd drop Dior off and go to my apartment and do online classes....

I'd be in class until about 12:45am and head home.

Hussle and I hadn't spoken much about the babies since the burial...

He seemed  okay.  He didn't mention trying again or even seem that interested in having sex either.  Maybe, I was just thinking about it too much.

💙💙 Hussle 💙💙

I had just finished making the bed when I heard the front door open.

I heard my parents speak and then Lauren made her way to the room.

💖Hey baby.

💙 Hey.

💖 What's the matter?  Why you looking at me funny?

💙 I  been waking up every morning to an empty bed care to tell me why?

💖You do know baby girl has a lot of hair and needs to get to school fed and on time.

💙You do know I call bullish! You don't be in the bed from like 4:30 or so. School aint open that early and you keep Dior hair fly. Try again.

💖 I'm not sure what answer is the right one, Ermias

💙Where do you go when you drop Dior off cause you never hear? I only see you a couple of hours everyday. Something you need to tell me?

💖( I sigh) I can't tell you right now, but when it's time, I will. ( He's getting frustrated ) Can I have a kiss?  I snake my arms under his shirt but he walks backwards letting my arms free.

💙Not in the mood right now. I'm about to head to the studio. Don't wait up.

💖 okay.

💙 (I grab my keys and walk out) I'm not gonna lie I was in my feelings... we were now officially a week out from her due date with the twins... I felt like L was purposely avoiding me.

The passing of my babies was affecting me too. I was upset and missing my wife waddling around carrying our young. Ish

I stayed at the studio til about 8:30pm and headed home.  I had told her not to wait up, but it was Friday, nothing outside but trouble to get into.