Junia Baker's Journal

Chapter Two

I walked from my bedroom to the living room down the long, narrow hallway, Benji and my mother sitting on the couch, watching one of their shows. I thought it was funny that they refer to it as "their show" whenever they sit down and turn on the television.

"Um, Benji." I say, clearing my throat as I cross my arms over my chest while I wait for him to answer me.

His eyes are glued to the TV and it looks like he has to pry them away just to be able to look at me. "Yeah, what's up?" He finally replies.

"Do..." I stretch the word and pause before continuing. "You think you can pick me up later around 11:30? I'm going to a party at Bhodi's." I state.

"Mhm," He hums instantly. "Just write me down the address or something."

I grin and scurry off to the kitchen, using the nearest pencil to scribble the address of my best friend's house onto the little paper I ripped off of my mom's pad that she uses to write down her grocery lists. At the very bottom of the paper I write, Thank you. You're the best!

I fold it in half and walk back to Benji, handing it to him. He sits up, taking his arm off from around my mother's shoulders and he carefully tucks the paper into his pocket. "Alright," He huffs. "I'll see ya at 11:30 then."

"Thanks." I smile, grabbing my cross over purse and hanging it over my body.

"Have fun baby, be safe." My mother says tiredly before letting out a yawn.

I leave in a hurry and practically run to the bus stop to catch the city bus on time.

I love that my mother never stops me from going out and having fun. As long as I'm responsible about it and I don't "over-do it", she doesn't mind. Besides, I just turned eighteen which means legally I'm considered an adult. I also think it would be a little hypocritical of her to disallow me to drink when she's such a big partier herself.

Once a month she throws these massive parties where everyone does coke, drink, smoke and go crazy. I'm sure our neighbours hate us. Benji is of course at every single one of those parties. Normally when she throws these parties, I'll invite my friend Bhodi over and we have our own little party in my bedroom because my mother is always too intoxicated to notice that we stole some beers and weed from the adults.

Bhodi and I will blast music, dance around and talk about boys and sex. I've had sex before, a couple times actually. My first time was when I was fourteen. We were kissing at a party in the closet and one thing led to another, then eight minutes later - I was no longer a virgin.

Losing my virginity wasn't as big of an event as I thought it was going to be, I thought there'd be fireworks and my heart would explode and he would fall in love with me but none of it happened like that. I actually thought it was plain and boring and it made me wonder why people love sex so much, why it's so talked about.

It was with a boy named Andrew who was also fourteen and it was also his first time. Maybe that's why I didn't feel the fireworks or my heart explode. I see him around school every once in a while and we just awkwardly smile at each other or we don't do anything at all. Is that what it's supposed to be like after you have sex with someone? Do adults go through this? Do they all have meaningless, boring sex that doesn't feel like anything and then avoid each other for the rest of their lives? My mom and Benji never seem like that at all.

I know they have sex fairly often, I unfortunately hear it late at night when they think I'm asleep. It makes my skin crawl and I usually just listen to music on my Ipod that Benji bought me a couple months ago.

****

Halfway through the night, I stand in my friend's kitchen, pouring myself another drink. Cranberry juice and vodka. It's what tastes best, though I've never been able to get over how much I hate the taste of alcohol.