Junia Baker's Journal

Chapter Thirteen

Once I hear the front door open and the sound of my mother coming in, I know I should shower after what we did, but I don't want to wash him away. The feeling of his sweat and spit mixed with everything else feels so good against my skin. I don't want that feeling to go away just yet, because what if it was never going to happen again? I want to soak in the feeling for as long as possible.

A knock on my door snaps me out of my thoughts. "Yeah?" I called out. I hope it's Benji coming back for more, but I know that it's my mom.

"You decent?" I hear her ask from the other side of the door.

I like that she gives me my privacy. She's never once opened my door without knocking and waiting for me to answer first.

She pushes the door open and sticks her head in. "You been cooped up in here all day?" She asks me.

I nod my head. "Yep."

"So... I don't feel like cooking. I don't think Benji does either. How about pizza tonight?" She raises her eyebrow in anticipation of my answer.

I crack a smile. "Yeah, that's fine with me."

"I'm gonna send Benji out to pick it up. You should go for the ride." She suggests.

My face instantly lights up. "Sure!" I hop out of bed, excited to be alone in the car with him. I know he won't refuse me coming if my mom says it, otherwise she would know something is up.

I meet him outside, where I see him standing by his car, looking up at the sky. I wonder if he's secretly happy that I'm coming along for the ride or if he's upset that my mom is subjecting him to sitting in a small car with me, the girl he just cheated on her with.

I wish I could pick apart his brain, really see and hear all the thoughts swarming around in there, to see if he's having the same ones as me. Maybe he's trying to figure out a way to leave my mom, because what we did changes everything between them, between us. He could tell her he met someone new and it's not working out anymore or maybe that he's moving far away, to another country and he doesn't want to do long distance with her. I think those are good ideas. Maybe I should bring them up to him.

"You ready?" He asks.

I nod my head and without speaking, I walk to his car and get inside. He does the same.

We drive to the pizza place, the one we always go to, but we drive mostly in silence this time. It's an awkward silence, the ones you wish you could run away from, the ones that make you overthink everything. I didn't want to run away from him though, I just want to talk, I want things to be normal between us, even if just a couple hours ago he was inside me.

Did things really have to be that different now? Did sex have to change everything? Are we now the adults that have sex then go about the rest of their lives avoiding each other? I envisioned something different for us.

"Things don't have to change between us." I tell him as we near the pizza place. I can see it just down the street, right on the corner.

"They do." He says bluntly, not taking his eyes off the road.

"Why?" I ask, trying not to whine. I don't want to seem needy.

"Because I fucked you, Junia." He ushers sternly as he lets out a loud sigh, one that makes me fearful that he's mad at me, but I think he's just mad at himself for not being able to resist me.

"And?" I frown, looking over at him.

"You're my girlfriend's daughter. Your mom would have me hanging from a telephone pole by my balls if she found out." He replies. He pulls up to the pizza place and parks on the side of the street, a couple feet from the entrance. He hits his steering wheel with his palm and I jump a little.