Junia Baker's Journal

Chapter Fifteen

I sat on the couch late one evening, watching tv. I started to watch one of the shows that Benji and my mom watch together, in hopes to be able to talk to him about one of his interests. Though, I'm finding it hard because this show isn't very good and I keep dozing off.

I jolt awake at the sound of my mom coming through the door, stumbling. She slams the door and stands there, her head hanging low. She then lets out a low grunt, which frightens me. I rarely see my mother angry.

I sit up and rub my eyes. "Mom?" I mumble, confused. Why is she so angry? Did she find out about Benji and I?

She gasps as she sees me. "Junia! Shit, I'm sorry." She's drunk, I can tell. "I didn't see you. I thought you'd be in bed. Sorry." She apologizes again.

"Are you okay?" I ask. She doesn't usually come home without Benji after a night of drinking. Something bad happened. My stomach starts to hurt out of fear of what's to come.

"I'm fine. I'm fucking fine!" She takes her shoes off and kicks them hard into the wall across from her. I wonder how much she's had to drink. She's usually a happy, giggle drunk.

"You don't seem fine." I mutter. I don't want to probe, but I really want to know what's wrong with her. Did Benji slip up?

"You know what? Word of advice from your mom, don't even bother with men! Okay? They fucking suck!" She continues to shout. "I fucking get dressed up and do my nails, and do my hair, and shave my fucking legs so I'm smooth as a fucking baby and NOTHING!" She yells. "Fucking bastard, fucking loser. Maybe he's fucking somebody else!" She laughs. "He's been acting real distant lately, maybe he's about to leave me too, just like your dad." She shakes her head.

"Dad died mom. He didn't run off with some other girl and forget to call." I mumble. My mom is officially going crazy and it's only been two weeks since Benji and I have been sneaking around. This isn't good. On one hand I'm happy she doesn't know it's me he's fucking, but I also don't like being caught in the middle of this.

My mother stares at me with pain in her eyes before she lets out a big sigh. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I shouldn't have said that. I'm just upset, I guess. Okay? I'm allowed to be upset."

I hate the way my mother acts when she's heartbroken. I've only ever seen her like this one other time, and it was back when she and Benji first started dating. They got into a fight about something but I don't know what, because I didn't care at the time. I did however know she was angry, and she was sad. She was yelling and screaming, drinking herself numb for a week straight before Benji showed up at the door with flowers and it worked like a charm. From then on she was back to the happy, carefree woman she was before they had their first fight.

"Whatever, mom." I grumble, grabbing my glass of water, almost running to my bedroom to get away from her. I don't want to hear her wallow in her self pity for another minute. I already have to deal with the fact that she got to go out with Benji and be seen in public with him when I'm the one who has to hide. It's not fair. I'm the one who should be wallowing.

At least now I know Benji has been holding up his end of the deal - by not sleeping with my mother anymore.

The next morning, my mom laid passed out in her bed. I know because I can hear her snoring from the kitchen, where I'm buttering two pieces of toast.

The phone starts to ring and I run over to answer it, because I don't want the noise to wake her up and then I'll have to deal with her bad mood all over again.

"Hello?" I ask as I put the phone to my ear.

"Junia?" I hear into the phone.

"Benji." I say quietly with a smile. I begin to play with the cord to the phone and I cross one ankle over the other.